how kitties grieve after the loss of a buddy - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-18-2014, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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how kitties grieve after the loss of a buddy

Celia and Margaux were never close, but they did live together for nearly 13 years, and Celia is taking this much harder than I expected.

For the first few days, she hardly slept at all. She sat on the back of the couch just staring out the front windows, I think watching for any sign of Margaux. She's been very jumpy. One day when I went into the screened porch calling Mr. Casper, I saw her on her hind legs pawing furiously at the storm door, and trying desperately to see out. I knew she thought I was talking to Margaux. When I opened the door a crack and she saw that it was Casper, she ran back a few steps and gave me the most reproachful look, like I had betrayed her by making her think Margaux was there or maybe just by being out there with Casper.

Then she slept constantly for several days, but since yesterday, she seems to be back to being wide awake. She gives me this sad, questioning look wondering why I haven't yet brought Margaux back from wherever she went, and I can see that every day, she looks a little sadder and she has a little less hope that Margaux is coming back.

She's started to do some things that Margaux always did but that she didn't - pawing at or walking in pee clumps instead of leaving perfectly round, neat pee balls, sitting on the towel where she gets dry food to let me know she's hungry, waiting for her wet food in the kitchen, even eating her wet food there yesterday and today. And she's suddenly gone from meowing once in a blue moon when she wanted food to meowing every day, sometimes more than once. Yesterday, she meowed even though I wasn't looking at her, which was a first.

Has anyone else seen their kitty's behavior change after a pal has passed away? If so, was it permanent?

I've been spending a lot of time with her, giving her lots of attention and cuddle time, which she has really wanted, and telling her how much I miss Margaux too. Since she didn't get to see Margaux's body, is there anything else I can do to help her understand and to comfort her?
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-18-2014, 07:21 AM
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Oh honey, I am so sorry. It was really hard to watch Pazu grieve his baby.
All I knew to do was give him loads of attention, extra play time, treats, and to groom him more.
It took a month before he started to perk up, and he really didnt sparkle again until he had Skye.
Massive hugs for you both during this hard time.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-18-2014, 09:21 AM
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I'm so sorry Patty. I feel so bad for you and for Celia. After we lost Echo, I spent extra bonding time with Chino. Like Speechie's Pazu, Chino didn't really seem like himself until Shadow came and became his companion.

Misty and Tiger sound more like Celia and Margaux. They were never close. When Misty passed unexpectedly, Tiger was already in renal failure and was very sick. I can't really say that he even noticed she was gone.

It's so hard to go through this during the holidays I'm sending you thoughts and prayers and hugs

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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-18-2014, 10:35 AM
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Wish I had an answer for you.
Tela, my son's cat, and Mocha hated each other and had divided the house into Tela-parts and Mocha-parts. Tela moved out just before Mocha passed, but my son brought her for visits. It did take Tela about 6 months before she started not searching dark corners to make sure Mocha wasn't guarding territory...but she was only here a couple times a week. Not long after, we got the "Puddies" and now Tela is the "ol' grouch" when she comes to visit.

I think Celia is just missing that extra presence right now...not really sure what to do as, even if they aren't friends, they did know each other existed and made allowances in their own ways for that.

...Always in my heart... Mocha....Nov. 13, 2002 - Dec. 6, 2013
.... Slave to Bengal Cats....Luna, Mystik, Simba, Komet, Meli,
, and Star
.....and a collection of kittens at various times.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-18-2014, 11:06 AM
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My cat's have always seemed to grieve when I loos a housemate of theirs.

When I lost Squeek 4 years ago her sibling and litter mate grieved hard for her and died 4 months later of a stroke. They were 17 years old and shared common house space together amicably.

When Sherbert. The kitty of my heart died at 18.5 years 2 years ago. Jack who Sherbert raised from birth, snuggled with and groomed daily took it hard. Jack grieved for almost a year and half or longer. he has just recently seemed to get past it. Sherbert was a light buff color. Archie is a dark Buff color. But every time Archie would walk in eyesight, BlackJack would get this excited meow and run to him hopefully. He always looked so confused and sad when Archie bopped him on the head every single time and ran away. Yet he always did it. Then when through the house calling sadly. Before Sherbert would always go find him if he called out. He always seemed so lost When Sherbert didn't come for him. Pepper took up the duty of daily grooming him and they snuggled together more often. They had snuggled daily before, but afterward it was a constant reassurance.

Now Jack naps on the foot of the bed facing the doorway, where he watches for Pepper, Gypsy and Bella to walk in. I lost them all pretty much at the same time. He Has called some looking for them and seems to miss them. He now HAS to be in any room I am in ALL the time and calls if he wakes from a nap and doesn't see me or my OH. Since he is deaf he can't hear where we are.

Thankfully he is back to grooming himself lately. Getting the forming mats off of him was becoming a daily issue.

I have also noticed he has taken on a few of Peppers mannerisms lately also.

Archie has also upped his need for cuddling and has taken a HUGE interest in the outdoor cats. Laying on the cat tree and watching them. Good thing he isn't developing territory issues with them.

so sorry for writing a BOOK!!!!
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-19-2014, 09:59 AM
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Aww, so sorry that Celia is at loose ends missing her not-so-buddy. When we lost Punky, Penny was devastated. But he was also everything to her - she was much more his cat than she ever was ours. She just huddled on the bed for quite a while, looking depressed. She ate but much less than her usual. She didn't seem to care that we were around, but then she never was a lap cat or overly affectionate - sweet, but not attention seeking at all. Most of her head butting and rubbing was reserved for Punky. We would seek her out regularly for pets and cuddles, and then after a couple of weeks she started to perk up a bit. When we got Mystique about a month after Punky passed, Penny was not impressed. She earned the nickname 'Grumpy Butt' in fact lol, but she would just hiss and swat and wasn't trying to attack or anything.

Now, over a year later, she seems happy to have both Mystique and Sunny around (although no cuddling with either one like she did with Punky), and in general seems her bright-eyed self.
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-19-2014, 10:31 AM
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Our dog Lilly passed away in September and it took our other dog Midnight 2 month to be her normal self again. She was sleeping a lot, wouldn't go near the dog bed Lilly was sleeping on, she hardly wagged her tail. She didn't go far to do her business in the yard and if she did it was a quick thing.
Now she wags her tail constantly and stays outside longer and enjoys our daily walks again.
I think our cat Pepper didn't grieve to much; she knew Lilly only for a year. Midnight was by her site for ~ 12.5 years (Lilly was 15 years old when she passed).
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-19-2014, 02:29 PM
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Rascal was three when we head to put Winston to sleep. Rascal and Winston were best friends from the moment I brought Rascal home. He is now five years old and still not the same cat that he was. He found a stray that he likes to play with and my parents feed. He is a little bit more like himself

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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-19-2014, 04:11 PM
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This is so terribly sad and sweet. My sister just went through this with her 2 dogs. They constantly fought the entire 13 years they were together. Viciously at times I might add. So much that she had to separate them with a baby gate most of the time. When she had to put one to sleep, the other one constantly walked around looking for him. Even 3 months later, he still looks down the hallway wondering where his nemesis is at meal time.

She had one vet tell her that some feel that when one companion dies that, if at all possible, it should be done where the living animal can see and sniff the dead one. That it gives them closure and KNOW what happened to them. Has anyone ever heard of this?

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-19-2014, 05:53 PM
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We took Midnight with us, when we had to let go of our Lilly. I don't know if she knew or not, but I wanted her to be there too.
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