I'm sorry the emergency vet in your area is so terrible. Don't feel bad about not taking her sooner - in your shoes, I wouldn't risk it either.
Some things I'd recommend are getting Revolution for the fleas + ear mites. It's not cheap, but I've heard nothing but great things about it. Advantage II is also good imo, but it only works for fleas and, like Revolution, is also expensive.
Otherwise, it sounds like you're doing a lot of good things to help her. Just let her take it easy, maybe try and have the house as calm and quiet as possible. Perhaps feeding her several times throughout the day (in small portions) could help as well..?
Proud parent of Scamper (age 12) and Robin (age 4)
At the rainbow bridge: Slippy, Faramir, Gabriel, Lucky, Ammy