Cat lives in fear
First, some background information:
Buddha is 6 years old. I raised him since he was 5 days old, with his four other siblings although three of them were adopted out. He was the biggest of the bunch. I raised and handled all of the kittens the same way, but Buddha was always very loving and affectionate, more than the others.
He has extreme fear of going to the vet. He goes ballistic when I try to put him into the carrier, like he is going to his death. He's been to the vet for emergency urinary blockages four times, all approximately one week stays, in the last four years. After the fourth blockage, he had the PU surgery. Before the blockages, I had been feeding him dry food. After the first blockage, I fed him prescription dry and wet food. After the second blockage, I fed him only high quality wet food. After the third and fourth blockage, I feed him Royal Canin Urinary SO wet and high quality (like Wild Calling, Dave's, Soulistic) wet food only with water mixed in. He also has two water fountains and access to five clean litterboxes. He has no trouble with going to the bathroom and leaves huge balls of urine, which is good.
I live with my parents right now and have been here for about 5 years. The first year years of his life I lived alone in a big apartment and the second year I lived in a big house with 3 other roommates. He shyed away from my roommates but at the time was not scared of them. Now living with my parents, he gets free rein of the house during the day and stays in my bedroom at night, along with my other two cats. All three of my cats get along very well. I had Bowie before I got the kittens and Izzie is the other kitten I kept. Buddha is not shy with my two other cats. He plays with them and sometimes tries to boss them around.
My parents have a cat who is coincidentally one of the kittens I fostered. When I was living alone, that was the only time Izzie and Buddha were away from their sister Petty. When I moved back home, Izzie and Petty did not get along and still do not get along. But my parents house is big and Petty has her territory and Izzie stays around me. Buddha gets along with Petty okay, but sometimes he chases her and bosses her around. During the day, Buddha sometimes wanders the house and does not just stay where I am.
Okay now for the problem:
Buddha lives in constant fear. He's great around me and is very possessive and clingy. He follows me around everywhere and will not let me do anything without vying for my attention. But for some reason he hates everyone in my family except for me. He can tolerate my mom, but he HATES my dad and my brother. He used to just run away from them when they came near him, but now he has started to hiss at them when he only sees them. About a year ago, he was able to sniff my dad and brothers hand, but then ran away. Now he just downright hates them and will not go near them and hisses like mad. I do not understand what happened between now and then. I do not understand why he is like this in the first place. There was no history of any trauma with other people that I can think of… When I was living alone, I always had friends over and he was fine with them. He was not lovey-dovey like my attention-getting Izzie, but he tolerated them. Now living back at home, he will sometimes only stay in my bedroom when I am at school or work and will not come out until I am home. He does get scared or nervous with loud or unexpected sounds like weather or footsteps.
The only time I have been away from my cats was for three days, when I went out of town with my parents. My brother stayed home and fed my cats. He said that Buddha ran away under the bed and would not eat until he left. Besides that, I have always been home (besides school and work).
As for solutions, I have had Feliway plugged in for about five months now. I just started giving him Pet Naturals Calming treats every other day. I also give him Cosequin every other day in his wet food. I test his urine pH at least once every two weeks, and it tests out 6.5. I play Da Bird with him every now and then and Cat Dancer. He loves those. He also loves the Yeow Catnip Banana. He has an interactive feeder than I put in either Purebites Freeze-dried Chicken or a few bits of dry kibble. He's very paw-sy and loves sticking his paws into the tubes to get a "surprise treat." When I am ready for bed, so is he. He usually sleeps either on a flat cushion next to me or in my arms with his head on my pillow.
I just do not understand why he is one way with me and completely a different cat with others. I wonder what made him scared in the first place. Could the vet emergency visits made him have stress and trauma? My dad is not a small man, maybe he is scared of his presence, although my brother is smaller.
Is there any other way to de-stress him besides giving him anti-anxiety or any other pills? I do not want to resort to prescriptions if it is not needed. Any tips would be appreciated!