Insensitive comments from non cat people - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 05:36 PM Thread Starter
 
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Insensitive comments from non cat people

The other day I posted about how I had sadly lost two of my lovely new kittens despite doing everything I could to feed them after they were born. It has been a very upsetting time as I am sure everyone here understands very much and firstly thank you for all the lovely things everyone has said. Secondly the three remaining kittens and Mum Willow are all doing really well - they have been checked over by the vet and are getting bigger and stronger by the day which is such a relief - I'll post some piccies soon so you can all have a look.

I just wanted to say though that I couldn't believe how mean one of my non cat friends was about the whole thing. I know its a little naive to think that people who don't have animals will understand how we love, care for and grieve for our babies and even more niave to think that people will be nice all the time but one of my closest friends really hurt my feelings when I told them about it and I just wanted to get it off my chest. Obviously I was upset and phoned my friend to get a bit of comfort and their reply was that my behaviour was bordering on the point of hypocrital because as I had my bred my pedigree I was clearly only in it for the money and I ought to just get over it. I told them I thought that was a really unecessary and unkind thing to say and also just not true but he replied by saying that I was acting ridiculous and if I wanted to understand what upset was I should try looking at it from his perspective - afterall he was about to eat his dinner when I called and how was he supposed to enjoy it now with images of dead cat in his mind.

What is wrong with some people??? I am so shocked that this kind of comment came from anyone - let alone someone who is supposed to be a friend! I was really upset as it was and this just made things a million times worse.

I know this probably seems a bit silly but everyone who knows me knows how important my babies are too me - this was just downright cruel and hurtful.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 05:44 PM
 
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I am so sorry to hear that. You are a GOOD person, and have a HUGE loving heart.
The breeder of my Himalayan kitten has told me many stories of how cruel other people, including other breeders can be. These people's attitude was quite similar to what you have witnessed, and don't understand how she, the breeder, can be so emotional over kittens passing. She has been told she is in the wrong business if she cries over these animals dying, and that she needs to get thicker skin.

Allow your self to have time to grieve, and enjoy the surviving kittens. That makes me sad to hear of sweet innocents passing...
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 05:44 PM
 
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I would be extremely upset also. To me that person isn't a friend. A friend would support you in your time of need no matter what the circumstances.
I just joined so I don't know much about your situation but I am so sorry for you lose of your little babies.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 05:45 PM
 
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Wow. I'm sorry your "friend" treated you that way! Honestly, if a so-called friend said that to me during a time I needed support and an ear, I'd rethink the friendship altogether and probably decide I was better off without them.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 06:16 PM
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Re: Insensitive comments from non cat people

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephie
What is wrong with some people???
Perfectly ordinary people who haven't had pets can fail to understand how much a pet can mean, because they're never experienced it. To them, they're "just animals".
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 06:50 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princesskitty
I would be extremely upset also. To me that person isn't a friend. A friend would support you in your time of need no matter what the circumstances.
I just joined so I don't know much about your situation but I am so sorry for you lose of your little babies.
I totally agree with Princesskitty : that person can't be a real friend. Because even if he doesn't give a **** to pets, knowing that it is so important to you, he should have at least tried to comfort you, trying to find the correct words to make you feel a bit better instead of acting so selfishly

Sometimes my hubby talks to me about subjects I'm not specially fond of such as sports, or cars. Well I listen to him and even have a conversation about it because I know he likes it. I'm not going to refuse talking about it just because I don't like the subject... Well your friend should have acted exactly the same way. It's a question of kindness.

In fact, that person doesn't care the way you feel... and doesn't deserve your friendship

But I'm not surprised. I've had the opportunity to speak of animals to people who are not animal lovers. When I say that I give money to associations such as the SPCA, they reply "and to think of all the children who die of hunger !" That makes me go out of my mind ! There's no comparison ! And after all, it's my right if I want to give my money to the wellfare of animals ! Most of the time, people who criticize are those who don't give, not even for the children !
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 08:09 PM
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I agree that this was insensitive, but I disagree with those statements that this person is suddenly not a friend any longer because he didn't 'get' your grief. I think that's belittling the whole friendship. My friends would have to do a whole lot more than fail to be sympathetic in order for me to drop them.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm sorry your friend wasn't able to be there for you. Some people don't deal well with grief issues at all, and it's possible that your friend is one of them. I know that I tend to freeze up sometimes when someone comes to me and shares their loss with me... I never quite know what to say.

Big hugs to you,
Lisa
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 08:38 PM
 
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Sorry to hear about your loss. I would have a hard time with a friend if they said something like that to me. I don't know if I'd even have the heart to call them again, cause who knows where our friendship stands if they talked to me like that.

A similar situation of non-cat people. I made the mistake of commenting to my father in law how I hadn't gotten much sleep as our 2 cats kept me awake most of the night running around on and off the bed. His reply, "Time to get rid of the cats if they're gonna interfere with your life." My husband looked at him and said, "And I suppose you'll expect us to get rid of our baby when it keeps us up all night?" Not another word was said.

We of course don't have kids yet, but it's the similarity that my husband compared it to. LOL!
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 09:01 PM
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Quote:
I agree that this was insensitive, but I disagree with those statements that this person is suddenly not a friend any longer because he didn't 'get' your grief. I think that's belittling the whole friendship. My friends would have to do a whole lot more than fail to be sympathetic in order for me to drop them.
I can understand that this person may not have been able to comprehend the grief of losing an animal, but to speak that way to a friend is pretty harsh regardless of the circumstances. I wouldn't be too excited about someone who told me I ruined their dinner by calling and that I should now feel sorry for them.

Having said that, if this person really is a good friend that you value, I would explain how hurt you were by his comments and ask for an apology.

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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 06-15-2005, 09:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Petrafan4life79
A similar situation of non-cat people. I made the mistake of commenting to my father in law how I hadn't gotten much sleep as our 2 cats kept me awake most of the night running around on and off the bed. His reply, "Time to get rid of the cats if they're gonna interfere with your life." My husband looked at him and said, "And I suppose you'll expect us to get rid of our baby when it keeps us up all night?" Not another word was said.

We of course don't have kids yet, but it's the similarity that my husband compared it to. LOL!
HA that is the most AWESOME comeback!!!! I Need to rememeber that story. Good point!!!!!
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