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Old 01-17-2013, 10:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default This is long, but I need to share our story.

April 2011, both of my aunts cats had kittens. All together, 7 kittens. Two kind of fluffy, but shorthaired orange kittens, one very small orange kitten with extremely short hair, two black kittens, one grey/white/black tiger, and one all black with orange on her nose and paws. I knew I was going to take Salim home, and went to visit him a few times weekly. When I was sitting with them, I always noticed that this little, almost alien looking kitten always came over to me. He would climb onto my lap, before he could even walk. I slept in a room with all these kittens when I moved in with my aunt. All the kittens slept on the cat bed in their box with the mothers, but not this orange kitten. He slept by my head, at only about 5 weeks old. He was the runt, he has the biggest ears and eyes i had ever seen on on such a tiny kitten. His hair was so short, he wasn't fluffy at all. I had never seen a kitten who looked like this, and I thought it was just the most adorable thing. I decided that i couldn't not keep him. I named him Felix.
When I moved out of my aunts house, to my other aunts house, i took both Felix, and my other cat, Salim.
Salim was always a great cat, but not so social. Him and Felix were so close though. They were together most of the time.
It was summer, and the door opened and shut a lot, windows were kept open (i lived with three little boys) aud it was almost impossible to keep them as indoor cats. So i'd go out and watch them. Once they reached about 5 months, they started going out alone. They always came when I called them.
Felix slept by my head every night. He stole my pillow. Salim would sleep on the bed, somewhere, but not near me. I knew he loved and trusted me, but he liked his space. Salim started spending most of his time outside, and Felix was in a lot. Felix and I grew so close. He taught himself to jump into my arms when I said "come here". He liked to sit on my shoulder. Even when I slept downstairs on the couch, they were both right there.

One time, i was really upset. I was crying. I went, layer down on the bed next to where Felix was napping, and told him about it. I could talk so long to him, i just felt he really felt the emotion, understood. This time, though, i said "sometimes it just feels like i'm nothing." and he reached out his paw and placed it on my hand.

Every time i was upset, if he was inside, Salim would come over and push his head against my face. I'd pat him and talk to him, and always ended up smiling again.

I remember one time, I went over to both of them while they were eating. I said "You know you two are two of the three friends i have?" i don't know why, but this memory stuck with me.

Last Easter, i got a call. I had two hours to pack and leave. I was moving two hours away. I could visit back, but could not bring my cats. An hour of this time was spent holding Salim crying. I promised him i would be back. My aunt agreed to watch them.
I didn't get to say goodbye to Felix, he was outside. I called him, but he must have been busy doing some cat things. He was always a bit stubborn. I went back to visit. Salim was missing.

I called everyone. Looked everywhere. Put papers up. Posted ads online. Asked on a Facebook post. He was nowhere to be found. I never saw him again.

When i moved back 4 months later (Felix and i stayed as close as we were-i visited every couple weeks) everything with me and Felix was the same. I missed Salim, and i believe .he did too.
One day, he went out. I called him. Nothing. The next day, still nothing. Days went by. weeks. He was gone, too. I did everything to find him. He was just not around.

Eight months later, and it still hurts. I wish things could have happened differently. I wouldnt have been able to keep them inside, their dad being a stray and mom an outdoor cat. It was in their nature. They went out for only a few hours a day. Inside all night.
I want to believe i gave them a good life. I was in a bad spot myself, though. I always promised them one day, i'd be happier. When i finally find a place of my own, get away from the family. Now, i'm done moving. I have an apartment, and well, i'm not done moving, but i only have one more planned move before i'm in one spot for a while. This last move, is moving to my freedom, away from the negativity. Out of this state.

I'm looking to adopt another kitten around March. Now that my life is less hectic, and i think i'm ready. I will never, ever let him outside. I'm talking to breeders.

This has been hard for me. I miss them so much. I hate not knowing what happened.

I plan to get a tattoo for them.

I just needed to share this where someone could understand.
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Thanks for sharing your story. It is a fact that outdoor cats don't live as long as indoor cats. It's just nature and nature can be cruel. You have wonderful memories of Felix and he was lucky to have you so you can take some comfort in that I hope. This is painful, and it may hurt on and off for the rest of your life, but try and focus on the good memories, and try to build new great memories by saving another life. I still cry over my cats that died over a decade ago. Get a glass or two of wine in me and I'm a weeping machine. You did a good thing by loving this little fellow and circumstances beyond your control took over. You are not to blame so don't blame yourself too much.
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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You are obviously a caring person.

My cats have been indoor / outdoor and the last one who died (I hope for a long time) was over 20 - trying to work it out more accurately I think she was about 24.

I hope you find your own happier place.
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Old 01-17-2013, 11:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for your experience but like the others have said don't blame yourself so much for the things that were beyond your control. Now you know to keep your new kitten indoors and let your wonderful memories of Felix & Salim comfort you. Let us know about your new addition when you get the chance. Wishing you much happiness.
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