Letter to My Pets - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-03-2006, 05:54 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: aloha state
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Letter to My Pets

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but animal sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest. Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough - kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's/cat's behind.

To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door: Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets 1. The pets live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's call "fur"niture.) 3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are adopted sons/daughters who happen to be hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. 4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
-they don't ask for money all the time
-they are easier to train
-they usually come when called
-they don't hang out with drug-using friends
-they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education

"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong....because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-04-2006, 08:06 AM
Cool Cat
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Minnesota
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Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets
#5. too bad,

I once heard Warf say that to the ailien that was belly-aching on Star Trek, The Next Generation.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-04-2006, 12:00 PM
Tom Cat
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 500
That's very funny!! Tuxie has always tried to beat me going up and down the stairs and almost tripping me several times! And the bathroom one! LOL she does that too! haha
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 02-04-2006, 02:11 PM
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Location: Montclair, CA, USA
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I love the one about the stairway. My cats seem to think its for them and them only. Many times when I've been walking up the stairs has Lucky raced ahead of me and has tried to attack my pink fuzzy slippers as I walk past him. But the funniest thing to see is the three of them chasing each other up and down the stairs...you can almost hear the engines roaring and screeching of the tires as they round invisible corners.

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