I have always had trust issues when it comes to people and relationships, ever since my teenage years. I kinda replaced people with pets and have nevered lacked for love or attention from any of those relationships.
But, how and why I came into the relationship I now have with my BugWand began both instinctively and, on my part, selfishly. I was alone, and told by a proffesional in the medical field...chances are I would not survive without support. It was Halloween 1991, and I had just been diagnosed with a rare, trauma induced cancer found in my left breast. So, I got a cat.
There is no one in my family's history, both sides, of having any cancer and the one family member, that lives in my vicinity, did not believe me just because of that. I truly felt abandon and alone in the human race. But not once did I ever feel unloved...I had my Bugs.
Today, I am cancer free and, in my heart, I know it was Bugs who made me want to fight for life. I have a relationship with my cat that I never would have thought possible. I mean, it's the dog that is mans best friend. And, I had a lab named Clover (my first pet) who truely was my best friend, who passed at age 16. She did virtually everthing with me...if she wasn't invited...I didn't go!
Now, very soon my cat will be 16. Most people think of cats as second class pets. They know so little. I have had other cats, too. Never one that lived this long and never one that I can say I could have depended on in the same way I do with Bugs. More than a companion, a friend and someone to talk to...he is a soulmate, my spirit guide on earth that communicates with love... through trust...by instinct and life's exsperiences.
He knows me, what my eyes say, my actions and my moods. I understand what his exspressions mean and the different look his eyes make. I know exactely what he wants (when he wants me too
) and he knows exactely how to get it.
In growing old he's grown much closer. He wants to be with me everywhere in the house (and garden). He comes everytime I call, never to busy anymore. He lays down, gets up, jumps off even waits patiently if I ask these things of him. Sometimes he just looks into my eyes and it's different...it's sweet...it's sad...timeless for that moment but bonded to the reality of how all things will one day end.
The only part that hurts is when he hurts. I see it on his face but that's as much as he will let me know, the rest must come from my efforts and those of his vet. Making sure I do everything I can, to insure his well being, is just what I'll do. And I'll stop not when the hurt has started hurting to much, but when his eyes look into mine, and with the greatest of love he'll tell me...it's time too.