Growing old...so bittersweet - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
 
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-23-2006, 04:55 PM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
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Growing old...so bittersweet

I have always had trust issues when it comes to people and relationships, ever since my teenage years. I kinda replaced people with pets and have nevered lacked for love or attention from any of those relationships.

But, how and why I came into the relationship I now have with my BugWand began both instinctively and, on my part, selfishly. I was alone, and told by a proffesional in the medical field...chances are I would not survive without support. It was Halloween 1991, and I had just been diagnosed with a rare, trauma induced cancer found in my left breast. So, I got a cat.

There is no one in my family's history, both sides, of having any cancer and the one family member, that lives in my vicinity, did not believe me just because of that. I truly felt abandon and alone in the human race. But not once did I ever feel unloved...I had my Bugs.

Today, I am cancer free and, in my heart, I know it was Bugs who made me want to fight for life. I have a relationship with my cat that I never would have thought possible. I mean, it's the dog that is mans best friend. And, I had a lab named Clover (my first pet) who truely was my best friend, who passed at age 16. She did virtually everthing with me...if she wasn't invited...I didn't go!

Now, very soon my cat will be 16. Most people think of cats as second class pets. They know so little. I have had other cats, too. Never one that lived this long and never one that I can say I could have depended on in the same way I do with Bugs. More than a companion, a friend and someone to talk to...he is a soulmate, my spirit guide on earth that communicates with love... through trust...by instinct and life's exsperiences.

He knows me, what my eyes say, my actions and my moods. I understand what his exspressions mean and the different look his eyes make. I know exactely what he wants (when he wants me too ) and he knows exactely how to get it.

In growing old he's grown much closer. He wants to be with me everywhere in the house (and garden). He comes everytime I call, never to busy anymore. He lays down, gets up, jumps off even waits patiently if I ask these things of him. Sometimes he just looks into my eyes and it's different...it's sweet...it's sad...timeless for that moment but bonded to the reality of how all things will one day end.

The only part that hurts is when he hurts. I see it on his face but that's as much as he will let me know, the rest must come from my efforts and those of his vet. Making sure I do everything I can, to insure his well being, is just what I'll do. And I'll stop not when the hurt has started hurting to much, but when his eyes look into mine, and with the greatest of love he'll tell me...it's time too.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-23-2006, 05:18 PM
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Oh my gosh. That is the most beautiful thing I think I've ever read. And I read constantly. I'm crying my eyes out. I'm so glad you've found a soulmate, you're both so blessed to have found eachother. Most people can only wish for the love you and he have experianced. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-24-2006, 08:53 PM
 
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How incredibly touching your story was to me.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-25-2006, 01:55 PM
 
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Amazing. That's all I can say. Thank you for sharing that, it was beautiful.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-28-2006, 05:39 AM Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 421
Thanks guys,
I only pop in and post four, five or maybe six times every 5 months or so. Ever since a single vets visit, and that vets neglectful actions permanently disabled my best friend I kinda have a hard time participating in the forum. It's not that I don't enjoy reading all the post and tips and comments...I do. I just still have a really hard time with reading about all the other cats and what my Bugwand "used" to like,... to do,...to want,...to have,...to play with,...what he used to be like, too.
Not only do I still deal with the anger, but the pain of watching how different and difficult things can be for my kitty throughout his day...everyday, stains my heart with pain that just will not wash away.
I know that he makes the best of what life offers him because it is what it is for he who has not many choices. As long as he is still content and not subjected to torturing, pain and suffering...I will live loving him growing old.
Rather than re-writing the horrifying event and all that followed, any of you wondering what it was that the vet did can probably read the story by typing my sreen name in the search and go to my first post, which was a few days after it happened, which was on my birthday sept.15 2004. It should still be available, although I do not know for sure. Sorry...I will never get over it. Accepting it is as hard as one day at a time. My entire world revolves around his every move...and it is sad for me sometimes to read about all the things my kitty can not do anymore. He didn't get to grow old gracefully.
He aged drastically...overnight, forced into a shortened lifespan from having to endure higher stress levels on a daily basis. (due to not being able to determine the direction of all sounds)


I apologize for being so depressing

I don't know how to fix it where you can just click on the link, but this is the thread that tells the story. I get kinda out of control in a couple post along the thread...but you might have too...if it happened to you.

https://www.catforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=9588
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-28-2006, 08:19 AM
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
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That's so beautiful!
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