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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 01:24 AM Thread Starter
 
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Facing a hard decision......

As many of you know, I was planning on bringing 2 new kittens into my family, another Ragdoll from the breeder I got Harley from as well as a little black kitten with deformed rear legs I'd name Sheba. Well Sheba turned ill, she had alot more problems then we'd originally anticipated and as she grew she only got worse. I tried everything to save her, and must admit I probably went to far as I wasn't ready so soon after loosing Gracie to face death again. Sadly not even that was enough, and I lost Sheba today just a few short weeks after she entered this world. Lost in all the trips to the vet and vet bills went my 3rd Ragdoll, I decided it was more important to spend my money on little Sheba instead of purchasing another purebred. Sadly now I'm right back were I was when Gracie died - Broken hearted, and facing a very lonely Harley. He's whole attitude is changing, he's not as cuddly as he once was, and he's picking up back habits he's never had before. I'm really concerned about him and his well being, but loosing Gracie and now Sheba, my heart is no longer ready to accept another cat, my heart is broken and it's going to take time to heal. Sadly this is forcing me to face the fact that maybe Harley would be happier if I could find him a home with someone who did have another younger cat. He really needs the companionship of another cat that'll run and play with him, Sophie's to old and crabby to want to play with him, and I feel awful that he's obviously not happy without a friend. What should I do? Any advice? I really don't want to give up Harley, but I do want him to be happy!!!! Nothing I've tried has worked, having Sheba here for the last little bit as I nursed her trying to save her life help a tiny bit, but where she wasn't able to run and play it wasn't the answer, and I just feel like I've got to do something for poor Harley!!!!!!
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 01:36 AM
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If I understand your post, you can't get the Ragdoll because you spent that money on Sheba (bless your heart). Instead of giving up Harley, get another kitty, just not a purebred, or better yet, try to find a purebed, but don't get it from a breeder. Cinderella is a purebred, with papers, and she was free on Craigslist. How long have you had Harley? Wouldn't giving him up break your heart even more?

Thank goodness Sheba had someone loving her until the end, because I don't think anyone else would have cared as much about her, with all her problems, if you hadn't.

I don't know your situation, so I'm just throwing these suggestions out. I know you miss Gracie and you must love Harley very, very much to even consider giving him up because you think he'd be happier. That's the definition of love, I think.

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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 01:54 AM Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Marie! Sophie is a purebred with papers as well, she came off of Freecycle, someone was threatening to take her out and shoot her because she was tempermental (which she is LOL). Before Harley, I got ALL of my cats either from a shelter, someone abandoning them on my doorstep, or from someone who was no longer taking care of them properly. Sophie was my first purebred, and I fell in love with Ragdolls after her, which is why I got Harley. I love the breed!!!

Right now it's not so much a matter of having or not having money, I didn't get the Ragdoll kitten because I wanted to free up my finances for Sheba, I put nearly $5,000 into her so I'm glad I made that choice, it would have been hard to do that and pay for the other kitten, but now my decision really doesn't have to do with money, people are giving away kittens everywhere, and there's tons of cats in rescue that need homes. The problem is my heart is broken to bits, I just don't see myself giving my heart to another cat right now. I'm just not ready for that step, I want to be able to be fair to the cat and give it all my love when it enters my house, and emotionally I just can't do that right now. I've already looked at Petfinder, I already know there's other Ragdolls available that need homes.....but my heart just isn't in it

As I said, I don't want to give up Harley, I do love him very very much, and either way I look at it it's going to be hard, I just don't feel it'd be fair to another cat to bring it into my home when I know my heart's not ready to accept it. I talked to Harley's breeder and he's more then happy to take Harley back if I decide to do that but I just can't make myself load up Harley and drive him back either.....It would break my heart more to see Harley go, as naughty as he's been lately he's still my little boy and I love him very much, but I just want to see him truely happy again, and he just hasn't been since we lost Gracie!!!! I'm trying to find another way, I've bought different toys, towers, tunnels, anything I find that I think Harley would like, but nothing can replace another cat to play with
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 01:59 AM
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Sorry I misunderstood about the cost of the other cat. You and your husband are so special to have taken such good care of Sheba.

I saw this quote earlier today at work, and I think it's lovely.

"Another cat? Perhaps. For love there is also a season; its seeds must be resown. But a family cat is not replaceable like a wornout coat or a set of tires. Each new kitten becomes its own cat, and none is repeated. I am four cats old, measuring out my life in friends that have succeeded but not replaced one another." - Irving Townsend

You'll know in your heart what to do. I wish you the very best.

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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 03:37 AM Thread Starter
 
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Actually it's just me, me and my furkids (5 Italian Greyhounds, 2 ferrets, and my 2 cats). Thank you for posting that quote, I definatly agree with it. I've always had cats since the day I was born, there was only one time when I didn't have a cat, and that was only for a couple months. And for as long as I live I probably will have a cat. I think I'm going to call Harley's breeder in the morning and see if he'll take Harley for a week or two and let him have a chance to play with some other cats while I have some time to get over loosing Sheba and get my head back on straight. Ragdolls are fairly rare in this area still, there's a couple on Petfinder but they're both entering their senior years, and where if I do get another cat my reason for doing so would be to have a companion for Harley, I don't think an older cat is appropriate. But I'm also not set on a purebred, I love Ragdolls, and hope to always have one, but I'm also not against the idea of getting another mix bred cat. I guess when the time is right the cat will find me, that's how it happened with Sheba and Gracie both.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 09:11 AM
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I'm so sorry you lost Sheba, you're an angel for trying so hard with a little one that had such a rough start. I'm so happy you gave her some love for the short time she had.

As for Harley...I don't think giving him up or sending him away for a couple weeks is a good idea. He lost his buddy and he's grieving...to now lose his mama and be moved to a strange place would be a huge blow.

Give it a few weeks, your pain is so fresh....now is not the time a major decision like this.


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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 10:04 AM
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Thank you for caring for Sheba so deeply and completely, only a few rare people would have done so.

Do you think that Harley's recent bad behaviors are as a result of grief? He not only lost his dear friend but you recently lost Sheba, as well. Even if he hadn't seemed to bond with Sheba he still knows she was there, and now she's gone. There is no time limit on the grieving process, every being does it in their own time. Some take longer than others.

To me, it sounds like Harley acually needs you more now than ever. He may not be interested in play, or even snuggles, but he needs your love, understanding and just you- being there for him.

Please don't change anything right now. Give it a month, or so. By then I think your answer will be clear.

(((((((HUGS)))))))))))) to you.


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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 10:10 AM
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I'm sorry you lost Sheba, she was very lucky to have you fighting in her corner for her.

I would advise you to get another cat. Right now. NOT for you, but for Harley. The love will come later, especially as you see Harley enjoying the new kitten in the household. The love will grow from that.

Husband and I lost the first cat of our marriage just weeks after we took in three abandoned kittens. After Inky died, it hurt to look at the trio. I would have gladly traded all three of their lives to have Inky back. BUT THEN...the kittens grew, and played and interacted with us and we grew to love them for themselves and the playful joy they brought to our home.
We have lost the two brothers (internal growths) a few years ago, but still have the sister, who is 13.



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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 10:42 AM
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I just read something that animals read our body language and pick up cues from us. While I am not suggesting you stuff your feelings, do you think it would help both you and Harley to focus on feeling peace (not happiness) . . .you know, a lot of mood work? I wonder if YOU would feel better and more relaxed that he would follow suit. In other words, it may that he is reacting to your stress vs. needing another cat.

Hugs to you!
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-23-2007, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your advice, deep down I know you're right and this is just going to take some time. It's very possible that Harley is responding to grief, but I also know he's very lonely, he still goes around the house searching for Gracie, it's really heart breaking to watch him!!!! I may also take the advice to bring in another cat and let love come later, I went to the shelter today just to look but my heart just wasn't in it. My friend that gave me Sheba still has 3 kittens that need homes, maybe I'll "foster" one of them for now and see how it goes.
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