My Mom is mad at me...

[soccergrl76]

My sister had 6 animals. One I found a home for and the 2 dogs we took to a rescue. She couldn't keep them due to getting out of a nasty relationship & moved into an apartment.

The apartment only allows her to have 2 cats but she actually has 3. I was trying to find a home for the younger one but stopped once the secretaries in the apartment office hinted that she could have the 3.

My mom is mad at me for adopting my new cat, Shadow, when I should have taken my sister's cat. One of my sister's cats is really sick. She has lost a ton of weight, has a cough & has/had blood in her stool.

So now I am feeling regretful for adopting Shadow.


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[Arianwen]

I don't think you should feel guilty. I'm sure your sister would rather have kept all three, especially with one being sick.

[GhostTown]

When my mom gets mad at me I draw her a map that leads her back to her own home.

[Blakeney Green]

Your sister's animals are not your responsibility. I'm sorry that she found herself in a bad situation, but she was the one who chose to bring six pets into her life, which she had to have realized would limit her ability to be mobile if her situation changed. Simply assuming your family will fix it for you if you get in over your head (not that your sister is doing this, but it sounds like your mom expects it) does not count as a reasonable backup plan for a multi-pet household.

Shadow is your responsibility, and you have nothing to feel guilty about in putting your own cat first. You did nothing wrong by adopting Shadow.

Family stuff can be really hard. I'm sorry.

It sounds like you've already done a lot to help your sister and her pets. You can't do everything for her; your sister needs to be responsible for her own pets. It seems to me like maybe this is an experience she needs to have. I understand the impulse to rescue a lot of animals, but they aren't very "rescued" if they're in an uncertain position again when life changes for the new owner.

And why isn't your mom adopting the cat, if she feels someone in the family needs to provide a new home? It seems a bit hypocritical to demand that you do it if she isn't prepared to do it herself.

Please try not to beat yourself up. Adopting Shadow is nothing to feel guilty about. You have to live your own life, not your sister's life.

[soccergrl76]

GhostTown, that made me laugh.

Yes, my sister wanted/wants to keep her 3 cats. Her 4 kids really love the younger one & has had to give up so much already.

My mom doesn't want anymore pets. She doesn't currently have any since putting her cat down 6 years ago. But she said that she will take my sister's cat if she has too. She made me really mad & then said that one of my aunt's asked her why I didn't take the cat. I thought that my sister didn't need to find her a home.

My husband & I paid to get my sister moved out. I was the one calling around for rescue groups for the dogs. I was the one that found a home for her rabbit.

I know that I shouldn't feel guilty for adopting Shadow. I saw her before Christmas & fell in love with her sweet face. The my husband, kids & I met her at the foster mom's house and we loved her.

My mom already says that we spend too much $ in vet bills for my older cat KC. She told me that I must love giving the vet $. That made me so mad. I told her that I am actually sick of going to the vet but right now KC needs to go more often because of his issues. My husband & I are not going to put him down when all if his organs are functioning right now. He was 1 of our first baby's & as a responsible pet owner, we are going to get him what he needs.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I can't talk to real life friends because not all of them are pet owners.


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[Blakeney Green]

Originally Posted by soccergrl76

Yes, my sister wanted/wants to keep her 3 cats. Her 4 kids really love the younger one & has had to give up so much already.

Yeah, this is why it doesn't make sense for your mom to be involved in the first place.

Your sister wanted to keep her cat. You didn't want to adopt the cat. No one was in disagreement. If your sister later decides she needs to place the cat, you already have a full house - again, no one who has a stake in it is disagreeing.

The only reason this seems to be an issue is because your mother is trying to control the situation, and involving other relatives.

Would you feel comfortable telling your mom that this is between you and your sister, and asking her to just let you work it out between you? Because honestly, I think at that point it would become a non-issue.

My mom already says that we spend too much $ in vet bills for my older cat KC.

Again, this is very controlling on your mom's part. I'm not trying to say anything about her personality in general because I don't know her, but at least when it comes to pets it seems like she feels the need to be the boss.

The bottom line is, it's your money, you can spend it however you want.

I also really don't get how some parents think. You teach your kids to be responsible - then criticize them for taking responsibility for their pets? That seems very backwards to me.

You take good care of your pets, and you've done good things for your sister's pets. Don't let other family members make you feel bad.

[soccergrl76]

Thanks. I don't know what her problem is. She raised me to be a good person and to be an animal lover. We always had a cat & dogs.

Oh well, I can't change things now. And we have a full house of pets. As 3 is our limit.

We got Shadow because she is younger and we wanted our kids to be able to interact & play with her since she is a little ball of energy. Our youngest is 6 and our oldest is 10 1/2.


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[LunaTheHimmydoll]

My mom is always mad at me, haha. If I am home for more than 24hrs, we will inevitably end up 'not on speaking terms.' Don't let her make you feel bad!

[Carmel]

Your sister didn't want you to take her cat, I don't see the problem. Even if she'd wanted you to take her cat, that wouldn't have meant you should feel you need to.

A lot of places say no pets or have a limit on them, but as long as all are behaved I've found most places no one care - often no one outside of the owners even knows about the (extra) animals.

[BigDaveyL]

Just wanted to say.... You Sound like an awesome sister!