Not happy, and angry ...

[DTP101]

Hello, I’m writing this to get some things off my chest, and if any readers can offer a few consoling words or advice that might help. A few days ago my cat had to be put to sleep. She was 19 years old. We got her as a kitten, she and her brother were feral kittens who would have probably ended up poisoned if they were not captured. That was probably the fate of the mother and her other kittens that were not caught. Her brother was fussed over a lot more than her, because he was missing a back leg. Most likely it was bitten off by rats. He also had a dislocated shoulder which had healed by itself, but there was an obvious crookedness. He is 19 years old, and still with us. The female cat ended up as an almost exclusively indoor cat, while her brother roamed indoors and outdoors. They would hiss at each other in the event they encountered one another, which was not that often. The female lived in the back part of the house, while the brother lived in the front. I guess they grew apart, because as kittens they grew up together. Being feral, they would not make friends with strangers, or even let anyone that they did not know get close enough to pat them. This apparent ‘loyalty’ to us was another thing that made them seem special.

Anyway, about a year ago the female’s health started to decline. She had constant diarrhea for several weeks, and even though we tried various different diets, including hills diet, it would not go away. Eventually, we put her on a wet food only diet, which did the trick almost immediately. So perhaps she had developed an allergy to something in the dry food. She was probably losing a lot of weight at this time, although I didn’t notice it. She also gained a much increased appetite. At first we thought it might be hyperthyroidism. The tests were negative, but we gave her pills (neomercazole), which in the end probably didn’t do much good, although there didn’t seem to be any side effects. A couple of times I attempted to wean her off the pills, but she would get more diarrhea, or something would happen to make me think that maybe they were doing some good. Perhaps she did have hyperthyroidism, but it had not showed up in the tests? She continued to get very skinny, and I think I become a little obsessed with trying to get her weight back up to acceptable levels. I gave her all the food she wanted, I fed her raw and cooked fish (snapper and gurnard), chicken, and lactose free milk. If I’d been smart, I should have realized all this eating was not going to be good for her kidneys, which the tests had shown had impaired function (the same as her brother). But she was getting so skinny I lost focus, and in the end it was kidney failure that took her. She was eating and drinking up to the end, even though she was skin and bones. But her kidneys packed up. In the last days she took to walking around the house searching for water sources, attempting to enter the shower, and even going outside, which she would never usually do.

I keep going over in my mind how I could have done things better. I should have asked more questions, done more research, posted in a forum like this to see if anyone had some advice. I feel angry with myself for not doing better for her. We are still are not sure exactly what the problem with her was. Probably it was an irritable bowel/lymphoma related condition, and not hyperthyroidism at all. I’ve gone on a bit in this post, so will stop now. Thanks.

[lyle]

many of the people here have made decisions that they perhaps wished they could take back, I know that I have.
In your soul searching consider whether or not you (as best you knew how) acted with compassion in your decisions.
It's tempting to quit it all because of the pain and responsibility, but instead, try to use it to increase your compassion and engagement.
Maybe that's of little consolation, but there's little absolution to be had I fear. Sharing the pain helps some, especially with this group.
Peace.

[cooncatbob]

Just the fact that your cat lived to be 19 shows you were a good pet owner.
It's a terrible responsibility to have to make the extremely painful decision to end a beloved pets life and since the decision in final we often 2nd guess and beat ourselves up.
Not a day goes by where I don't miss my Samantha and beat myself up for not getting her medical attention sooner, she was 16 but seemed fine until that day I discovered her on the floor in distress.
I rushed her to the vet and scans reveled a belly full of cancer.
I couldn't put her through the surgery for maybe a little more time racked with pain and discomfort.
She'd never before been sick a day in her life.
We see our pets as our children and a parent isn't suppose to out live their child.
But with our pets we do out live them, we lose many beloved pets over the course off our much longer lives.
We love them and care for them the best we can, we can not prevent them from getting ill and we can not prevent their deaths.
We mourn their passing and cherish the memories of the love we shared and then we carry on the legacy of love by sharing our hearts and our homes with other animal that needs us.

[Kobster]

I don't think you've done anything 'wrong' at all. She lived 19 years and that is incredible alone. When elderly cats start to decline, they tend to go downhill quickly, and will often lose function in more than one body system at one time. I think feeding her whatever she would eat in her last days was not a poor choice. Sometimes its about quality over quantity of life. You did your very best for this kitty. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[DTP101]

here's a pic, taken 2 years ago

[cooncatbob]

She was a very pretty girl.
I was devastated and wracked with guilt and search the internet for solace.
I discovered this site and a pt loss forum.
In Memory Of Pets
I also got a copy of "Kingdom of Heart" A pet Loss Journal and it helped me a great deal.
It has a place where you write a letter to your pet and it also has a place where you write a letter to yourself as your pet.
I found that my other cat was a great comfort to me, if I hadn't had her I would have gotten another cat.
I can't bear to live without one of these wonderful creatures sharing my heart and my home.

[Charley Sullivan]

I keep trying to understand why my cat Slugger died. It seemed to happen so quickly. I try to reconcile it my mind but it is impossible. We did not have a clue that he could be so sick and I thought for sure with treatment he would recover quickly. We did everything we could short of subjecting him to more and more tests and putting him in the hospital for "supportive" treatment. As another poster said you must have been a good cat owner for your cat to live so long.

I just hold on to the faith that I will see him again one day and that he was a happy cat and had a happy life.

[Paige Gwenn]

She was beautiful! And whats more important is that you made her as comfortable and loved as you could! I bet she was tickled pink with all the attention and treats! What a way to live for an amazing 19 years! I bet shes smiling down on you now from kitty heaven! I wish all people were as loyal to their pets!

[chuck72]

I'm sorry for your loss, she was beautiful.

[koneko_otaku]

You have my sympathy. It is a very hard decision to put any pet down for any reason. I was quite upset when I had to put Marshmellow down some months ago but he had health problem and it would have been too costly for me to keep him longer. I've also had to put my dog down for the same reason many years ago. And a few of my cats just dropped dead in just a few hours without any advance warning.

One of my older cat Boots was rather old and yet she was lively and catching mice regularly. Until about a month before her 20th birthday, she just quit living and ended up taking a nap in a puddle.