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08-21-2010, 05:49 PM
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#73 (permalink) |
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Cat Addict
 Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Youngstown,Ohio
Posts: 1,663
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A guy found an oil lamp,and when he rubbed it a genie appeared! Citing technical difficulties,the genie said he could not grant 3 wishes. "But for knock-off prizes I can give you a cure-all potion,a big diamond,and a dinner date with a female movie star." The man agreed,and when he got home,he asked his wife if anything unusual had happened. "Oh,yes,dear",she replied. A 55 gallon drum of chicken soup arrived today,your cousin left you a minor-league baseball field and mgm called. You're having dinner with Lassie tonight."
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11-15-2010, 09:18 PM
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#76 (permalink) |
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Cat Addict
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Youngstown,Ohio
Posts: 1,663
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A guy boards a plane and walks to his seat. To his surprise,the seat next to his contains a parrot. He timidly orders a coffee. The parrot,roaring and cursing,orders a whiskey. Shaken,the stewardess brings the whiskey but not the coffee.. The parrot tips back the glass and,cursing more loudly orders another. The guy again timidly orders a coffee. Once again the stewardess waits on the obnoxious avian,but not the man. Finally the guy's had enough. Summoning his resolve, he bellows for a coffee,swearing like a sailor. The crew throw them both out the emergency exit.
The parrot says,'you know,for someone who can't fly,you're very cheeky.' |
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12-08-2010, 04:01 PM
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#77 (permalink) |
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Jr. Cat
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 45
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A Polish man frοm Chicago married a Wisconsin girl.Aftеr hе hаԁ bееn іn thе
states a year οr ѕο аnԁ, although hіѕ English wаѕ far frοm perfect, thеу ɡοt along very well. Until one day hе rυѕhеԁ іntο a lawyer’s office аnԁ аѕkеԁ hіm іf hе сουƖԁ arrange a divorce fοr hіm “very qυісk.” Thе lawyer ѕаіԁ thаt thе speed οf getting a divorce wουƖԁ depend οn thе circumstances аnԁ аѕkеԁ hіm thе following qυеѕtіοnѕ: LAWYER: Hаνе уου аnу grounds? POLE: Yes, yes, аn acre аnԁ half аnԁ a nice ƖіttƖе home wіth 3 bedrooms. LAWYER “Nο,” I mean whаt іѕ thе foundation οf thіѕ case?” POLE: “It іѕ mаԁе οf concrete, brick аnԁ mortar,” hе responded. LAWYER: “Dοеѕ еіthеr οf уου hаνе a real grudge?” POLE: “Nο,” hе rерƖіеԁ, “Wе hаνе a two-car carport аnԁ hаνе never really needed one.” LAWYER “I mean, whаt аrе уουr relations Ɩіkе?” POLE: “AƖƖ mу relations аrе іn Poland.” LAWYER: “Iѕ thеrе аnу infidelity іn уουr marriage?” POLE: “Yes, wе hаνе hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player wіth 6.1 sound. Wе don’t necessarily Ɩіkе thе music, bυt thе аnѕwеr tο уουr qυеѕtіοnѕ іѕ yes.” LAWYER: ” Nο, I mean ԁοеѕ уουr wife beat уου up?” POLE: NO: ” I’m always up before hеr.” LAWYER: ” WHY ԁο уου want thіѕ divorce?” POLE: “SHE going tο kіƖƖ mе.” LAWYER: “Whаt mаkеѕ уου thіnk thаt?” POLE: “I ɡοt proof.” LAWYER: “Whаt kind οf proof?” POLE: “Shе going tο poison mе. Shе bυу a bottle аt thе drug store аnԁ рυt οn shelf іn bathroom. I саn read – іt ѕауѕ, “Polish Remover.”
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Last edited by marie73; 12-08-2010 at 04:38 PM. |
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03-07-2011, 03:58 PM
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#78 (permalink) |
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Cat Addict
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Youngstown,Ohio
Posts: 1,663
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2 guys from Prague are out hunting bear. They happen upon a huge bear and his mate. The bear attacks,swallowing 1 hunter whole. "Don't worry" says the other,"I'll go get help!" He goes to town organizes a rescue party. Soon they track the bears and prepare to fire. Suddenly the surviving hunter shouts "No! That's the female! The Czech is in the male!"
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03-07-2011, 07:51 PM
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#80 (permalink) |
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Cat
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: connecticut
Posts: 197
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anybody that jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine
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"In studying the traits and dispositions of the so-called lower animals, and contrasting them with man's, I find the result humiliating to me." --Mark Twain |
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