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Old 04-07-2011, 04:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Lost my Max, grieving, scared of how I feel and if it'll end

I can hardly breathe. I can't speak without crying. I had my one year old cream tabby boy Max PTS yesterday with renal failure probably from anti-freeze poisoning. Today is the first day in a long long time that he wasn't waiting outside my bedroom door, the first day he didn't accompany me to the loo, didn't nag for his breakfast, didn't come and give me a hug while licking his lips while I'm sat here now. Fiona lay in his spot on the bed this morning, between me and my husband, and purred at us and pushed her face into our hands. I know I am grieving. I have a Max-sized hole in my life. How do I get over that? I actually loved him, like a person, looked forward to seeing him when I got in from work. I don't even know where to start.
I have a half hour drive to pick his stuff up from the overnight vet today, his pillow, his collar, the carrybox.
I can't smell him anymore or feel how soft he is. I'm scared I'll forget his meow, his uneven purr, the feel of his breath on my cheek when he insisted on sleeping right up in my face. It feels like nothing much else matters.
What now?
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Old 04-07-2011, 08:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
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((((hugs)))

Its hard losing a loved one.They get their paws in your heart and you are left with the footprints. All I can say is celebrate what time you had with him.

I lost Squeek last April to cancer, 4 months before her 17th birthday and 5 months later I lost her Littermate Paws to a stroke. I spent weeks seeing them everywhere. In the kitchen, sleeping on the chairs. staring at me from doorways.

It may feel like it now, but you won't forget them. The memories will get a bit easier and all the more sweeter.

I am sorry about your loss, But I will celebrate what you gained by having a wonderful companion join you for his brief stay also.

Lots of ((hugs)) to you and the ones you still have.
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Old 04-07-2011, 08:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I am so, so sorry! Yes you will grieve & it will take a while & that's OK.

You won't forget him and the pain of it all will lessen with time. I had to have my cat Sophie PTS last June and I still miss her but I just mostly remember the happy times now. A book that helped me was "The Loss of a Pet" by Wallace Sife (I got it on kindle format). One of the things you can do is make a memory book with pictures and write down things that you remember about Max.
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Old 04-07-2011, 10:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
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When you have a cat you love so much and there was a close bond where the love was mutual, it's so very hard to get over the loss. I truly believe that no love is ever lost and you will be reunited with Max some day. I've had to bury three cats that I had a "soul connection", and one in particular it took me about six months to really get over her grief. Even her catfriend would not believe she died as she would go thro the house meowing and demanding every closet door be opened. She would sit where her catfriend used to sit, and she even strayed away and got lost for three days (I think from looking for her). She had never left our property before. When I decided to get another kitten, it helped tremendously to get over the grief. Hard to be sad when a kitty is being cute, cuddly and full of funny antics. I hope you'll be able to get to that place, but it is normal to grieve a pet's loss. Remember the good times you had with Max....so very tragic that he died of anti-freeze poisoning. All the best to you. And do give all your other cats extra cuddles and kisses as they're likely grieving too.

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; unless my pets are there to welcome me." ~ Anonymous
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Old 04-07-2011, 01:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I know what you're feeling. I lost two to anti-freeze poisoning in February and every day it is a struggle just to get out of bed. If not for the others, I probably wouldn't get out of bed at all. But we just have to keep on doing what needs doing, even though our hearts aren't in it and have faith that eventually our grief will lessen. And it will, I promise. I've been through grief before, and while it seems like in the very depths of it that you will always feel this way, it does get easier. For some reason though when it's our animal companions it seems to take longer. I think this is probably because when we lose an animal, the people around us expect us to get over it and get on with life so we tend to hide what we're feeling and do a lot of pretending. Also, we feel responsible for everything that happens to our pets, just like we do our children. It's the same kind of bond, even if they aren't children. Love is love, regardless of species and I think that's the problem with people not understanding our grief. But the people on this forum understand your grief, so you are in the right place.

Spend a lot of extra special time with your other kitties. They need you and they will help you to heal.

I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs to you.
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tigressbythetail View Post
Spend a lot of extra special time with your other kitties. They need you and they will help you to heal.
I can't agree with this more. When I lost my Smokey on January 14 of this year, I was devastated. He was supposed to be the kitty who was going to come with me when I moved out.. I knew that my time with him would be short (he was FIV/FeLV+), but I *never* thought I'd lose him when I did. Thank God for my other heart kitty, Star. He was Smokey's buddy and was grieving for him, too. Star knows that I still hurt over the loss of my Shmoo Boo, but Star is there when I need him. He has even taken on some of Shmoo's mannerisms. Smokey loved to sit on my lap, but never completely on it. He'd either have his front half on my lap, or in some cases, his back half. Smokey was a lover and Star is too, but now even moreso. I thank God for Star everyday. If I didn't have him, I don't know how I would have made it through the almost 3 months since he's been gone
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Old 04-07-2011, 02:27 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you all xx
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he is gone forever. I won't ever get to feel him again, will never see him again.
The book is a great idea and one I can create easily as I have so many photos of him.
Also, my fear with getting another kitten one day when I feel I'm ready is that I still won't get that love back. I know there will never be another Max but I could go through dozens of kittens and never find another one that fits me so well, that loves me like I know that Max did. I suppose I'd be scared of having another emotionally detatched cat in the house and never being able to fill that void again. What did I do differently with him that I never did with my other two - how was he so much a part of me? : (
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Old 04-07-2011, 03:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You'll probably never get another cat that's just like Max, true. But the next cat you get, you'll love just as much for his or her own idiosyncracies, cuteness, silly habits, the fact that she follows you around the house, etc.

When I had my precious Rookie PTS in 2008 due to epilepsy, I was absolutely devastated and honestly, looking back, it was traumatic. The house seemed so empty without her. It was only 4 days later when I started looking at the SPCA listings again, and it was 3 weeks later when we brought home the silly, fun, crazy little Murphy, an affectionate orange boy who was thrilled to be out of that cage and made our house his personal jungle gym. They're completely different, those two, but you love and appreciate both of them for who they are.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here knows how devastating it is. Please believe me when I say that eventually, with time, you'll adjust to it. It's amazing that we humans put ourselves through this over and over, but what's the alternative -- leave another cute, affectionate orange boy in a cage???
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Old 04-07-2011, 04:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here knows how devastating it is. Please believe me when I say that eventually, with time, you'll adjust to it. It's amazing that we humans put ourselves through this over and over, but what's the alternative -- leave another cute, affectionate orange boy in a cage???
You are absolutely right, of course. And we will, without a doubt, have another cat. Two seems the wrong number of cats to have now, three sort of rounds it off. These two here are so much more sedate than he was - its so quiet without him. My husband says we will have another cat when I'm ready - he would be more than happy to go out today and take home the first cat he found lol
Thanks October
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Old 04-07-2011, 08:08 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I know how you feel. if you look below your thread yo will find mine and I felt the exact same way. Have another cat and STILL miss my Mena.

You have my sympathies and hugs. Feel better knowing that you WILL see him again when you will meet him at the bridge.
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