I'm going to write a book here, I'm sure, I apologize. I'd like to say "thanks" in advance to anyone willing to get through it.
Well, it's been almost two months with Kiki and I am sad to say I don't think I will be able to integrate her into the family.
We made a lot of progress (so I thought) but have had some pretty awful setbacks recently.
I had them eating within sight of each other, swapped areas, sock smells etc. Kiki was comfortable enough and so she decided she wanted out of her room. It's been about two weeks now and everything seemed to be going ok. We've had the typical issues with territory, as expected.
We live in a split-level ranch. The living areas are all on the second floor, the first floor has the utility room, which is where the cat boxes are located. When Kiki is out of her room she claims this area as hers. She will sleep on the couch down there and I hear her running around, playing with toys. (She is also clawing the carpet, I assume that is her asserting ownership of the area.) Kiki prefers to spend all of her time down there, if she is not in her room.
The big issue is when Lula and Milo go down there to use the boxes. Kiki will hide in the shadows and then stalk and attack them, fighting them all the way up the stairs. She will then go back downstairs and enjoy her victory. I've tried to be down there so that I can distract her while my other cats use the box, but this does not work. Lula will go after Kiki and they'll fight. Milo is not as brave, so he will get beat up all the way upstairs. This has only been getting worse now. Milo is avoiding the downstairs entirely and Lula has been pooping on the sofa that Kiki sleeps on. This has been a daily thing for the last few days. I am sure that Lula is fine and this is her way of trying to assert ownership over Kiki's newly claimed territory. (Kiki is still being locked up in her bedroom while I am at work.)
The past two evenings I have not been able to get Milo to come out from underneath the kitchen table. I have been carrying him downstairs to relieve himself (this is a cat that normally hates to be carried.) This evening, I noticed that he just seems depressed. He does not play with Da Bird - and sits staring down the hall towards Kiki's room, or at the stairs as if she is there. I carried him downstairs and he used the box right away and then Kiki came into the utility room. I picked Kiki up and Milo went to make his escape - Kiki jumped out of my arms and went full speed ahead after Milo. She had him on the stairs attacking him. (I could kill my fiance for not telling me he opened Kiki's door!) I intervened because she had a hold of Milo. I didn't yell - I just grabbed Kiki and took her to her room. She bit me pretty bad on the hand several times before I could get her in there. (I broke a cat-fight rule - so I only blame myself - boy did that hurt!)
I guess I am at the point where I feel defeated. Milo, my super friendly lover-boy, has changed into a big scaredy-cat. He doesn't greet me anymore, look for lovins', go to bed with us anymore, and has been waiting for me to take him down in order to use his box. My fiance absolutely does not want a litterbox upstairs - which was my first suggestion when he noticed Milo acting funny about going downstairs.
I have Kiki scheduled to get spayed in two weeks on my scheduled week-day off of work, but am going to switch things around to try for next week. In the meantime I'm going to have to keep Kiki in her room, as much as I hate the thought.
My fiance wants me to give her back to my brother, but is willing to wait until I get her spayed in order to do so. I feel so horrible about this situation. It just seems to me that she might be one of those "one cat" kind of kitties (she was ok at my brother's house with her son and his two dogs though.)
Not to mention, we are getting married in June and will be gone on the honeymoon for 10 days after. The way things look now - there's no way I can enjoy being away knowing that we could have major issues going on in the house.
I am heartbroken at the thought of giving up. My fiance is very upset - he doesn't think it is very fair to Milo for him to be so uncomfortable in the house that he used to love so much. (I forgot to mention, Milo started "spraying" too.)
I guess the big question I have is if she will calm down after her surgery. I am thinking the fear in Milo might be too far gone at this point that even if she is a "new cat" after healing - he might provoke more attacks by showing fear.
What a mess.