I am still sad at the loss of my Blackie - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 01:35 AM Thread Starter
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I am still sad at the loss of my Blackie

Now I have a problem, Danna my female cat has been really depressed lately. I don't know if it is because she sees me cry or she is just sad because she misses Blackie as well. They were budies. They slept in the same bed, cat tree, window perch, and even shared their food. They would wrestle too. When she steps outside to eat grass she would look for Blackie. He would always sneaked around the back and surprised her. Today was the first time she came down stairs, and when she did she was looking for Blackie. I want to get another cat from a shelter, but I just don't want to overwhelm her with a new cat. I do know she needs company for when we go to work. Do you guys think I should get another cat, or should I wait? Ohhh if anyone knows a website, where I can get a cat picture frame to put a picture of my Blackie and his collar in there it will be much appreciated...Thank you!!!
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post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 01:58 AM
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I've never experienced this, so I don't know the "right" answer. But personally, I would think it would be best to wait. Just because the cat misses its old buddy doesn't mean any other cat can replace it. I think getting a new cat is usually pretty stressful for the resident cat, so it would probably be best to do it once the cat has recovered a bit from the loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you and your cat start to feel better soon. But do allow yourself and your cat the time to grieve...
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post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 11:44 AM
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i am so sad for you and danna. i worry about this same type of thing myself in the future if we only had 2 cats and one of them died.

however, i would also probably give her some more time. i do have another suggestion possibly, too, though - just for future. IF you've ever given fostering any thought...maybe this would be a good time to give it a try. this way, you can see if danna is open to the idea yet of another friend and get her used to the idea of another cat in the future. there's nothing permanent about it unless she actually does take to the new cat, and then you can adopt her or him for yourself. might be worth a try.

also, our plan personally is to eventually have at least 3 cats at home so that if/when 1 dies, then the other 2 will still have each other to console each other. we plan on always having at least 3 at all times.
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post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 12:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lineth View Post
Now I have a problem, Danna my female cat has been really depressed lately. I don't know if it is because she sees me cry or she is just sad because she misses Blackie as well. They were budies. They slept in the same bed, cat tree, window perch, and even shared their food. They would wrestle too. When she steps outside to eat grass she would look for Blackie. He would always sneaked around the back and surprised her. Today was the first time she came down stairs, and when she did she was looking for Blackie. I want to get another cat from a shelter, but I just don't want to overwhelm her with a new cat. I do know she needs company for when we go to work. Do you guys think I should get another cat, or should I wait? Ohhh if anyone knows a website, where I can get a cat picture frame to put a picture of my Blackie and his collar in there it will be much appreciated...Thank you!!!
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you must feel loosing your baby in a such a way. When my Mr. Sophie passed away suddenly the day before thanksgiving I was in total shock. The holidays were just a blur and quite frankly I was in no mood to participate. For Christmas my girls gave me a beautiful collage frame with some of my favorite photos of him. I hang it above my desk at eye level so I can see him everyday.
But also they gave me a locket with his name inscribed on the front. The back reads: "love you always". It's sterling silver and I never take it off. But I was thinking you could get one with his picture lazered on it. I've seen it done.
As far as another cat, I searched for a month to find just the right one to be a good match for my " little man.". We adopted Hermione the week of Christmas and it really helped with the grieving process. One thing I found myself doing which I had to realize was not right was I was comparing every cat I saw to my Mr. Sophie. I was essentially looking for Mr. Sophie. I realized I was passing up on a really sweet cat because of it. I left the shelter not adopting her but couldn't figure out why I didn't. She was all I thought about once I left. The lady was kind enough to let me come back a week later and adopt her. She knew exactly what I was struggling with.
I say spend this time looking for your new baby. I searched pet finders everyday to see what was available. This will help keep your mind on something positive. And then when the right one comes along, you'll just know.
I promise you, later when you think of Blackie it will be of happier times. Hugs to you.
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post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 02:11 PM
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Still so sorry for your poor baby. Although it was under different circumstances, I understand your sadness for Blackie, and for his buddy Danna. It's been over a week now since I lost my Boober, and I was having the same concerns as you about our other kitty; Mr. Red would prowl the house looking for his playmate and meowing for him. My husband and I visited five animal shelters around our area last weekend, and decided that we wanted to go ahead and bring a new kitty home... much for the same reasons you are thinking of. I go back to teaching and taking full time grad. classes in a couple of weeks, and I wanted time to be around to help Red and our new kitty Hanna make their transition together.

I know I had love to give to another kitty, and that I would want a friend for Red, so I decided not to wait. If you feel the same way, I think it's fine, good even, to look for a new kitty. Take the time to find someone who touches your heart, and who you think has a personality that would complement Danna, and when you find the right kitty, you'll know.

Hugs to you and Danna
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post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 03:27 PM Thread Starter
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The same happens to me..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvmyfurbabies View Post
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine the pain you must feel loosing your baby in a such a way. When my Mr. Sophie passed away suddenly the day before thanksgiving I was in total shock. The holidays were just a blur and quite frankly I was in no mood to participate. For Christmas my girls gave me a beautiful collage frame with some of my favorite photos of him. I hang it above my desk at eye level so I can see him everyday.
But also they gave me a locket with his name inscribed on the front. The back reads: "love you always". It's sterling silver and I never take it off. But I was thinking you could get one with his picture lazered on it. I've seen it done.
As far as another cat, I searched for a month to find just the right one to be a good match for my " little man.". We adopted Hermione the week of Christmas and it really helped with the grieving process. One thing I found myself doing which I had to realize was not right was I was comparing every cat I saw to my Mr. Sophie. I was essentially looking for Mr. Sophie. I realized I was passing up on a really sweet cat because of it. I left the shelter not adopting her but couldn't figure out why I didn't. She was all I thought about once I left. The lady was kind enough to let me come back a week later and adopt her. She knew exactly what I was struggling with.
I say spend this time looking for your new baby. I searched pet finders everyday to see what was available. This will help keep your mind on something positive. And then when the right one comes along, you'll just know.
I promise you, later when you think of Blackie it will be of happier times. Hugs to you.
I want a cat that looks, and acts exactly like my Blackie. My husband says I should not try to look for cat just because he looks like Blackie. He tells me that if I get another cat I should love him by the way he will be not just because he looks like Blackie. Yes it is hard to loose a pet especially when you had a strong bond with that pet. I love Danna, but her bond is with my husband. She adores him, and my husband loves her bunches too. Blackie on the other hand was my baby. He was there with me when I was sick, and even carresed my face with his paw. Hard times for me right now, and I do want another cat but I just don't want to overwhelm Dann either.

Thanks for the locket suggestion..I like that idea.
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post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 04:04 PM
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Your husband is right - if you try to get a Blackie clone you will inevitably be disappointed. When you feel it is time to choose a new cat choose one who spealks to you in his / her own right - not because of some external factor like appearance. The right cat is there but if you look only for one who reminds you of Blackie, you may not recognize him / her when you meet.
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post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 10:29 PM
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i echo everyone else's sentiments about finding the cat that touches your heart rather than the one who looks like blackie. if you find a look alike, you will forever be comparing him to blackie and you might really be missing out on that kitty who really loves you for you and not because you remind him of someone from his past, too.

our first kitty was a black and white norewgian forest cat. i also thought i would HAVE to find another who was long haired and black and white as well, but we were chosen by an all white kitty the very next day when we went to the shelter. after seeing 8 or so other cats that very same night at a different shelter, Angel captured our hearts. i can't even explain it. it was just meant to be.

i'm certain you will be chosen as well when you are ready and you might just be completely surprised by who does choose you. keep an open heart and an open mind. you won't regret it.
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post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-19-2012, 11:47 PM
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I can't say from first hand experience but I would probably get another cat.

All I can suggest is that you go to a shelter and let the cats tackle you with kitty cuddles. It will pick you.

As for the frame, I would look on Etsy. You can get a lot of cute homemade (and sometimes customized) stuff at reasonable prices.


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post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 08-20-2012, 06:20 AM
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I'm sorry for your loss. It must be hard on you and Danna.

Cats absolutely feel loss and grieve. There's a danger in projecting too many "human" emotions onto our cats, but there's no doubt that cats feel the loss of their animal companions.

I had to euthanize my German Shepherd two years ago, and my cat has never been the same since. They grew up together and were best friends.

Look at it this way - the heart is infinite. It can stretch to accomodate new loves for new pets. But when we lose a pet, the canvas of the heart is cut. There is a hole in the shape of our beloved pet. No other pet will exactly match that shape, no matter how hard you try to shoehorn them in. You cannot "patch" over that hole with another pet either - the patch won't be the right shape! I know my example seems a little corny, but it's how I have felt through all my pet losses.

Your heart will grow large enough to love a new pet. The new pet will never, ever be Blackie's replacement, but he or she can be a fitting heir to the love you had for Blackie :}

As for getting a new cat, I would say absolutely do so if YOU feel emotionally ready. Remember that cats aren't human - they do grieve, but you don't have to "give" Danna a set amount of time to mourn. Animals adapt quickly to new situations, and even though she won't ever forget Blackie, a new pal could give her a new lease on life. Remember, SHE is used to having another cat around. Suddenly being solo is probably more stressful than getting used to another cat.

How old is Danna? If she's not too old (if she's under ~12 years old), you are fine in getting a new cat. I'd actually recommend a kitten. A new kitten can re-energize an adult cat, and can distract an older cat from grief (in a good way!)

A kitten, also, has a good chance of being somewhat moulded by the older cat. A kitten is not set in its ways or personality the way an older cat might be. If you adopt an adult cat, it may have personality quirks or habits that Danna can't adapt to. It's not impossible for an older cat to be introduced to another adult cat, but it seems like a kitten would be easier on everyone.

Good luck! Let us know what you decide to do :}
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