Need advice on a very scared adopted kitty

[Lyndzo]

My fiancee and I adopted 2 kitties 1 month ago - a mother and daughter. Autumn is totally fine, loves to play and cuddle. Penny is the mother (now 16 months) and still very scared.

When we first brought her home she spent a few days under a spare bed and wouldn't come out. I guess there has been a little progress, because at night she sneaks out of the room to go downstairs and play with Autumn. In the morning, I will find her in the living room and the second I come down she runs. She's even worse with my fiancee, as soon as she hears him she runs.

The only time I can pet her is if she is eating. We have to trick her out of the room just to get her to run downstairs towards her food, or else she won't come down. She loves food and it's the only time I can sneak a pet in. She won't let my fiancee do that.

I suspect she was abused before she and Autumn were abandoned. My fiancee is upset because she seems more scared of him. I know that she needs lots of time, but I am wondering if she will ever come out of this?

People have told us to just ignore her, but I hate that. I don't think she wants to be completely ignored and I hate the thought of ignoring her. I just can't do that. I want her to know she is loved. I also hate having to scare her out of the spare room so she will come down to eat, but if she doesn't, Autumn eats all her food.

Do you think she will come out of this soon, or ever?

[Syrena]

I have a friend who has the same problem. He took a kitty from the shelter who was around 3 years old at that time. This kitty has been living in the house full of little children before…who knows what they did to him but his main characteristic feature is that he is scared all the time.
However, it is better now. He is living with my friend for 3 years now and he is barely scared when he is home alone only with my friend. But when someone comes to visit, the cat runs and hides under the bed (or in the bed under the blanket) until the visit goes away. This cat is seriously scared of everything and everybody except of my friend.

I think with lot of patience and time, it will get better with your kitty. But she will probably will never be able to completely overcome her fear L

[Lyndzo]

Thanks Syrena. I don't mind her hiding when guests come over. I just hope one day she will be comfortable enough to not run away from us.

[MowMow]

Originally Posted by Lyndzo

Do you think she will come out of this soon, or ever?

Imho, not if you keep doing this:

Originally Posted by Lyndzo

having to scare her out of the spare room so she will come down to eat,

Again, it's just imho, but if you keep scaring her in ANY way she's going to keep thinking that you are not trustworthy. I don't think completely ignoring her is the answer either.

Put her food and water in the spare room and shut the door. In 1/2 an hour go in and pick up the food (leave the water) so your other cat can't eat it.

When the house is quiet then take a book in the room where she hides and sit near where she is hiding and read your book(I would read it out loud in a soft voice) If the other cat comes in you can pet her and talk quietly to her and love on her. Let mom cat see and hear how nice you are... At least that's what I would try (There are WAY more experienced people on here that might be able to help more). I would absolutely stop scaring her on purpose though. n

[Straysmommy]

You have to start thinking about it 5 months from now. Then again 6 months later. That way you're not expecting big changes all the time. In the meantime, I'd let her eat in her room, with the door open. No sense in forcing her outside her comfort zone. She'll come out of the room and out of her shell when she's ready, and if it's in her own terms, she'll be all the more trusting than if she's thrust into socializing every day forced by needing to eat.

I adopted a stray, about 3 years old, she wouldn't play, in fact she'd run and hide in panic if a toy moved near her. She'd hide all day and night. Now 6 months later, she loves to play and never hides. And I know she'll still change a lot in the next few years.

[Lyndzo]

Thanks for the advice! I guess I mispoke (err typed) we don't specifically scare her on purpose. We go into the room and try to pet her to see if she'll come out, that spooks her and she runs downstairs.

Anyway, I will try your advice and put the food in the room for her. Maybe that will get her to be more trusting of us. I will try the book thing as well!

Just wondering, if she is under the bed to hide, should we ignore her? Occasionally when she is under there, she will let us stroke her paw. I'm thinking maybe we should not try to pet her at all when she is under there.

[MowMow]

If it were me I wouldn't bother her when she's hiding. I would let her come to you.

For example neither of my cats are timid...at all but I still have a 'safe place' for them. In my spare bedroom(craft room) I have two fuzzy blankets on the daybed in there. If either/both cats are in there I don't bother them. I don't talk to them, go in to pet them and I try to stay out of that room when they are there. It's THEIR space. Both of them do go in there sometimes to decompress and get away and when they come out they always seem over the top affectionate.

[Lyndzo]

Thanks MowMow. I will keep the spare room as their room and not bother them. I'll tell my fianceé and hope he listens! LOL

[mimitabby]

When we tame wild kittens we put them somewhere where we can always reach them. I think your cat was probably NOT abused, more like, she's just not socialized with people.
Continue petting her under the bed. Give her treats when you pet her. Find something she thinks is irresistible (you might have to experiment). Go in there and read, talk, do your exercises, turn a radio on (leave it on all day when you're not around). She has to get used to you.

[Lyndzo]

I do lay on the floor next to the bed (when she's under) and just talk to her. I can tell if she doesn't want me to try petting her. Every time I pass a room she's in, I stop and talk to her. So I hope that is helping her feel at ease. Maybe that is why she is a tiny bit less scared of me than my fianceé. When he goes to visit her, he gives her treats but she eats them and runs. She sure does love food lol