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Old 06-30-2012, 07:31 PM   #171 (permalink)
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Inner Peace:

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy for you,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without alcohol,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
 
then you are probably



 
 
 
 
 
 










the family dog.
(and you thought I was going to lay a bunch of spiritual B.S. on you.)
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:14 PM   #172 (permalink)
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A man was driving down the road,and ran out of gas. JUST then,a honeybee flew in his window and asked hummingly, 'what's wrong?' 'I'm out of gas' the man replied. 'Leave it to me' replied the bee, and with an apian salute, flew into his gas tank. Some time later the car was fueled up and ready to go! 'What did you put in my gas tank?' asked the man

...BP...
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Old 07-08-2012, 05:42 AM   #173 (permalink)
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A british (ok Scottish) player is in the Wimbledon final..... lol.
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Old 07-28-2012, 04:30 PM   #174 (permalink)
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There's a place in London where your pets can exchange dollars for pounds.

BARK-LEY'S BANK!
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Old 07-28-2012, 05:01 PM   #175 (permalink)
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oh dear oh dear Blue
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:16 PM   #176 (permalink)
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NASA update: The bar on the moon did NOT work out. It had no atmosphere.
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Old 10-20-2012, 06:14 PM   #177 (permalink)
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How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
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Old 10-22-2012, 11:35 PM   #178 (permalink)
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Excepts from what I heard at a talk, "Story of the 2 carrots":

2 carrots, carrot A and carrot B were driving on the road. Then they met with a accident and were both taken to the hospital. Carrot A was fine but carrot B was in bad shape and had to undergo surgery. Then surgeon came out from surgery room

Carrot A : How's my friend?
Surgeon : I have both good news and bad news.
Carrot A : (anxiously waiting for surgeon to go on)
Surgeon : The good news is, your friend is out of danger. The bad news is, he's gonna be a VEGETABLE for the rest of his life.
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:56 AM   #179 (permalink)
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__________________
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Old 11-17-2012, 05:06 PM   #180 (permalink)
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What sound does a space turkey make?

Hubblehubblehubble!
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