How do I know if she loves me? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-16-2008, 09:18 PM Thread Starter
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How do I know if she loves me?

I love my little cat to death, she's my little baby and I could not imagine I would love a little furry creature as much as I love her.

Lately I've been wondering, does she have any idea I love her? Other than the fact that I give her food and attention, does she appreciate me?

She can be a sweetheart sometimes, but like any cat, she gets annoyed every once in a while and bites me. She bites me more than any other person in her life. Is it because I sepnd more time with her than annyone else, or because I really anoy her sometimes.

What are some of the signs that cats give when they love a person? I want to know that this is not only a one-sided affection. HOw do you know if your cat loves you?
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post #2 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-16-2008, 09:36 PM
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She bites you more than any other person? Ummmmmm......would these be what we call "love-bites" that she's giving you? Question answered.

PS - you should discourage your cat from biting you even if they're love bites and you need the reassurance. Search the forum on the keyword "biting" and I'm sure you'll find a lot of threads about the subject.

PPS - and what if it was one-sided? Do you have a cat because of what the cat can give you? Or because of what you can give the cat? Or maybe some of both? And if it wasn't an even exchange, would that make a difference?

PPPS - and don't you wish I'd stop asking all these annoying questions?
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post #3 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-16-2008, 10:20 PM
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Re: How do I know if she loves me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by aquino46
She bites me more than any other person in her life.
You always hurt the one you love the most!

Seriously, signs of kitty affection include rubbing up against you to mark you and claim you as hers. Head butts, purring, seeking petting. Greeting you with tail straight in the air. Presenting her butt to you to sniff is a great honor. Sleeping with you. Responding to her name, even if it's just looking at you and not actually coming when called. Occasionally listening to you when you tell her to do (or not) something. If she goes outside, bringing you disgusting presents. Grooming you. And more....

Not all cats do all these things, but some combination of these things are pretty good indicators that they kinda like you


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post #4 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-16-2008, 10:47 PM Thread Starter
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That's the thing, she sends mixmessages. One of the saddest things for me is that she doesn't sleep with me at night. Before I go to sleep, she usually stays next to my bed and watches me as I watch TV. But when I wake up in the morning or the middle of the night, she's never there. Whenever I take a nap during the day though, she usually would cuddle with me.

She doest go out, but once she brought me a torn and broken hairband she had destruyed and placed it next to my bed.. I don't know if it means anything, or am I just trying to read into things.
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post #5 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-17-2008, 12:41 AM
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These are only "mixed messages" if you're a human. Don't worry, your cat loves you just fine, and also knows and appreciates your affection. You might benefit from learning more about how cats think and how they communicate. Doodlebug gave you a short list. If she told you everything she knows, she'd have to write a book. Maybe she has. Doodle, have you published anything?

Seriously, though, learning more about your cat, how she thinks, and how she communicates, will be very rewarding for you both. Then you wouldn't think things like "one of the saddest things for me is that she doesn't sleep with me at night." Because you are reading in things that aren't there, things you're reading in because you're thinking in terms of human thoughts and actions.
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post #6 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-17-2008, 09:44 AM
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What Tim said...cats almost never give mixed messages to each other. It's only humans that seem to get the message muddled. IMO, a cat's world extends about as far as the tips of its whiskers, and their motto is "and this affects me how?" They're not really conscious of the human need for validation and affirmation, and even if they were, they probably wouldn't care too much. "Not my problem" is also a big cat motto.

Maybe your cat is a "night prowler" who tends to sleep more in the daytime and spends the night poking around and looking out the window. I think it's nice that she sits and watches you until you go to sleep...think of it as her "tucking you in" (in human terms). Once she knows where you are, and that you're staying there, she feels free to go off and do her thing. What is important is that you recognize your cat's "usual" behavior, and will notice and investigate if she suddenly starts deviating from that.

How do I know my cat "loves" me? I don't really think in those terms...I know that Assumpta is very bonded to me in a certain way, but I try not to impose human language and definitions on her. She is what she is...sometimes she treats me like a kitten, sometimes she treats me like her momcat, sometimes she treats me as a mere companion cat, and sometimes she treats me like an adversary cat. I think we fill a lot of roles for our cats, and if we try to relate to them on more catlike terms, it opens up a huge world of interesting dynamics. But first we have to let go of our "species-centric" thinking (yes, I just made that up, for lack of a better phrase). Cats just have no real use for words.
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post #7 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-17-2008, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aquino46
That's the thing, she sends mixmessages. One of the saddest things for me is that she doesn't sleep with me at night.
Most cats are nocturnal in nature, meaning that their primary time for activity (in the wild it would be hunting) is at night. As stated above, she isn't sending you mixed messages, she is being a cat. They confuse us, perhaps, but they aren't sending mixed messages.

Quote:
Originally Posted by aquino46
Before I go to sleep, she usually stays next to my bed and watches me as I watch TV. But when I wake up in the morning or the middle of the night, she's never there.
I once had a very snooty cat. She would walk near you, twisting her body and looking adorably pettable, but one little pet was all she would take and then ZOOM she was off. She never ever slept with me, but every night, a few moments after I laid down in bed, she would jump up, walk near my head, sniff my eyes, and then be gone again. I always thought it was her tucking me in (when she stopped doing this, we knew she wasn't long for this world...and we were right, a few months later her kidneys gave out)

Quote:
Originally Posted by aquino46
She doest go out, but once she brought me a torn and broken hairband she had destruyed and placed it next to my bed.. I don't know if it means anything, or am I just trying to read into things.
A gift of any kind that she brings you is just that, a gift. She has no idea what humans value, but perhaps she thought it looked like a nice toy, and thought you might want it.

Everything your cat does to or for you is an attempt to communicate. It's up to you to figure out what it means. When she bites you, she could be attempting to groom you, as cats do with other cats, so that means she likes you. She could also be overstimulated from the petting, and its her way of saying "hey, enough already! gimme a break!"
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post #8 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-17-2008, 10:56 AM
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Here's a good sleeping example....Maggie always sleeps with me. Sometimes on top of my legs, sometime cuddled right up next to me, and sometime all the way at the foot of the bed a couple feet away from me.

Now I could interpret it as she's mad at me when she sleeps far away and she's really loving me when she's right on top of me. But the reality is that it's about warmth. If I follow the patterns, she's on top of me when it's really cold and she down at the foot of the bed underneath the ceiling fan when it's warm and various places in between depending on the temp.

So, why do I say that sleeping with me is an indicator of "love"? Because she's there every night, no matter where in the bed it is. And sleeping on top of me is an indicator of extreme trust.

Now Kobi, rarely comes up on the bed at night. He has other ways of showing his bond to me. When I sit on the couch he wants to be in my lap. Something Maggie never does.

So each cat is different in the way they express themselves. You need to understand the messages your cat is putting out and what they mean. A good book for you to read would be "Think Like a Cat" by Pam Johnson Bennett. I found it in Borders or any of the online book sources will have it.


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post #9 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-21-2008, 12:02 AM
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I love this thread. Just thought I would say so. My cats are constantly waving their butts in my face, so I must be much beloved by them all!

Rachael with Thurston, Sully and Ninja.
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post #10 of 59 (permalink) Old 05-21-2008, 12:33 AM
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Re: How do I know if she loves me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodlebug
Quote:
Originally Posted by aquino46
She bites me more than any other person in her life.
You always hurt the one you love the most!

Seriously, signs of kitty affection include rubbing up against you to mark you and claim you as hers. Head butts, purring, seeking petting. Greeting you with tail straight in the air. Presenting her butt to you to sniff is a great honor. Sleeping with you. Responding to her name, even if it's just looking at you and not actually coming when called. Occasionally listening to you when you tell her to do (or not) something. If she goes outside, bringing you disgusting presents. Grooming you. And more....

Not all cats do all these things, but some combination of these things are pretty good indicators that they kinda like you
this is so interesting!! Does responding to noises count? (i dont really call their names, but they have their noises that i use, and they usually do look and/or come over). their tails are always in the air too!! (unless sleeping of course! lol)

ive been wondering lately do they love us, or how can we tell them in a way theyd understand that we love them. i mean, i kiss them all the time (on their head in between the ears lol), and pet them, but ive wondered if they know what it means. i certainly hope so!

simba has something he does... i call it 'shower lovins'. everytime after i have a shower, the minute the water stops, he meows to come in. once hes in, he nuzzles and just wants some petting/loving. my mom loves coming in to the bathroom after and seeing all the cat hair in the toilet lol. she doesnt like me leaving it on the floor so i put it in the toilet. lol.
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