Feeling terribly guilty ... - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Feeling terribly guilty ...

... and am not able to shake it off.

Its about Tobys eye. Thing is, its not known what caused it. It could very well be FIV+ related apparently - poor immune system meaning a little infection starting up. Or it could have been due to a eye trauma that was left unchecked which caused a chronic inflammation over time.

There was that time a year or so ago when something went into Tobys eye. Seemed OK at the time after a little while ... but ...

Also .. when at the vets I was given the option of trying to save Tobys eye. But it would have meant going to a specialist and would have cost a minimum of 2000. With no guarantees. As it turns out, his eye was shot to pieces anyway so would have had to come out. But I didn't know that at the time and passed up the opportunity to save his sight because I just didn't have a minimum of 1000 (and neither did flatmate - all vet fees are 50/50 of course).

Sigh. I guess we can only do what we can do and I'm not a vet so if it was due to that trauma .. well I wasn't to know. But even so ... .

Wish I could have got insurance for Tobe. But of course insurance companies wont touch him.
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 03:14 PM
 
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

No need to feel guilty.

Toby has his life. He has you and a home to forever call his own.

One or two eyes...that's not a terribly important aspect to him. He has all the important things in his life.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 03:48 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

I hear you, Allie. It's an absolutely untenable situation when these decisions are influenced or forced by the money involved. I was in the same position when they told us we could get tests done on Rookie's epilepsy by a neurologist, and even then there was only a 50/50 chance they'd find the cause. We elected not to. Can you even imagine putting her through those tests?

It's a given that our hearts are in the right place. Very few people have so much money floating around that they could spend unlimited amounts on their pets, especially when the tests may not do any good. I think we're just doing the best we can, and we have to be happy with that.


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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 04:08 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

You poor thing Allie, but you have no need to feel guilty. We all know kitties can be costly and it's one of the responsibilities of being a pet owner to be able to afford vet bills. However, a 50/50 chance is not good, and 2 grand is a lot of money.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 05:33 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

Keep reminding yourself that feeling guilty won't change what's happened, and then remind yourself that his eye was shot anyway. He's got everything he needs, he's happy, you've got your darling kitty back, and you totally did the right thing.

I feel guilty sometimes about putting my girls through more vet visits than they really needed because of not wanting to spend money on tests and then having to take them back when the initial test didn't show anything. But down the road, they're happy and healthy and I get kisses and that's really all that matters.

~Diana, happy mom to Fern and Fergie
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 05:58 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

Quote:
Originally Posted by melysion
There was that time a year or so ago when something went into Tobys eye. Seemed OK at the time after a little while ... but ...
Stop it. I firmly believe, that if there had been any residual problems from that long-ago incident they would have manifested and cropped up LONG before now. I'm sure this recent issue with his eye was unrelated and most likely due to his predisposition for problems/infections due to his FIV status, not from anything you did or didn't do way-back-when. So stop beating yourself up and hurting over it, you didn't do this and are not responsible, you've been a fabulous caretaker for Toby.
All cats should be so lucky as to have such a loving, caring and conscientious owner as you are. Yes, sometimes money will come into play. For myself, I won't spend large amounts of money unless the prognosis and expected recovery is good-to-excellent. I cannot spend money for half-measures or treatments that won't provide results or give the cat relief. Sometimes, I also think this is a good thing, as it prevents us from sometimes holding on longer than we should, making a cat stay with us when its' body is failing them and they just want peace.
We love them. We care for them. We do our best for them. ...and I think they know this... You've done good for Toby, at every turn.



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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 07:17 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

meh! its not your fault, and it doesnt mean toby is any more lovely and gorgeous ( i always thought him and mango were good looking babies) and he doesnt blame you!
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 08:30 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

Please don't feel guilty. We all know how much Toby means to you.
If given the same options as you, I'd do exactly what you did! There's no point spending so much money on seeing a specialist when they may not be able to do anything (which you now know they wouldn't). I've seen a few cats with just one eye that do really well, infact, they seem the same as cats with two eyes.. If it ever came down to me choosing between having one of my cats eyes taken out or spending money I didn't have on a spacialist thay may not be able to help, I'd go with the removal.

When we have pets, we have to do what's best for them but also stay within our means. Imagine if you and your flatmate took out loans to see a spacialist and then all they said was you have to remove his eye.. Things would be the same for Toby and you guys would be paying off 'wasted' money. I think you did what was best for everyone involved and you should feel good about that!

Bec

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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 08:58 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

Everybody has already said it all...

Another thing is that sometimes people put their animals through things like tests and treatments that do nothing but make the pet miserable. Sometimes it is truly better for the animal you love if you choose the simplest option.

Sue



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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 08-10-2009, 09:10 PM
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Re: Feeling terribly guilty ...

Quote:
Stop it. I firmly believe, that if there had been any residual problems from that long-ago incident they would have manifested and cropped up LONG before now. I'm sure this recent issue with his eye was unrelated and most likely due to his predisposition for problems/infections due to his FIV status, not from anything you did or didn't do way-back-when. So stop beating yourself up and hurting over it, you didn't do this and are not responsible, you've been a fabulous caretaker for Toby.
All cats should be so lucky as to have such a loving, caring and conscientious owner as you are. Yes, sometimes money will come into play. For myself, I won't spend large amounts of money unless the prognosis and expected recovery is good-to-excellent. I cannot spend money for half-measures or treatments that won't provide results or give the cat relief. Sometimes, I also think this is a good thing, as it prevents us from sometimes holding on longer than we should, making a cat stay with us when its' body is failing them and they just want peace.
We love them. We care for them. We do our best for them. ...and I think they know this... You've done good for Toby, at every turn.
Ditto!
Couldn't have said it better.

Victoria
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