Goodbye, My Girl :-(

[cooncatbob]

I don't know your situation, but I haven't been fortunate enough to have a wife and family so my cats are my family, they don't grow up and leave home like human children do.
Our beloved pets remain child like their entire life, they depend on us and love us even if we're unworthy of that love and devotion.
I think that's why we love them so much, they remain like small furry children.
I know you loved Ellie just like I loved Samantha, it's almost frightening how such a small furry soul can leave such an enormous void when they leave our life.
Only our fellow animal lovers really understand our loss.
I think the poem "You have chosen Tears" Says it best, it hurts so bad but I would do it all over again.

[Smokey596]

Originally Posted by cooncatbob

I don't know your situation, but I haven't been fortunate enough to have a wife and family so my cats are my family, they don't grow up and leave home like human children do.
Our beloved pets remain child like their entire life, they depend on us and love us even if we're unworthy of that love and devotion.
I think that's why we love them so much, they remain like small furry children.
I know you loved Ellie just like I loved Samantha, it's almost frightening how such a small furry soul can leave such an enormous void when they leave our life.
Only our fellow animal lovers really understand our loss.
I think the poem "You have chosen Tears" Says it best, it hurts so bad but I would do it all over again.

I too have no spouse or kids. My cats are my children, my spouse, my friends, my life. I spend more time with them than with any human in my life. And they listen when you talk instead of trying to give you advice. And they love you just for being you. Unconditional.

I had a friend recently come across a cat that needed a home, and she really wanted to keep it but her husband said no. He said he didn't want to bear the pain of saying goodbye someday. But I said that what you get for the cost of that pain is so worth it. Why give up the years of pure joy and happiness with them just to spare yourself the pain of the goodbye. It is so worth it, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

[cooncatbob]

Originally Posted by Smokey596

I too have no spouse or kids. My cats are my children, my spouse, my friends, my life. I spend more time with them than with any human in my life. And they listen when you talk instead of trying to give you advice. And they love you just for being you. Unconditional.

I had a friend recently come across a cat that needed a home, and she really wanted to keep it but her husband said no. He said he didn't want to bear the pain of saying goodbye someday. But I said that what you get for the cost of that pain is so worth it. Why give up the years of pure joy and happiness with them just to spare yourself the pain of the goodbye. It is so worth it, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

I set up a little shrine to Samantha on my mantle, I have the urn with her cremains and my favorite picture of her.
I also got a copy of "The Kingdom of Heart" A Pet Loss Journal by Patty Luckenbach and that has helped with the grieving process.
I would love to have a house full of kitties, but Little Chiquita wouldn't accept it and she's bloomed as Alpha Kitty and has been a great comfort to me even though she didn't get along with Samantha and doesn't seem to miss her.

[Smokey596]

That is a lovely memorial you have to Samantha. I have my Rex's cremains in a little tin along with a photo and his collar and tag. I put the collar and tag on the Christmas tree every year.

I didn't have Ellie cremated. Things just went so differently this time. I wasn't really sure what was going to happen with her, and I was so tired of trying to make her better and having her still suffer. I just wanted to have it over with so that I could deal with it and not have the uncertainty hanging over me anymore.

They told me they would take care of everything for me and bury her there on the farm at the vet's. But now I'm feeling like I abandoned her. It's not like having Rex's cremains mean that much to me, but I guess it feels more complete. I just hated to leave Ellie there and not come back for her.

[cooncatbob]

Beating myself up has been one of my favorite pastimes but I've looked at the fact and come to the conclusion that I was a pretty good Papa.
Samantha was never sick a day in her life, she was never hurt, injured or abused.
She never lacked for food or love the whole time we were together and hardly a day ever passed where I didn't tell her how pretty she was and how much I loved her.
That doesn't fill the void she left behind, but I know she live a good life.
One bad day doesn't cancel out 5849 good days

[KittieLover]

So sorry to hear your loss about Miss Ellie
You made the right decision, and I know you feel awful.
My thoughts are with you

[Smokey596]

Thanks again to everyone. I guess it's getting a little better...at least if I don't think about it.

Mostly now I'm feeling bad about not being there with her when it happened. When it was time for my Rex to go, I had it done at home and held him in my arms. I wish I had been there for Ellie at the end. I know I was there for her the rest of her life, but still... I feel like everything went as well as it could with Rex and that I messed up for Ellie.

But it's done. It's over now. I'll make sure to do better for Cricket and Snow Kitty when the time comes.

I cleaned up Ellie's fur that was on her favorite sitting places. I kept a small bundle of it in a box where I have one of Rex's whiskers that I found after he died. The fur smells like Ellie. I like that. The rest of it I took outside and set it free into the wind, just like Ellie's spirit is set free.

But I'm still so sad.

[Craigsnedeker]

Originally Posted by Smokey596

I drove Miss Ellie out to the vet first thing this morning and left her. The vet was going to look at her and see if there was anything we could do, but barring a miracle "oh here's the problem!" discovery I was comfortable in my decision to let her go.

Then the vet called me at about 5:00 and I was expecting to hear that there was nothing to be done but instead she said Ellie had a respiratory infection and we could try antibiotics for a few days, etc. blah blah etc.

So after having come to the decision after much heartache and soul searching, I had to make it again. I just wish she had been diagnosed with something clear cut....something to decide for me. But she wasn't.

I couldn't take the chance. I couldn't have her on a feeding tube or try to force food down her and pills down her and hope it worked. And then have to take her back out there again, this time for good.

So I let her go. And it's even worse because I feel like she was offering a bit of hope and I didn't take it. I know better...I lived with Ellie...and I know she was tired and ready to go. But it was so hard to have to turn down trying something else.

I don't have enough frownies for this post. I am inconsolable and I miss my girl so much and my heart hurts so bad.

awww, I'm sorry to hear it

[Smokey596]

Well, after letting my vet know that my decision was to let Ellie go, I mailed them a blank check to cover the final charges. Today I received a statement in the mail. They charged for the last bag of syringe food I got her and also for the final office visit, but they did not charge for the final anesthesia or the euthanasia. I thought that was very nice of them.

My vet ran the Cat Care Center just down the street from me before moving way out west of town to her farm. I know many of her clients stopped going because it was too far out of the way, but I kept going to her because she knew me and she knew my cats. That meant more to me than a more convenient clinic where I was just one of many owners and animals coming in every day.

At my vet's farm, she also runs a horse rescue farm.

Horse Angels

Horse Angels

Here is a little video about her and the horses and cats. As she says, she will never be a rich vet, but she's happy.