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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-07-2013, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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Hello! Need lots of advice!!

My husband and I have had cats in the past - they both died from old age so I am not totally new to the cat world. For the past so many years we have been doing greyhound adoption. We also have a 6 year old daughter who would like something cute and cuddly for her own. We thought a cat would be perfect. She is excellent with animals. We were very careful to teach her boundries with our greys because, frankly, their mouths were bigger than her head!

We recently lost our boy and only have our girl left. She is cat-safe so I am not worried at all when it comes to her.

My husband's coworker has decided to get rid of her cat. (Her boyfriend doesn't like it.) We offered to take her on a trial basis.

She is a cute cat and sweet but I don't think she is the cat for us. She does not seem to want to cuddle. She will let us come up to her and pet her but she almost seem disinterested. (I know - she is a cat!) My daughter is sad because she wants the cat to sit with her. I am torn on what to do. I want to give her time to adjust and see if she will be more affectionate but I don't want to try and force something that none of us feel.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 12:26 AM
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Some cats are just cuddlers and some aren't. So it's somewhat hard to tell at this point whether the cat will be a cuddler or not? Was she a cuddler with her previous owner? If she was, with some time and patience she will likely want to cuddle again when she feels trust. You can encourage the cat to be more friendly to your daughter by having her sit on the floor and play interactive games with the cat....eg. drawing a cord around her and through her lap, or playing with a fishing pole type of toy like "Da Bird". Also let your daughter have the role of treat giver, and food giver. Have her try to gently groom the cat with a steel grooming comb, even if it is a shorthair, as most cats like to be groomed and it is very good for bonding with the cat. Follow the grooming with a treat. If the cat isn't used to being groomed start with the cheeks and the head, some cats like to rub up against the comb while its being held, so let the cat do that and gradually she can do more on the body as long as the cat tolerates and enjoys it. You've had the cat such a short time for it to really feel comfortable in a new home but hopefully you'll give the cat some more time to adjust. Good luck!

"There are no ordinary cats.";"Time spent with a cat is never wasted."~ Colette
"A loving cat can mend a wounded heart." ~ Unknown Author
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 07:50 AM
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First, shame on that girl for giving up her furiend for a boyfriend, but that is beside the point. I know a woman that did that and she lives with guilt to this day.
You don't really say how old the cat is or how long you've had it. Kitty may not be be the best fit for daughter, or you could accept who the cat is and teach your daughter that not all people/cats fit our expectations and we need to accept them for who they are, not what we want them to be.
OR, perhaps the thing to do is to go to the local shelter and ask to see the cats that are known snugglers or lap cats. Most shelters know their cats somewhat well. You can pick out a potential cat and ask to sit quietly with it in a "get acquainted" room. I would do that alone as an adult. The best room I saw was in a nearby city shelter that had a couch in it (legs removed so kitty could not hide) where potential adopter and kitty could spend quality quiet time. Most cats that are snugglers will gravitate towards a lap eventually. You could always come back with daughter and ask for a second visit. Of course the question remains what to do with the cat the boyfriend hates - are you going to put it back to that environment? Best wihses with your decisions. I hope every thing ends up ok for all concerned.

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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 08:04 AM
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I agree with catloverami...Some cats like to cuddle, others don't, and your best guide would be to find out if she was a cuddler with her prior owner. If she was, chances are she'll cuddle again given time. If she wasn't, chances are she won't be a cuddly cat.

I have one of each. Muffs is not a cuddler. She likes to be in the same room as me and she'll sleep at the foot of my bed, but she absolutely refuses to sit on my lap. Abby on the other hand is a little cuddlebug, but she will only cuddle with me, nobody else (although I live alone). If I were hit by a bus and my girls ended up with a new owner, I suspect Abby would ultimately end up cuddling with her new owner, but it would take time. On the other hand, I seriously doubt Muffs will ever want to cuddle with anyone.

So, you might want to speak to her prior owner, to see what her experience was. In saying all of that, I'm assuming this is a mature cat. If she's still a kitten or a very young cat, you really won't know whether or not she's a cuddler until she's older.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-12-2013, 09:01 PM
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As Marcia said, it's hard to say whether she's not a cuddler or if she still needs time without knowing how long she's been with you. It might just be that she needs time to adjust and get to know you better. The fact that she lets you pet her doesn't necessarily mean that she trusts you - at least not completely. Especially if she's shy, you'll need to let her come to you when she's ready. If you try to force it, she might become wary of you, and it will take longer.

My Celia is a total lapcat, but I don't believe she was like that for quite some time - maybe months? Maybe even longer (it's been 11 years, and I have a bad memory). It wouldn't have struck me as odd, because my other cat has never been a cuddler. Even now, though, Celia only asks for my lap when I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. She knows that's the time when I'm relaxed and everything's calm and quiet. She's skittish and won't come out when I have guests and there's activity. Once we're all seated, chatting, and not moving, she comes out and sniffs everyone.

However, if you think that she's just not the right fit, maybe for other reasons that go along with her not being a cuddler, then this might not work out. This is still a trial run, right?
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 10:45 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for your advice. We kept her for almost 3 weeks and it just was not working. We were told that she was a cuddler but after asking some more questions - the previous owner admitted that she may not be the best cat for a 6 year old. We found her a great home with an older lady and it is going great.

We spent a few weeks trying to find the right kitty for us. We found some posibilities but nothing clicked. I finally took my daughter to the SPCA and they just happened to have an entire litter of kittens. I wanted a cat and not a kitten but my daughter fell in love with this cute little tabby who was 4 months old. We adopted Mischa this past Monday and she is wonderful. She has only been here a few days and she is just what I was hoping we would find. She loves to sit with my daughter while she is doing her homework. She like to be held like a baby and have her tummy scratched. She is the sweetest little thing! We love her.
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 10:54 PM
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I'm so glad you found the right kitty for your family! Will you post some pics for us in the "meet my kitty" section?
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 11:00 PM Thread Starter
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I was just looking at how to post a picture!
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