Goodbye, My Girl :-(

[Smokey596]

I drove Miss Ellie out to the vet first thing this morning and left her. The vet was going to look at her and see if there was anything we could do, but barring a miracle "oh here's the problem!" discovery I was comfortable in my decision to let her go.

Then the vet called me at about 5:00 and I was expecting to hear that there was nothing to be done but instead she said Ellie had a respiratory infection and we could try antibiotics for a few days, etc. blah blah etc.

So after having come to the decision after much heartache and soul searching, I had to make it again. I just wish she had been diagnosed with something clear cut....something to decide for me. But she wasn't.

I couldn't take the chance. I couldn't have her on a feeding tube or try to force food down her and pills down her and hope it worked. And then have to take her back out there again, this time for good.

So I let her go. And it's even worse because I feel like she was offering a bit of hope and I didn't take it. I know better...I lived with Ellie...and I know she was tired and ready to go. But it was so hard to have to turn down trying something else.

I don't have enough frownies for this post. I am inconsolable and I miss my girl so much and my heart hurts so bad.

[Fyreflie]

It sounds like you did the right thing for your friend--even if it was a hard decision. Sometimes love is exactly that--making the right decision, even if it hurts. But I'm sorry

[marie5890]

Like you said, you KNOW your Miss Ellie. You knew what was best for her. Vets most certainly can help, but they look at their patients with more of a clinic eye, not the heart of knowledge.

She was tired. You loved her enough to be able to say "I know, Miss Ellie, you are tired. I won't put you through more stressful medical treatments. I love you.

Don't second guess yourself.

[princessbear]

Yes, please don't second guess yourself. I just went through something similar in Feb/March/April with my beloved Princess. She was tired - she was done. She wasn't eating, we thought her kidneys were failing but test results said no. Off to the specialist at Tufts where I agreed, after much agonizing, to try a feeding tube - after 6 days, even though she was getting the nourishment she needed, she was miserable. I brought her back to the hospital and had them remove it - fully prepared to say goodbye to my beautiful "Bear" as I called her. We got home and she immediately ate on her own, and continued to eat but just wasn't herself. She stayed in the linen closet, wouldn't come to bed with me, was clearly not okay. I had to make the decision to let her go and called my vet to make the appointment. Of course, the night before she "seemed" better, offering me that same bit of hope that you felt - but was that my imagination, wishful thinking? After visiting with the vet when I saw her (and she KNEW almost as well as I did), she confirmed that Princess was not going to get any better and I let her go. It was the hardest thing I ever did - and initially I felt guilty, and second guessed myself - but I know that letting her go before she started to truly suffer was the best thing I ever did for her. Not an easy decision, but trust and know that she is at peace.

I hope you can find peace as well.

[cooncatbob]

She was a lovely girl, now she's playing with my Samantha at the rainbow bridge waiting for us.

[Smokey596]

Thank you all. No one understands as much as other kitty lovers.

I had that moment of "maybe she's getting better" too yesterday. It's so hard when you want so badly for them to stay with you.

She was so sweet and soft and would sleep on my pillow above my head every night. But not tonight.

[TheCatsWhiskers]

Is your avatar picture of Miss Ellie?? She sure is one pretty kitty!

I feel your pain as I too had to let my cat of 18 years (Percival) go earlier this year.

No one knows your pet like you do and sadly only you really know when their quality of life has gone and its time to let them go. If you had have tried the antibiotics I believe it would have just been in vain, making poor Miss Ellie even more stressed and uncomfortable.

Please don't question yourself, you made the right (and unselfish) decision for Miss Ellie.

[October]

I'd be willing to bet that most of us who have made that agonizing decision have had elements of what you went through -- the second guessing, having her seem better enough that you weren't sure, not knowing what to do, etc. It's agonizing. I went through a similar thing with Rookie, my first cat. She hadn't completed her first 2 weeks on phenobarbital, which they say it takes to kick in, but was still having seizures that were absolutely gut-wrenching to watch. Like your kitty, she wasn't herself.

I wish there was a better answer, but I hope you find peace about this as I have. You saved her a lot of suffering.

[konstargirl]

So sorry to hear.

[cooncatbob]

I feel for anyone who has to make the decision, but my own loss is so recent and still so raw that every time I read this section of the forum it brings it all back up.
You're suppose to feel terrible, you just made the decision to say good-bye to a very dear friend, that's never easy.
But you put their welfare and feeling ahead of your own, that's what love is all about.
They love us unconditionally and we try to do what best for them in spite of how much it hurts us.