What should I do?

[grrawritsjordi]

Ziggy is about 5.5 months old, maybe 6 months now and she has not been fixed. She is my roommate's cat and I do not feel it is my responsibility to take her in to get fixed. Plus, I work 40hr a week, so I don't have time.

My roommate isn't home very often since he got a girlfriend after he was on vacation for a few weeks. She is a great cat but she is unfortunately growing up feeling like she doesn't have an owner. I do not want to take it upon myself to make her my cat, but I feel so bad for her.

What should I do? Even when he is here she wants to sleep in our room, but having her and Moosey in the room at the same time means I get zero sleep because they are playing or fighting.

Also, Moosey is really mean to her sometimes making her cry. I think this is because she isn't fixed. I plan to buy some feliway so Moosey feels a little less stressed, but until I have the money, I am stuck with Ziggy crying.

What should I do? I don't want my roommate to feel offended because I have brought up the fact that she needs to be fixed several times, in the nicest way possible. But I am also a little angry that he got a cat and I am stuck taking after her. He does pay for food and litter and stuff.

HELP! (please )

[spirite]

I'd be angry if I were you too. His cat is his responsibility, and it seems like he feels it's ok if he's not around, because he knows you're around in case the cat needs anything. He's taking advantage of the fact that you're a cat person and that you also have a cat.

How has your roommate responded when you brought up getting her fixed? Does he just not want to pay, or is he against spaying? Or does he just not care?

[grrawritsjordi]

Originally Posted by spirite

I'd be angry if I were you too. His cat is his responsibility, and it seems like he feels it's ok if he's not around, because he knows you're around in case the cat needs anything. He's taking advantage of the fact that you're a cat person and that you also have a cat.

How has your roommate responded when you brought up getting her fixed? Does he just not want to pay, or is he against spaying? Or does he just not care?

That's the problem. He had a cat when we first moved in, but it was his ex girlfriend's cat. I really bonded with him but she came to get him and I cried my eyes out. My roommate always said when Patchki (the cat) was gone he would get another cat, but I didn't want one until I realized how much I bonded with Patchki. I went to the adoption shelter the next day and met Moosey (her real name is Mitzi, but she is as big as a Moose, so we call her Moosey, for the most part). I told my roommate that I found a cat that I really liked and he seemed upset that I wanted a cat too, but he said he wouldn't mind having two.

Ever since we got them, he has hardly been around because he goes to a very good film school and he is a very social person, plus, he went to New York for a few weeks then he came back and got a girlfriend. My boyfriend and I try to give Ziggy a lot of attention and I think that is one reason why Moosey is so mean to her. She wants Ziggy to know where her place is in the house.

In regard to the spaying, he is not against spaying and the shelter we got her from gave us a voucher to get her spayed, so it is free. All he has to do is take the time to take her in. I even told him that if he did it on a Thursday and picked her up late the next day, I would spend the whole weekend with her making sure Moosey leaves her alone and she heals.

I truly love Ziggy and if he told me he didn't want her anymore I would adopt her from him and take over. But now I don't feel like it is my place to "mother" her or take over any sort of ownership. But it is hard when I see that Moosey, my boyfriend and I are so bonded now and Ziggy seems like a guest.

[grrawritsjordi]

I mean, how could you not love this face? (My boyfriend took this about 20 mins ago)

[Carmel]

Ziggy is very cute!

That sounds really frustrating, I'd say something like you think she's going into heat and needs to get spayed since she's keeping you awake at night... getting her spayed is only the start, though. He's basically making you care for his cat, by the sounds of it. I don't know how to tactfully bring that up, if it's really bothering you I would just be direct about it all. Say you don't want to care for his cat, she's his responsibility and if he can't care for her, to either give you ownership of the cat or be around for her on a daily basis to take care of her needs, as you don't want to feel like you own a cat when you really don't.

I'm in a vaguely similar situation with a family member's dog. The dog is well cared for but spends about half her time at this house instead of at the family member's home. The family member lives in a condo so is probably too lazy to take the dog outside all the time and wants a break from the responsibilities of dog ownership; then complains the dog is "a traitor" ... in reality, the dog just knows who loves and cares for her the most. They know that, they've admitted a bunch of times that the dog loves me more and would pick me over them (this question has actually come up in conversation with more than one group of distant relatives! They see the dog with me when her "owner" is being ignored and must wonder what's up). They created their own situation, with our help, so I don't feel sorry for them at all. We just enable their lazy lifestyle, it's our fault too. The only time she's their dog is when they take her back to their place. It does cause a bit of a rift for sure, but we definitely enrich the dog's life so we aren't going to change things. Our family member is very close to us and will always be in our life. Your roommate... not so much. You're setting yourself up for heartbreak at this rate.

[grrawritsjordi]

Originally Posted by Carmel

You're setting yourself up for heartbreak at this rate.

This is the biggest problem of the whole thing. My boyfriend and I have come to really like Ziggy. We play with her every night, give her treats, brush her and she naps on us and even sleeps with us. I always feel bad when I lock her out of the room because I know she is sleeping alone and I can't stand the thought of it. But Moosey is my cat and she will usually sleep under the bed if Ziggy is on the bed and I wake up in the middle of the night to Ziggy crying because Moosey is trying to kick her off the bed. Then no one is happy.

I am planning to buy a cat tree/tower/condo when I get my tax check so they will have something to play on, which will hopefully calm them down. But I really think getting her fixed would make a lot of the problems better.

I really like my roommate and he is a nice guy. I don't want this to be a problem between us. I have had roommates for the past 5 years because of college, so I know what a tiny little problem can escalate into.

Thanks for everyone's responses and more input would be appreciated!!

[Marcia]

Originally Posted by grrawritsjordi

I really like my roommate and he is a nice guy. I don't want this to be a problem between us. I have had roommates for the past 5 years because of college, so I know what a tiny little problem can escalate into.

Thanks for everyone's responses and more input would be appreciated!!

Then by all means, I would have a sit down with him and tell him that. If this is not dealt with, the problem will fester and grow until all of a sudden you have a real problem on your hands. In communal living, just like a marriage, communication is the key.

Good luck I hope it all works out soon

[grrawritsjordi]

Just to let everyone know, Ziggy is at the vet right now being prepared to get spayed. I am going to miss that little lady tonight and I think the Moose will, too.

I packed up a few oz of her food for her overnight stay.

The whole situation is 10x better.

[anie]

awesome!

[KozyKitty]

He may be relieved if you tell him that you will take over ownership responsibilities for her. That way when he does come home he can play with the kitty and everything like he does now, but doesn't have to worry about all the other stuff. I also like the comment about telling him she maybe going into heat (which very well could be true) and remind him that cats menstruate too and since they aren't like humans that wear pads or tampons, he may have to deal with blood on his stuff. Now you don't have to tell him that the amount of blood they leak is so small, but I am thinking that the thought of his stuff getting menstruation blood on it may be enough to get him in gear. Good luck! You are in a tough spot.