I need some emotional advice

[Arianwen]

Hairball, I really hope you are right.

HooKooDooKu, I wouldn't dream of doing that to a mouse either. Even "vermin" should be treated with respect and mercy. Would I be prepared to shoot a fox that had got in with hens? Yes. Would I let it suffer if I could possibly avoid it? NO.

[MyBabiesDaddy]

@Arianwen - I was thinking the same thing in response to HooKoo. I think Possums are disgusting and creepy looking and the epitome of "vermin", yet I wouldn't trap it in a cage and let it starve to death. I have a certain respect for living creatures, and that includes vermin. I wouldn't like a cockaroach live, but I would step on it to get rid of it, not light a match and throw it at it.

@HooKoo - You make some overall good points. I don't think his actions are comparable to my pigeon story though, because after I shot the pigeon I felt terrible about it. I didn't laugh and gloat to my friends about it like it was nothing. Also, while I understand what you meant about how our desire differentiates our perspective, like I mentioned @Arian, I wouldn't allow vermin to suffer either. It's a certain callousness and heartlessness that allows someone to not think twice before killing a living creature. It's like the people who would take a kitten and drown it just because it's "unwanted". Who does that? Who cares so little about life, vermin or not, to do that? It's just vile.

I hope, like you mentioned, that my reactions had the effect of preventing further cats from being hurt. I can't do anything to bring back the cat he killed, but I think the reason it hurts is because to me it wasn't just any cat that he killed. As soon as he told the story I imagined what if that was MY baby in that cage! Imagining our own cats meowing in a cage, crying for help and food - until they die, is just too horrifying. Every time I think of what he did, that's the emotion that comes back up. But, I will try to hold on to the fact that hopefully he regrets what he did and he will never hurt another animal again.

@Hairball and Anie - my BIL is the manager at a large medical facility. The value of the cage is of no importance to him. He felt that the ferals roaming around his grounds made his facility look bad and therefore wanted to get rid of them. When he caught the feral he stuffed the cage in his trunk and drove off. He said when he pulled over to get rid of the cat it was hissing at him and probably scared him, so he just flicked the cage away, got back into his car, and drove away. He's not even sure where he was. He didn't give me details as to where he had thrown away the cage. I think he wanted to get a distance away from his facility and then get rid of the cat. I'm not sure he even wanted to kill it necessarily, just get rid of it. I just didn't understand why he wouldn't think about the cat dying if it wasn't released from it's cage. My sister had to spell it out to him.

Keep in mind that I only knew about this incident because his brother was saying something to him about animals getting into their garbage at home or something like that. That's when my BIL conveyed his story. My BIL and his family never had any pets growing up and they couldn't care less about them. They're the kind of people who'd see a stray kitten and kick it away. Or put it in a bag and drown it. After I left the room I came back a few minutes later and overheard his family laughing at all "those people" who love their animals so much that they feed them real food and love them like kids. That's the kind of family he was raised by.

[HooKooDooKu]

Originally Posted by Arianwen

Even "vermin" should be treated with respect and mercy.

I totally agree. Simply locking up an animal until it dies is never the right thing to do. But then we all knew a wrong had been committed. That's not what this thread is about. The thread is about what to do going forward.

MyBabiesDaddy never said it was a purchased "cage". Ferrel cats suggests an industrial or reasturant area. Either case means accepting also sorts of shipments, and there's all sorts of boxes and shipping containers that could be considered a "cage". It could have even been a broken discarded cage. Also sorts of things get dumped around various types of industrial areas.

[Hairball]

MyBabiesDaddy: Looks like it's not just your brother-in-law who's got a disgusting mentality about animals, but his family as well!

Even if I hadn't had any pets growing up, I still can't imagine myself having such low respect for life. And he runs a medical facility?! How ironic.

[HooKooDooKu]

Originally Posted by MyBabiesDaddy

I think the reason it hurts is because to me it wasn't just any cat that he killed. As soon as he told the story I imagined what if that was MY baby in that cage!

Easy enough to understand the feeling. Every parent of a 1st grader (my self included) had the exact same feeling when we heard the news of what happenned in Sandy Hook.

Obviously the acts of BIL vs Sandy Hook purpetrator are no where near the same. But the feelings we have for our loved ones is the same... and when I think about it that way, I have a better understanding of your perspective.

Originally Posted by Hairball

And he runs a medical facility?! How ironic.

Not really. People like that are around pain and suffering all the time. They have to detatch themselves from the suffering going on around them to work in an environment like that. As such, it seems that someone working in the medical field would easily detatch themselves from the pain and suffering of a cat... especially if his job is NOT one of a care-giver in that environment.

[onyxsham]

That is the behavior of a sociopath, I wouldn't interact with him for the sheer safety of my life. Going to great lengths to kill an animal is sadistic and disgusting, he sounds like a real dick

[Hairball]

Originally Posted by onyxsham

That is the behavior of a sociopath, I wouldn't interact with him for the sheer safety of my life. Going to great lengths to kill an animal is sadistic and disgusting, he sounds like a real dick

My thoughts, exactly.

[Marcia]

Frankly, I think of all the advice given on this thread the advice to "forgive" is the most productive. It's like forgiving someone that murdered your son or daughter. Forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting or becoming pals, it just means letting go of the anger and hatred. Unforgiveness can eat you up so forgive and move on - and avoid if necessary to your emotional well being...but do post an update about the next family get together!!!

[onyxsham]

Perhaps forgiving is the Christian thing to do, but I am not christian and the guy, if this whole thing is true, is insane and obviously has no morals. There is no point in forgiving him and quite frankly no point in interacting with him. He lacks common human decency and something like that cannot be taught. What are you going to do, send him to sensitivity training. I would avenge the cat, find something that he likes and destroy it (make sure its inanimate object, like a signed jersey or something and burn it, then send him the video and tell him you find that team vile and disgusting.

[Ragdoll_Joy]

Yah, I have watched one too many episodeds of criminal minds...and alot of the UNSUBS start with animal torchure. Scary if you ask me! I would stay away from him if at all possible but considering he is "family" I would just try to limit my contact...
I would kill anyone who tried to hurt our Joy on purpose!
(well maybe not kill...but if it came down to it, I would defend her with my life!)