Not enough jokes. - Page 19

bluemilk · 11-24-2012, 02:53 PM

What has 8 legs, goes splish-splash, and talks kitty?

The catforum synchronized swimming team!

**marie73** · 02-16-2013, 03:46 PM

Shopping at Tiffany's

A lady walks into Tiffany’s... she looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet
and walks over to inspect it...as she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts...

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near...

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her...good looking as well .. cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like tiffany's...he politely greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam .. How may we help you today?”

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?”

He answers, “Madam .. if you farted just looking at it -
you're going to ***** when I tell you the price ..”

bluemilk · 02-18-2013, 06:58 PM

I LUV IT!!!!!!

Here's 1 from the 80s. How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill the gas tank.

cinderflower · 02-19-2013, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marie73

shopping at tiffany's

he answers, “madam .. If you farted just looking at it -
you're going to ***** when i tell you the price ..”

lol

Yuki'sMum · 02-19-2013, 06:59 AM

Marie lmfao! I can't wait to share that one!

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bluemilk · 04-03-2013, 08:04 PM

Did you hear Archie Bunker won a cake raffle? Now he gets to have his cake and Edith,too!

bluemilk · 04-26-2013, 03:34 PM

A saloon keeper in the old west was giving a new bartender some instructions. "Now,if you ever hear ' Big John's coming' just drop everything and head for the hills! Big John's the biggest,meanest,toughest outlaw ridin the trails!"

A few weeks pass and everything goes smoothly. Then one day the bartender hears 'Big John's coming!' The saloon instantly clears. The bartender attempts to flee,but is knocked down by a mob of fleeing townsfolk. As he stumbles to his feet,he sees a 7 foot-tall guy with snakeskin boots and a sneer that would frighten a raging bull. "Gimmie a beer,NOW!' He rumbles. The bartender quickly draws a draft for the monster,who chugs it in 1 gulp,then slams the mug on the bar. "C-can I get you another one,sir? " "Dangit,I don't have time! Didn't you hear Big John's a comin?' "

cinderflower · 04-27-2013, 02:38 AM

Q. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

A. Easy. Just look for the Fresh Prince.

Lovemychanel · 04-28-2013, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zack_the_Mouse

not really a joke but any ways

Rules from the Cat for Me:

This is hilarious!!!!!

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bluemilk · 04-30-2013, 06:55 PM

A famous bandito robbed a bank in Texas,then fled across the border. A Texas Ranger caught up with him,and began to grill him,but then realized the desperado spoke no English. So the Ranger dragged the bandit into a cantina,and yelled 'Anyone here speak English?' An old man replied,'I do,senor' and found himself appointed as translator as the interrogation began again. 'Did he rob the bank?' The outlaw answered and the translator said,'He did.' 'does he know where the money is?' 'He does.' Well HE'D BETTER TELL ME,BY CHAPSTICK!' The outlaw answered that he'd hidden the loot in a water-proof sack in a well in the middle of town. The Ranger said, 'WELL!?' 'He say he no afraid to die, you eediot Gringo!'

02-16-2013, 03:46 PM	#182 (permalink)
marie73 Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 29,016	Shopping at Tiffany's A lady walks into Tiffany’s... she looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it...as she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts... Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a salesperson was not anywhere near... As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her...good looking as well .. cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like tiffany's...he politely greets the lady with, “Good day, Madam .. How may we help you today?” Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little 'incident', she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?” He answers, “Madam .. if you farted just looking at it - you're going to *** when I tell you the price ..” __________________ Marie, and Always in my heart, my lovely Cinderella, running free at the Bridge.** http://www.catforum.com/forum/member...signature2.jpg

02-19-2013, 06:59 AM	#185 (permalink)
Yuki'sMum Cat Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Vancouver area, British Columbia, Canada Posts: 224	Not enough jokes. Marie lmfao! I can't wait to share that one! Sent from Petguide.com Free App

11-24-2012, 02:53 PM	#181 (permalink)
bluemilk Cat Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Youngstown,Ohio Posts: 2,541	What has 8 legs, goes splish-splash, and talks kitty? The catforum synchronized swimming team!

02-18-2013, 06:58 PM	#183 (permalink)
bluemilk Cat Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Youngstown,Ohio Posts: 2,541	I LUV IT!!!!!! Here's 1 from the 80s. How do you double the value of a Yugo? Fill the gas tank.

04-03-2013, 08:04 PM	#186 (permalink)
bluemilk Cat Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Youngstown,Ohio Posts: 2,541	Did you hear Archie Bunker won a cake raffle? Now he gets to have his cake and Edith,too!

04-26-2013, 03:34 PM	#187 (permalink)
bluemilk Cat Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Youngstown,Ohio Posts: 2,541	A saloon keeper in the old west was giving a new bartender some instructions. "Now,if you ever hear ' Big John's coming' just drop everything and head for the hills! Big John's the biggest,meanest,toughest outlaw ridin the trails!" A few weeks pass and everything goes smoothly. Then one day the bartender hears 'Big John's coming!' The saloon instantly clears. The bartender attempts to flee,but is knocked down by a mob of fleeing townsfolk. As he stumbles to his feet,he sees a 7 foot-tall guy with snakeskin boots and a sneer that would frighten a raging bull. "Gimmie a beer,NOW!' He rumbles. The bartender quickly draws a draft for the monster,who chugs it in 1 gulp,then slams the mug on the bar. "C-can I get you another one,sir? " "Dangit,I don't have time! Didn't you hear Big John's a comin?' "

04-27-2013, 02:38 AM	#188 (permalink)
cinderflower Cool Cat Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: indoors most of the time Posts: 1,298	Q. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A. Easy. Just look for the Fresh Prince.

04-30-2013, 06:55 PM	#190 (permalink)
bluemilk Cat Addict Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Youngstown,Ohio Posts: 2,541	A famous bandito robbed a bank in Texas,then fled across the border. A Texas Ranger caught up with him,and began to grill him,but then realized the desperado spoke no English. So the Ranger dragged the bandit into a cantina,and yelled 'Anyone here speak English?' An old man replied,'I do,senor' and found himself appointed as translator as the interrogation began again. 'Did he rob the bank?' The outlaw answered and the translator said,'He did.' 'does he know where the money is?' 'He does.' Well HE'D BETTER TELL ME,BY CHAPSTICK!' The outlaw answered that he'd hidden the loot in a water-proof sack in a well in the middle of town. The Ranger said, 'WELL!?' 'He say he no afraid to die, you eediot Gringo!'

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