Re: Scared of our cat :(
Welcome, and I'll try to help.
To me, your kitty sounds unsocialized. I don't mean to imply that she was ignored, but it does seem like she hasn't been consistently handled through her life and is generally distrustful of those around her. It also seems like perhaps something has happened to scare her and/or make her mistrust the people around her so she is constantly on the offensive to 'protect' herself from whatever contact it was that occured and frightened her in the first place. There are also medical conditions that make a cat's skin hyper sensitive to touch and this can create a cat who tries to avoid being touched when they aren't handled in a manner that doesn't cause them discomfort.
I would recommend reading some threads in the feral forum about socializing ferals and semi-feral cats. I foster and socialized feral cats/kittens for adoption. I have successfully tamed all ferals I have come across and they have all turned into great housecats. Usually MY housecats, but they are all good cats, regardless of their feral start in life.
If I had your cat, I would start by gaining her trust. Not looking her directly in the eyes, blinking my eyes at her (closing your eyes when looking at a cat, or looking at them, blinking and looking away, is cat-language for: "I trust you enough to NOT watch you every moment" and it helps them to relax). I would offer treats, like canned food served while I sit nearby. I would hand feed cooked chicken mixed with Cream of Chicken Soup. I would pick the cat up and place her on my lap, facing my knees and with a towel over my lap if I were afraid of her putting her claws out in anxiety. I would hold her by the scruff, lightly, but I'd still make her stay on my lap, and with my other hand, I'd slowly but firmly rub her head and shoulders for 5-15 seconds.
You have to watch the cat to see how long they can tolerate the handling. Some only a few seconds, some tolerate longer handling sessions.
If the kitty would relax, I would loosen my scruff hold and rub the back of the neck to 'remove the memory' of the hold and let her leave when she wanted. If she was too stiff and nervous to relax, I would (after the 5-15 seconds of rubbing) place her off my lap and let her go. It is important to NOT look at the cat when you release them. You want to act like it was No Big Deal at all. Sometimes the cat will run off a couple feet away, then stop to look back at you and sometimes they only take a few steps away. My goal, is to get the cat to stop trying to get away, and want to step off my lap and then step back on for more attention.
Anyhow, this was only a very brief description. Perhaps some others will be able to post some ideas for you, too.