Do you hate it when people blame you for a pet's death? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-11-2014, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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Do you hate it when people blame you for a pet's death?

I've been reading up a lot of threads for kitties and dogs that got run over (since I recently had a similar incident), and I noticed that a lot blamed it on the owners - even going to the point of insults. I even saw that some people blamed the owners for putting a kitty down.

I know that there are risks to letting a cat outdoor, but a lot of people did the same thing (or, they did an indoor/outdoor thing) and I know how happy my street kitty looks when she plays outside. I think every owner would feel guilty at some point, and I think it's ridiculously insensitive for people to make them feel even worse about themselves. I still beat myself up for not being home soon and removing my kitty from the street.
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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-11-2014, 08:21 PM
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I am an indoor/outdoor kitty person. If I planned on getting a kitten I guess I would try the indoor route since I have a darn litter box anyway. Some people are very at home with the risks of an outdoor cat but feel the cat would be miserable otherwise. I once had a cat that was miserable indoors and it was like he was dying inside. You know I have felt guilty with a few of my animals thinking I didn't notice signs of illness early enough or not handling it right. The guilt does no good. We go through life and try to learn as we go. We make mistakes. If I came back in another life I would still make mistakes, hopefully they would be different ones. I am doing the best I can. I live with that (and guilt.) When one loses a loved one, it won't be me that points any fingers at them. And I do worry about my kitties.
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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-11-2014, 10:02 PM
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If I chose to let my cats or dogs wander loose outside and something happened to them (hit by car, attacked by animal, etc) it would be my fault and I'd feel totally responsible. If someone accidentally slipped out the door and I couldn't catch them and something bad happened then I'd consider it a horrible accident, but not my fault.
Others may feel differently, but I fully believe that the owner is at fault and responsible for anything that goes wrong when they make the choice to let their pet wander unsupervised. I would never insult someone grieving over a loss, but these things are almost always 100% preventable by just keeping a pet contained either indoors or on a leash or tether.


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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-11-2014, 10:43 PM
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That's a tough one - I'm sure people feel bad enough and having insensitive people make comments really doesn't help... but I agree with Kayla. If one of my pets got hit by a car, I would feel responsible and awful.
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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-12-2014, 12:09 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kayla baxter View Post
If I chose to let my cats or dogs wander loose outside and something happened to them (hit by car, attacked by animal, etc) it would be my fault and I'd feel totally responsible. If someone accidentally slipped out the door and I couldn't catch them and something bad happened then I'd consider it a horrible accident, but not my fault.
Others may feel differently, but I fully believe that the owner is at fault and responsible for anything that goes wrong when they make the choice to let their pet wander unsupervised. I would never insult someone grieving over a loss, but these things are almost always 100% preventable by just keeping a pet contained either indoors or on a leash or tether.


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I agree with all this. I'm not saying it is or isn't anyone's fault if their cat was hit by a car (or whatever else c an happen when they are allowed out)... I'm saying this is how *I* would feel if it happened to mine. I would feel completely responsible.

Last edited by MowMow; 02-12-2014 at 12:12 AM.
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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-12-2014, 01:31 AM
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If your going to have pets and let them have the run of the great outdoors, you need to realize there may be very sad consequences...and be able to bear the pain that may come of it...

Sometimes it takes losing a pet to make some people wake up...
Its a horrible harsh lesson that life deals out...
But its effect, is to make a much more watchful caring owner for future pets.

There are sadly, some people who never get it and it is their pets that pay the price...time after time...

All of that being said, I don't think being 'Snarky' at a time when someone has posted their cat was killed by a vehicle or poison or all the other ways that a cat can meet its end, is showing any empathy...

Animals do escape...remember this,
if you are someone who would use such a sad post to further 'punish'
someone...
It might be your very well cared for indoor cat only--That door dashes one day, and ends up with a sad ending...
How would you like to be treated at such a sad time?

Just my personal thoughts on this subject...

"A Cat must have three different names:
An everyday family name; A particular name;
And the name but the Cat Himself Knows, and will never confess." T.S. Eliot

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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-12-2014, 02:46 AM
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To be honest, this is why lots of the indoor/outdoor threads get closed. Some people post about how they'd rather have their cats be happy and "free", even if it means possibly a shorter life, then they come back and post how devastated they are and expect tons of sympathy when their cat is killed or never comes back home, and they don't get the reactions they expected. Some people just aren't that understanding when you make that choice. And we do have members of both camps here.

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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-12-2014, 02:57 AM
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If you as the owner are making a decision to let the cat out, then you must bear the consequences if something bad happens. But I don't agree with being mean to people who just lost their pet. If I were annoyed by the situation, I probably wouldn't even post anything rather than saying "I told you so."
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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-12-2014, 03:31 AM
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Like others have said I would probably feel guilty if it was my cat, but it's a choice every owner makes and we'll have to live with the consequences of our choices.

I do think it's wrong to make the owners feel more guilty or even insult someone who's grieving. That's just not fair and completely unnecessary. But at the same time you can't expect people to say, it's ok, it could have happened to anyone or similar posts, but I think you can expect sympathy and understanding of how hard it is to lose a beloved pet.


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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-12-2014, 06:10 AM
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yea, choices have consequences.

I think it's cruel and heartless to "insult" or "put down" or "lecture" someone who is grieving their loss! No matter how that loss happened, it is a loss, there is grief and if you feel you don't have sympathy, then you need to shut up. Your opinion doesn't NEED to be blurted out at every opportunity.

To me and many others that don't hang out on this site, keeping a cat bottled up indoors, only allowed to peer out the windows and wish they could have some fresh air is downright cruel.
Yes there are cats that are quite happy to stay inside, I own one but she'll still sit out on the patio every now and then for some fresh air.

Cats need to be outside once in a while at the very least. This is why cats end up with "behavioral" issues.
The cat will start peeing outside the litter box, for no known reason. Or a cat will start marking territory or the cat might start tearing things up, get grumpy with the other cats, not want to eat, etc. Oh, there is Feliway and drugs the vet can supply to maybe help, but drugs have very real dangers and side effects! I hear people on here preach about every calorie they put in their cat's mouth and it has to be this and that for optimum health, but will think nothing of giving heavy duty antidepressants to a cat??! Seriously? The mind boggles.

I don't say anything 99% of the time (I use to but just quit). I realized that if I had nothing nice to say, meaning sympathetic to the poster, then my opinion and or lecture just wasn't needed, and all would be better off if I just shut up and move on and let others, that do empathise, reply.

I love the people here that are tough as nails, no bending, no sympathy, they know it all and feel everyone should know and have foreseen. Life is going to serve a big helping of humility one day, and I surely hope they aren't faced with such cold and callus responses. It isn't nice at all.
There is a place and a time for everything. Grieving is not the time for callus remarks, lectures, "I told ya so's" and insults. It IS a time to be mature and either be sympathetic and try to ease the posters pain OR shut it up and move on to another topic.


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