Lil'Fella......

[RachandNito]

Thanks everyone. Little Rico (one of my fosters) has been such an angel, cheering me up big time. I told my mom about it, and she asked that I bring him by when I visit tomorrow to see Fella's grave, in hopes that he can cheer up my little sister. Something tells me Rico might be finding a new home soon... Lil'Fella can never be replaced, but I do believe Rico could help heal my sister's heart, just maybe. At least I know he will bring a smile to her face when we visit tomorrow. He's such a perky little goof ball. And his little white mustache of white on his lips... hehe, he's so cute.

It's been a rough day. Coincidentally, we had a lecture about various cardiac problems in cats, and just my luck we would spend about 20 minutes on Fella's specific problem. I am glad the lights were off... there were tears in my eyes the whole time. Then the next class focused on euthanasia... ahhh, how much sadness can one soul take in a day? We watched a video of a dog being put to sleep, with her weeping owner at her side. It was so sad, but I am trying to move past it- I will have to be able to in my future profession. But like my teacher said- it never will be, and never should be easy.

[RachandNito]

I went home today. Standing beside his grave is when it hit me... I am never going to see him alive again. It was a very hard, emotional moment for me. But as I stood there, alone, suddenly I became aware of a presence beside me and there was Elfie, sitting serenely by my feet. Such a sweet old boy, I gave him a good scratch at it helped ease my sad burden. I had dinner with my youngest sister (12) and we talked for a long time about Fella without tears. We were able to laugh a little when we joked about Fella haunting Nito, and how much he would enjoy it (the two of them were frenemies). I was struck by how mature she is (she has already lost two beloved rabbits in the past year). She told me very simply that yes, her heart is broken, but she feels grateful to have known Fella as long as she did. She said she would have rather had this happen than to never have known him at all.

Oh, and as for Rico... he's staying at my parents house "for just a week to cheer us up." Riiiight. Lizzy told me she feels a little guilty, that she doesn't want to replace Fella. But she also feels he would want her to be happy too. My mom said she doesn't want another pet, because she hates to see Lizzy so heartbroken. Lizzy replied by saying that yes, she is sad now, but it was a price she was glad to pay for love. How is this kid so insightful? Here I am in shambles, heartbroken, unable to cope at times and this 12 year old little girl is able to be so mature and optimistic about it. When I left, Rico was cuddled up on Lizzy's chest, purring his tiny little heart out.

After talking with Liz, sharing memories of Fella, and finding the support in my family that I really needed, I feel a sense of closure. I miss him greatly, but he is free now. And when I was walking up my parent's drive way, I could have sworn I heard the little "Mreeew!" he used to give before he'd emerge from the bushes and beg for attention.