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Old 12-18-2012, 04:17 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I'd like to first say that I am a new mother. My daughter is 9 weeks today.
Flash back to July 4, 2005. I used to work for a vet and a stray cat have birth to two kittens. I walked in, held her and in that moment I knew she was mine. I actually said, "you're mine." I sang to her, helped her walk, talked to her and loved her like she was my baby.
Unfortunately, when I took her to get spayed, the tech tried to take her blood incorrectly and too many times...she ended up gassing her and she never woke up. He was 6 months and a day. I was heart broken and it took about five years to not cry on the day she died.

Now...go back to January 17, 5 days before my birthday. I absolutely hate my birthday because my dad almost passed away when I was 11 on my birthday. I get very worried of losing people close to me.
I had a cat, his name was Indy. He was 4 years old and he was my baby boy. I had him since he was 6 months.
About 9pm, January 17, I said goodnight, turned to walk away and he reached for me, fell over, convulsed, I held him and he took his las breath. We drove to the emergency vet and they said he may have had a heart attack an I refused to believe that because that is what almost took my father when I was 11. We really don't know what happened to him.

I keep his picture on my phone and around me at all times. I'm fearing January 17th next month. Am I silly to be this upset over his loss?! I feel like I am and don't know what I will do when that day comes. At least my newborn will distract me...
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Old 12-18-2012, 06:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
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You're not silly, just scared. A horrible coincidence has shaken you up very badly and your hormones are probably all over the place as well. When you think about it, most of the January 17ths in your life have been "normal" - there is no real reason why this one won't pass by without incident as well. Praying blessings on you in your fear.
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Old 12-18-2012, 10:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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no, you are not silly.
I had similar feelings about month August. Many depressing events in my life happened in August. My beloved dog, who was my first pet, passed away in horrible pain in August. I still cannot get over that pain she went through, and it happened years ago. Last and the most painful thing in my life happened in August 2008. My dad died in accident, mountain climbing in Italy. I still do not believe it happened, its like a bad dream. I live in the US now and every time I go to Europe to visit my mom I always feel like he is going to greet me at the airport...

there were other things happening to me in August, most of them not worth to mention here, but they hurt. a lot.


But somehow I overcame that awful feeling and August is not that scary anymore. you just need time. and good things happening around and on Jan 17th. I hope it's going to happen for you very soon

Last edited by anie; 12-18-2012 at 10:45 AM. Reason: typos
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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First of all, congratulations on your new daughter!!

You have to remember your previous pets had better lives because you cared for them. It's OK to grieve for them or miss them. They were part of your family.
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:23 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my sweet Shmokey Shmoo (Smokey) on January 14, 2011. He started convulsing and making a noise that sounded like deep moan. We rushed him to the emergency vet, but it was too late. The vet technician told me that Smokey was in full cardiac arrest and asked me what I wanted to do. I didn't want my baby boy to suffer anymore and I know that cats don't really recover from cardiac arrest, so I made the painful decision to have him put down.

The thing about losing Smokey that day is 1) seeing my poor cat convulsing under the dining room table and 2) January 14 is also my oldest son's birthday. Here we were singing "Happy Birthday" and my kitty is having a feline heart attack. The guilt I feel over his passing is so overwhelming. He was also FIV/FeLV+ and anemic, but I still feel like I should have done more. And my daughter was sitting with Smokey when the convulsions started.

If someone can tell me how I can stop feeling like crap because I was celebrating my son's birthday while my cat was dying, I will SO greatly appreciate it. This eats me up night and day. And while my son will be turning 21 next month, I'm not really feeling the joy.
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Old 12-18-2012, 02:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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my4kitties, I have very similar feeling of guilt associated with my beloved dog's death. It's been 15 years (yes, 15) and it's still there. I am not even able to talk to other people why I feel so awful about it I have only told one friend so far... maybe I will be able to write about it here at some point.

but I know how you feel....









ps. your son has birthday on my birthday people born Jan 14th are very special, tell him that
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Old 12-18-2012, 03:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I recommend the book
The Loss of a Pet by William Sife to help work through grief issues. (I got the kindle version from Amazon but you can probably also find it at your library).

The death of my former heart-kitty Sophie was really hard to cope with & this book helped.
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by my4kitties View Post
I understand exactly how you feel. I lost my sweet Shmokey Shmoo (Smokey) on January 14, 2011. He started convulsing and making a noise that sounded like deep moan. We rushed him to the emergency vet, but it was too late. The vet technician told me that Smokey was in full cardiac arrest and asked me what I wanted to do. I didn't want my baby boy to suffer anymore and I know that cats don't really recover from cardiac arrest, so I made the painful decision to have him put down.

The thing about losing Smokey that day is 1) seeing my poor cat convulsing under the dining room table and 2) January 14 is also my oldest son's birthday. Here we were singing "Happy Birthday" and my kitty is having a feline heart attack. The guilt I feel over his passing is so overwhelming. He was also FIV/FeLV+ and anemic, but I still feel like I should have done more. And my daughter was sitting with Smokey when the convulsions started.

If someone can tell me how I can stop feeling like crap because I was celebrating my son's birthday while my cat was dying, I will SO greatly appreciate it. This eats me up night and day. And while my son will be turning 21 next month, I'm not really feeling the joy.
My Indy had done the same but it was literally 30 seconds before he had his last breath. There was no point in going to the vet but they tried.

Growing up, I had 5 cats in my house and I'm always liking finding similar cats. The day before my wedding, the very last of the 5 cats had to be put down. Then, within an hour, I had to wipe the tears and buck up for my rehearsal. I don't think I grieved enough and am tearing writing this. He was my dads cat but he was a family cat who was so sweet. He was my first cats boyfriend (that cat passed away a year prior).

I do feel guilty that I did not grieve for him and I know you feel guilty for your cat having gone into his last moments while you celebrated but we not shouldn't feel guilty because we loved them and they still have thoughts in our minds.

Thanks everyone. I hope my daughter can just sleep a good amount and smile this year...then a few days later, she gets baptized.
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Hi there, I am sorry about your lossess. I lost my beloved St. Bernard, Lilly, about 18 months ago, and have not recovered yet. I don't think I ever will. She was my dearest friend and was there for me through some rough times. Take it easy and enjoy your new baby daughter. You are not silly at all, like a previous poster said you are just scared of might happen. Don't let that fear rob you of the joy you could be feeling right now. I wish you the best.
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Old 12-19-2012, 01:31 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anie View Post
my4kitties, I have very similar feeling of guilt associated with my beloved dog's death. It's been 15 years (yes, 15) and it's still there. I am not even able to talk to other people why I feel so awful about it I have only told one friend so far... maybe I will be able to write about it here at some point.

but I know how you feel....

I'm glad for this thread. I had always wanted to post about how guilty I felt, and still feel, about Smokey's final minutes. I would start a post, but halfway through, I'd delete it. I just couldn't find the words and I thought I was silly.



Quote:
ps. your son has birthday on my birthday people born Jan 14th are very special, tell him that
Five years before my son was born, my cousin gave birth to her son on January 14, 1987. So my son shares a birthday with his cousin. And my youngest son was born on August 5, 1999. He shares a birthday with my uncle who was born on August 5, 1946.

And yes, people born on January 14 are very special.
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