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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 07:17 PM Thread Starter
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Worried about grieving cat

On Saturday my little furry boy Bob passed away very suddenly and the age of just four. There had been no signs and he was happy healthy and active, even eating and drinking prior to his passing. He just dropped dead on my bedroom floor.

I'm obviously devastated but I think that my other cat is having a hard time as well. She was with him when it happened and was guarding him when I found him, so she knows what has happened. She was his momma and it was pitiful to see how she was reacting after we got home from the vets.

Tahllula is not the most affectionate cat and she prefers to be left alone most of the time, just comes for a pat a couple of times a day. She has almost been constantly with me since it happened, only leaving me to go an have a quick nap up stairs. I've caught her licking some of his fav spots where he used to lie and especially my duvet, it almost looked like when she used to groom him. Also for the first time ever, she has been sitting on my lap today and actively seeking lots of pats. She's also crying out a lot.

I'm trying to make a fuss of her and I don't think that she has ever had as many treats in one day before, but is there anything that I should be doing for her that I am not and also does anyone have any idea about the licking?

I'm so worried about her.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 07:29 PM
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i am so sorry for the both of you.

i am by no means a expert on cat psychology but in my opinion doing exactly what you are doing is the best thing. i would say that just like with a grieving person all that can be done is lots of love and tlc if that is what the grieving party wants, and it sounds like that is exactly what Tahllula wants/needs.

i wish i could be of more help to the two of you.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 07:47 PM
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I'm so sorry for both your loss and Tahllula's loss. Losing a someone you love is hard no matter what. Right now it sounds like you're right on track. You acknowledged that your other cat is gone and are showing Tahllula you are hurting too. Keep up the comfort. It will be good for the both of you
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 08:11 PM
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I think what you are doing is perfect! It's so hard for everyone when a precious soul passes. Keep grooming her and cuddling with her, this will help give her a positive feel to any changes in the house while she grieves and let her know that she is not alone. I wouldn't feel to worried about her sniffing his normal spots. I know that a lot of different animals sniff and nuzzle the dead body of their companion or where their scent is strongest. I've seen lots of mama cats do this when they lose a kit. It is a natural part of the grieving process.

I would also recommend doing everything you can to keep her schedule as close to as normal as you possibly can. Cats are creatures of routine and habit. The loss of her loved one has caused a major upset. Anything else will only escalate the stress, even things as simple as changing her feeding time or moving her litter box to as drastic as a full change of furniture placement.

I am so sorry once again about your loss. I very much understand how hard it is. I'm glad that you and Tahllula have each other to lean on for comfort and love. I'm sure Bob knows how much he is loved and missed.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 08:31 PM Thread Starter
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It would be so much easier if they could speak. I really appreciate the feedback, its hard sometimes to know just what our little friends need. I'm so upset and I am scared that I may miss something with her or that I should be doing something differently.

She was my first ever kitty (we had always had dogs up until then) and truth be told, I wasn't really in the market for a cat when she came to me but my niece had rescued her from being mistreated and couldn't keep her as she already had two cats and a dog. Poor little girl had three different homes in the first 12 weeks of her life and I just couldn't turn her away. I still feel that I have no idea what I'm doing where she is concerned sometimes and worry that maybe I'm not as good a kitty mum that I could be. I've read lots of books and stuff, but I'm still confused by her sometimes. Bob was so different, it was easy with him, he knew what he wanted and he knew how to let me know (and how to wrap me round his little paws at the same time), we had a very, very close bond. I don't have the same sort of bond with her and I'm just really scared that I may miss something. I do love her just as much as the little guy but I dont 'get' her as much as I did Bob.

I hope you can understand what I mean.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 08:50 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes a lot of love and time to heal after such a sudden event.
She seems like an independent cat, a strong personality. It's like with people, the strongest suffer more because they don't know how to ask for a shoulder to cry on and people presume them being so strong that they can handle everything. But you are a good mom and I think you are doing the right things to her. She'll be fine with a lot of affection and some time.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 08:54 PM
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you are being a great mom and you certainly have a wonderful heart.

i bet that Tahllula feels your sadness as well as your concern for her. given time she will adjust and the bond between you two will likely be stronger.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 09:20 PM
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She might be licking the spots where Bob used to be since she was used to grooming him and licking areas where she can smell him comforts her. You're doing exactly as you should do. It will take a bit of time, but she'll be fine after a while. I hope you can each be a comfort to one another during this sad time.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-14-2011, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Susan View Post
She might be licking the spots where Bob used to be since she was used to grooming him and licking areas where she can smell him comforts her. You're doing exactly as you should do. It will take a bit of time, but she'll be fine after a while. I hope you can each be a comfort to one another during this sad time.
See this is what I was thinking the licking might be. Now i don't know if I should wipe out every trace of his smell (easier said than done I suspect) so it doesn't upset her or should I just leave it. That said, I am going to have to clean at some point in the very near future, so I would assume that most of his smell would be destroyed then, but should I leave one of the surfaces (say the window sill) for a few weeks to bring her some comfort?
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 02-15-2011, 12:19 AM
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You're doing a great job. Just keep on giving her as much attention as she wants, grooming her is calming. I would not clean up the spots where Bob used to sit yet. Give it a few weeks, and then clean except for the window sill. It does take cats who had a close attachment to another some time to grieve. One of my old cats lost her catfriend very much like yours with a sudden heart attack and they'd been together 16 years. She saw her body, but afterwards went through the house frequently meowing for her, wanted every closed door opened, and used to sit in the same spots her catfriend did. She carried on like this for almost 3 months and then gradually came back to normal. Like people animals are individuals when it comes to grieving. Some may not grieve at all, and others may grieve for quite a long time. All the best!
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