Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: South Wales, UK
The Sixth Epistle of Sheba
The Sixth Epistle of Sheba
I have told you about the horror of the twins. Local legend has it that there was once an even worse cat living here.
The dog (my dog, whom I keep clean in the face of dealing with a huge tongue) once sniffed out a nursing queen and four kittens that had been abandoned in a downpour, in a soggy cardboard box. Whilst one of the servants rang for her son to bring a car to transport the box and its contents home, the other took the dog some distance away.
The temptation of the box proved too great, however, and the dog soon came galloping back straight down a steep hill. Having an inadequate braking system, the infamous nose collided at speed with the box, catapulting a kitten, who was trying to climb out, directly over a fence. This led to one servant also getting over the fence – albeit with less panache – while shrieking for the other servant to come and get the dog who at that point was risking getting the very same nose ripped off by attempting to introduce herself to a soggy and defensive nursing queen. Even dogs with a good heart are totally devoid of common sense and, as a mother myself, I can categorically state that throwing kittens over a fence is not a socially acceptable activity.
The servant who was trying to retrieve the catapulted kitten – as opposed to the one who was trying to break the record for a 400 metre race whilst wearing wellies and an all enveloping waterproof – did manage to get hold of her son who duly turned up to collect the box and its contents. By the time he got back with the box, his offspring (he and his mate have three kittens) were all waiting on the servants’ doorstep to meet the new arrivals.
The family was duly moved into a bedroom, being allowed down for socialisation time when the other cats and the dog were duly out of the way. At first the mother cat was exemplary – probably not as good as me but perfectly adequate. Well before it was time to wean the little ones, she did, however, become tired of the responsibilities of motherhood – something I do not understand and should the Great Mother be listening in, I am sure she would agree.
Her growing lack of maternalism manifested itself in the unfortunate habit of kitten hurling. Servants and resident cats alike were frequently startled by a variety of yowls coming from upstairs followed by the thumping noise of a kitten being used as a projectile. I suppose the early experience one had had with the dog stood him in good stead.
When time for weaning came, it was apparently hard to say who was more relieved, the kittens, the servants or the mother cat! Motherhood is clearly not for all. When I finish my epistles, perhaps I should consider writing a tome on how to be a perfect mother whilst still remaining young, fresh, adorable and cute.
With kittens duly re-homed (two of them with the servant’s son and his family) and the mother spayed the servants hoped to introduce her slowly to other residents – they had already been swapping blankets and other such things and there had been limited contact under the door. I am glad I was not around when this happened. I think she must have still been bearing a grudge against the Tom who got her pregnant in the first place. She liked the servants – they bear food and are very good at giving rubs so what isn’t there to like? She quickly learned to tolerate the dog. BUT, however slowly they went she HATED all other cats.
According to the servants, she displayed the social skills of Jack the Ripper. I have no idea who Jack the Ripper was but if he was as bad as her, he must have been really bad – probably the sort who sprays everywhere.
In order to spare the cats currently resident at the time it was decided to re-home her – it says a great deal that they were willing to swap her for any two others! This is actually when Baz (the giant idiot) and Becky (the witch) entered the picture. The servants went to visit her a few times before she got her forever home. The hotel’s best efforts had failed as well and her pen was labelled, not only with her story but with the notice, “Good with children, can live with a dog, NOT ALLOWED WITH OTHER CATS!”
It makes me feel that living with a giant idiot or even with twins is actually quite a good thing!
Fond regards and purrs.