HELP! My cat hates me.:( - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2017, 01:44 AM Thread Starter
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HELP! My cat hates me.:(

So I've moved into my boyfriends apartment recently and I finally slowly introduced my one year old bengal female cat to his 6 month old tabby male. I know it of course will take time to get them to get use to each other but it just seems like it's been getting worse. I've noticed my cat is scared of him and she's even pooped and peed her self around him. My boyfriend and I keep Slowly trying to introduce them everyday to each other. His kitten is very calm and just looks at her and she just keeps hissing and growling and wanting to hide from him. She's began to attack me and she never use to do that . She isn't her self anymore and it's very upsetting to see her always hidden and never around playing like she use to. I hate having to discipline her I would just let her know she did something wrong and put her in her cage for a little bit. as I never use to do that to her tho. She was always a good kitty she would never want to attack me or bite me. Please help!!
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2017, 11:23 AM
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I think you should start completely over following these guidelines:

Cat-to-Cat Introductions ? Jackson Galaxy

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2017, 12:39 PM
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and plug in lots of feliway diffusers if you haven't already.


maybe try putting her in her carrier as well someplace nice and high where she can observe everyone from above at a safe distance. probably wouldn't advise anyone even paying attention to her up there while she gets to observe for a while undisturbed. i had an animal communicator suggest this among other things and it kept my kitty calm. i think it can help.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2017, 10:29 AM
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Hi Ella19 and welcome to the forum !

I want to say immediately that this situation is more complex than introducing two unrelated cats to each other.

It might help resolve your frustration (and, I suspect your boyfriend's) with this new behaviour if you were to try and put yourself in your kitty's situation: her entire world - as she knew it - was taken away from her, and she has found herself in brand new, unfamiliar surroundings (remember, she only has sensory perceptions, scents, odours, 'smells', aounds etc. ...she cannot rationalize the situation as you might/would).....and, on top of all that, there's this strange cat she's forced to deal with (after, presumably, having previously lived by herself). I'm not at all surprised by her response to all this.

It's very sad that she has been so upset that she has been incontinent at times.

I'd say that you need to give her her own space in the apartment - perhaps one room could be hers and the new cat kept out from there...? She really needs a safe space for (at least) a solid/lengthly period of time allowing her a real opportunity to adjust and settle. That separate space should contain her own food, water and litter facilities......I would put any and all of her own "things" in there with her along with something(s) from your old place (preferably things that hold scents) that she's familiar with. (I think you should do this without a timeline attached. It may take an extended period of time for her to settle in. Allow her to tell you when she's ready to expand those boundaries.)

Quote:
I hate having to discipline her I would just let her know she did something wrong and put her in her cage for a little bit.
Now, to me the very thought or suggestion of that is even more disturbing. She's done absolutely nothing wrong....none of this is her fault! What has happened/is happening is the result of humans not understanding what such a change can mean to a cat and consequently not adequately managing the change from the cat's perspective. (I'm not blaming, btw...it's "simply" a question of "Who knew?") I once had the same experience as you: A long time ago, I made a major move with a cat....and learned a lot as a result - all of that learning came during and after the move, so I do have an understanding here.

I'd also suggest that you "delete" the concept of "disciplining" cats.......it does not "work"....period. (and, that's not even mentioning the cruelty involved!)

I'm hoping that helps !

Last edited by marie73; 09-15-2017 at 11:25 AM.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-18-2017, 07:37 PM
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I think Stryker has some good points. I have a mother and son. I have to tell you the male is about to go through his teenage years. Mine was a real bully to my mama cat. He has mellowed some so she got some confidence back but still she prefers to sleep in the garage then to be with him in the house over night. She needs to feel safe.
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