Cat terrified of everything, what to do?

[Rayneuki]

Hi, I'm new here but I've got a big problem.

My cat, Kit-Kat, is terrified of everyone and everything but myself and my mother. This would be O.K. normally, she doesn't do anything bad she just runs and hides in her litter-box (which is sad), but my boyfriend is over here a lot. It really gets to me that she won't even go near him without me picking her up, it's really depressing. If anyone comes into the apartment she's gone, right into her litter box, and won't come out for an hour after she hears nothing.

A little history may help, she may have been abused by my father whom is no longer in my life (by choice of divorce). When we were moving to where we live now we didn't have anywhere to put her and she was with him for a good while, she was very thin when we finally got her home and extremely skittish. She does run from me and my mom if we move too fast. She will come out if people don't make many sounds or if she thinks it's the T.V., but once she sees that it's my boyfriend or someone other than me or my mother she's gone like a lightning strike. If you move even slightly fast she's gone...

I was wondering if anyone had any ideas to get her to at least like my boyfriend? I really wouldn't mind if she kept not likeing my friends or anything but she won't even get close to my boyfriend willingly... And that hurts

I have tried giving her treats when she does come out or when I pull her out, I've tried putting her near him when he's being exceptionally still and non-threatening, and I just don't know what to do... Any help?

Thank you ahead of time

[Heidi n Q]

Welcome to CatForum and I hope we can help you with your Kit-Kat, but I think you should understand this can be a very long and slow road to travel ... and there is a possibility you may not achieve success, or even the amount of success you want.

First, you need to make this about the kitty. I know you'd like for her to warm up to having company in the home, but you absolutely *must* consider the amount of trauma that may have been inflicted upon her during that time she was separated from you and living with someone who was going through the dissolvement of his marriage and family. He could have been *very* angry and vindictive towards your kitty. In fact, I would say her behavior before/after is a very good indication of it.
THAT, is going to be the hurdle you'll have to overcome with KitKat and I'll be perfectly honest that this is probably one of the most challenging things to help a kitty to overcome.

I trap, tame, socialize and foster feral, semi-feral and poorly-socialized cats/kittens for public adoption. I put all cats through a rigorous de-sensitizing and socialization process so they can be handled by many different people and be able to remain calm, relaxed and confident so they can be adopted into good homes. All of our personal cats are handled in the same manner, too. Most of our personal cats are former ferals whom I tamed after they were adults.

I have had skittish cats who hid when company came over and remained hiding for up to 2hrs after guests left. One particular cat did not begin to overcome this behavior until she was about 8-9yrs old and had frequent repeat guests (neighbors/friends) that she grew accustomed to. In her last years she stopped hiding when these friends came over and would seek attention from them.

What you need to become for KitKat is someone she can look to for security. Be reassuring and respect her fears as you gently try to show her she can trust other people in her home. The first thing I do when socialziing a kitty and trying to help it become relaxed and confident, is to get the kitty to see me (people in general) as The Bringers Of Good Things. I work hard to keep every experience positive, but even with the most care accidents may occur within the process. Apologize to her and move on, just keep striving for forward progress. Practice and master each small step before moving to another. I know it will seem slow-slow-slow, but after some time has passed and you link all of these slow, small steps together you will see what great progress has been made.

Anyhow, please describe to me how she behaves for you and how she behaves for your mother. I would specifically like to know what you think her level of confidence and/or relaxation is when around each of you.
Best of luck and I hope we can help,
heidi =^..^=

[Rayneuki]

Thank you for your quick reply!

When kit-kat's not in one of her extremely fearful moods she's fine. She's constantly up on me or my mother, loving on us and snuggling. When I sit on the couch she comes up into my lap while I read, she sleeps directly beside me, she comes running up when I shake the treat bag, and she has a habit of walking around the apartment and meowing as loud as she can when it's really quiet. She starts meowing a lot when (from what I can understand) it seems like I might not be home anymore. She keeps doing it and doing it until I either yell "Hey kit-kat!" or move. She'll walk ahead of me and then run away when I walk toward her, and sometimes she'll come up to me while I'm on the computer and meow until I reach down to pet her after which she jumps up and flips and runs away. When she does this it doesn't seem to be any sort of fear, more like a "haha you can't get me!".

She never claws or anything, she only hisses or shows any sort of frustration when she gets annoyed at me (for whatever reason, this is so extremely rare that I don't even know what causes it though). She nibbles sometimes when I scratch that right little spot on her butt, but never bites.

Most of these actions are the same as with my mom, but my mom doesn't actively live with me.

[Heidi n Q]

Well, this sounds *very* promising! She isn't as fearful as I had first thought because she already trusts you and appears to be very comfortable, relaxed and confident with you. I think her little cries and/or the run-when-you-approach/pet is an invitation to play with her. Do you have some interactive toys you can play with her? Da Bird, Cat Charmer or a lazer light? Our cats also like little ping-pong balls to chase all over the house ...pick them up and put them away at night if you want to sleep!... and little stuffed toys w/ catnip in them that I toss for the cats to leap up and catch/wrestle with.

Several of my cats like for me to join in with their games of ambush/chase. Louie likes to chase me up/down the hall and 'ambush' me from around doorways or rumpled quilts or stacks of pillows. Interactive play is a good way to strengthen bonds of trust.

In this case, I think the only way to help her get used to people being over is to have them over. Often. And when she does venture out try to keep all of the experiences positive and have your guest initiate treats or gentle play with the interactive toys. Baby steps that eventually add together to lead you both to the final goal.
From what you've described, I think you'll be able to achieve this. The situation doesn't sound as serious as I first thought since she is so comfortable around you. Now you just have to help transition her to being comfortable around you and whomever you are with, too.
heidi =^..^=