Zoe, My Heart - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
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Zoe, My Heart

I had to say goodbye to my little Zoe Bowie today. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I don't ever want to do it again, but I know I will.

Zoe got sick in March. We'd been treating her for an URI that never got better, only worse. Finally a couple of weeks ago she was diagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma. She was given weeks, at best, left to her. It was super aggressive. She had stopped eating on Saturday night and had started to show visual signs of pain. I knew I had to let her go, even though it was breaking my heart.

Zoe was my shadow. Anywhere I was, Zoe was. She slept with me, she sat on my lap when I was on the computer, she meditated with me, she sat on the edge of the bathtub and dangled her tail in the water when I was taking baths...any time I was home I just had to look around and I would find her.

I miss her so much already, and it's only been a few hours. I almost can't bear to be in the house because I know it's missing her. I knew it would be hard for me, but I never thought it would be this hard.

This morning when she was on my lap, I took a little snip of her fur for a keepsake. I wanted to do this while she was alive so it had that energy on it. Now just looking at it makes me burst into tears. I'll never get to pet my super soft kitty ever again. I'll never get to hear her purr and look up at me with the most love filled eyes ever again. I'll never get to see her lounging in the sun ever again. She was only 11, and I honestly never expected her to be taken from me so soon.

I will miss her forever.

Last edited by marie73; 09-07-2016 at 03:29 PM. Reason: removed oversized pictures
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-22-2016, 06:50 PM
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What a beautiful kitty! I am so sorry her life had to end so soon, they don't live nearly long enough. Yes, the emotional pain of loss is excruciating and it goes on and on... and then dissipates only to come back unexpectedly. I do not even know how many times I've been down to the Rainbow Bridge, but it's way too often.

Much sympathy. You did what you had to do, you saved her from continuing, worsening pain, you gave her an exit. A great kindness.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-23-2016, 05:17 PM
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I'm so sorry. That's heartbreaking I know. Thinking of you and Zoe.

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-23-2016, 07:53 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you, all. I am struggling so much with the decision to have her put down when I did. She was still very aware of everything and seeking me out of for comfort. I feel like I could have had more time with her and it's breaking my heart. I just miss her so much.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 07:40 AM
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Missing is what we do. No way around that. She was in pain, you could see it, you could NOT fix it. You made a deliberate sensible caring choice. Another few days of pain would have done nothing for you or for her. (I have been down this road, not trying to be harsh.)
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 10:17 AM
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SCC is not good. I definitely wouldn't second guess the decision. That particular affliction can become so bad and painful so fast, you did her a respectful and honorable service by freeing her.

I am sorry for your loss and wish you a peaceful grief.

Jeff with the girls, Penny & Nala
RIP Simon, my friend
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 01:16 PM
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Awww, such a sweet loving kitty was Zoe. Those "heart" kitties, as Zoe was, are truly heart breaking and difficult to get over their death. You did the right thing by not letting her suffer any longer. Don't second-guess yourself, believe me a little sooner is better than later. My last "heart" kitty, Alkee a week or so after her death came back to visit me in spirit. Don't be surprised if you have a similar experience....just their way of saying "Don't grieve, I'm OK". A Manx heart kitty I had many years ago came back for two visits in spirit. But I've had a many more over the many years I'ved owned cats that haven't. I truly believe that these special heart kitties will be with us in the spiritual kingdom. This has given me consolation and certainly helped my grieving process. May you also be so blessed.

"There are no ordinary cats.";"Time spent with a cat is never wasted."~ Colette
"A loving cat can mend a wounded heart." ~ Unknown Author
Alkitotle aka "Alkee", "Lambie" (July 2/04 - Oct. 2/15) -- white Devon Rex
in avatar. "Always in my heart."
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 02:27 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. I did find it better to keep busy outside of the house the last time my fur friend passed.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 03:18 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone. Your words bring me comfort and the knowledge that I am not alone in this ocean of grief.

I was so afraid that when I took her in she would be afraid. And she was. I had wanted to avoid that so very much but in my heart I knew if I would have waited until she would no longer be afraid it would be because I'd waited too long and caused her to suffer. As it was I could no longer smooch her face because the tumor caused her pain. And there were many moments in the day where she would be staring off into space with pained body language. So even though she was still alert and moving around OK, I know that she was doing it for me and that inside she was tired.

I did tell her on the day of that I would know her by the butterflies. And that day when I was pulling onto the drive to leave the vet a tiny little orange and brown butterfly landed right on my windshield, stayed for a bit, then fluttered away. I know it was her.

Nights are so hard because she was always with me. I loved having her with me and would often fall asleep with her cuddled to my heart. The grief feels exponential because I chose to take her out of this world - she didn't go on her own.

I just can't wait for this pain to lesson and my heart to heal.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 04:04 PM
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Many, many (((HUGS))) I've been through the Goodbyes...and it always hurts our hearts...
You gave Zoe the most important gift of Love you could, by letting her Fly away from the pain here.
She'll have a bunch of new friends at the Bridge, and a Special Ray of Sunshine, to call her own.
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"A Cat must have three different names:
An everyday family name; A particular name;
And the name but the Cat Himself Knows, and will never confess." T.S. Eliot
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