My sweet Angel will soon be saying goodbye - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
 
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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My sweet Angel will soon be saying goodbye

Hello All,

i just needed to release the emotions within me and you have always been so supportive on this forum.
I have been so blessed that Angel came into my life 5 years ago. she developed kidney issues 4 years ago and has been stable with all the meds and treatment i was giving her. but her kidneys are tired and they began to call it quits 2 weeks ago. the vet says it may be as soon as 10 days for her due to his assessment of the lab results from dec 10 and again dec 22. i am trying to be upbeat for her for as long as she can be with me, but the tears sometimes cannot be held back.

i want to take her on more car rides with me so she can see more of the world outside while she can. she has always seemed to enjoy looking out the windows at all the sights going by. she's filled my life with so much love. i don't know how i'm going to cope eventually and i'm trying so hard not to even think about it. thank you for listening.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:07 PM
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Oh Maggie, I am so sorry. I have always admired her in your avatar, and am heartbroken to hear she's declining... especially so close to Christmas. I hope her last days are filled with love and happiness, like her life with you has been. Just think about how lucky Angel is to have found you--without your love and care for her kidney issues, her odds of surviving this long would have been low. Lots of hugs from Ohio.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-24-2016, 11:42 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you so much, Mandy and Ellie.

i have been on Tanya's website everyday since the vet told me it could be 10 days. i remain hopeful even now, though, after reading so much on the site about success stories and all the treatments that are mentioned that helped to lower those out of whack BUN, Creatinine and phosphorus levels. i've been increasing her phosphorus binder and have started up b12 injections again for her anemia. just trying to keep up with all the recommendations. she has fully 14 various meds, supplements, injections, etc...that i give her every single day now. i just want her to feel good again. my little baby girl.

Thanks again. Kind words and thoughts are really helping me though this.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-25-2016, 03:56 PM
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Maggie,

I am so sorry that you and Angel are going through this. I went through it with my sweet boy Tiger in 2013 and it was devastating.
Mandy and Ellie is right, Angel was so lucky to have found you. You have given her a wonderful home and a wonderful life. I hope that she improves with the treatments that you are doing and that you have more quality time together.

Judy
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-25-2016, 10:28 PM Thread Starter
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thank you, judy.

i am trying everything i can still. just joined Tanya's CKD support group as well and posted a bunch of questions there. still waffling on timing to help her pass if she needs it. so up and down. for most of the day she was not well - even more listless than before, weaker hindquarters, peed twice on blankets, hiding, ate very little, etc...
at 5pm as i was getting her dinner ready, boom! she's out of hiding and sitting pretty and alert waiting for her food. even used the litterbox properly. still has weak hindquarters, of course, but still, it was so nice to see her awake. staying as upbeat as i can for her so she can be happy, too.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 07:56 PM
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I am so, so sorry to hear this maggie. She is a gorgeous kitty! Four years with kidney issues is a tremendous testament to your dedication to her. I lost one of my kitties 2 years ago, very suddenly, and when I hear about situations like yours, I always wonder whether it would have been worse for me to know that I was going to lose her. It must be so awful to know that you've been given a limited amount of time. I know you're making the most of it. Please try to focus on the happiness you've brought each other. And take lots of pics. I found it so awful, and yet so comforting at the same time, to have all of my pics to look through.

Sending hugs and wishing you strength.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-01-2017, 05:54 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you, Spirite.

i wanted to provide an update here for anyone else struggling with the decision on when to call it quits.

i've been on such a rollercoaster about when to say the actual goodbye for the past week or so. but it feels more like a month rather than just 10 days because of how many times i've gone back and forth in my heart and mind about it. i feel bad for being like the girl who cried wolf, but i did actually just cancel the appointment i had for the vet to come to the house tomorrow to perform the euthenasia. i also hate to have Angel feel my indecision so much because i don't want to give her any stress. i swear after i got off the phone with the vet to make the appointment yesterday that Angel was relieved, though. she actually came sauntering out of her hole where she'd been hiding for so much of the day these past weeks and came straight over to me and sat by my chair for a minute to let me pet her, then even climbed up onto the bed and slept with me all night. and she hasn't done that for probably the past 10 days. i've been reading all the stories i can from everyone on this forum and Tanya's CKD support group as well about how to tell when it's time, and after observing Angel again today, i just couldn't do it.

the positives are:
1. she has shown me that she does still like my company by sleeping with me last night and purring like crazy as we spooned and i kissed and pet her all night long.
2. she is eating pretty well (maybe 90% of her normal intake) even without the appetite stimulant anymore. she does want different food than her normal stuff, but she eats with gusto when she gets it.
3. she is using the peepads perfectly. i think the weakness in her back legs makes it more difficult to step into the litterbox itself, but she has learned to at least go to it and then do her business on the peepads next to it.
4. shows no signs of pain like meowing at least
5. she seems very alert to me

i feel like the only negatives right now are:
1. her weak back legs. it hurts me to see her back legs slip out from under her every once in a while, but she doesn't seem to notice much or be in pain because of it
2. peeing much more often (i've changed her subQ fluids to 2-3 times/day in smaller amounts from the full 150 ml all at once to keep her hydrated more evenly throughout the day, too - and i wanted to reduce the risk of taxing her heart with the full amount all at once just in case)
3. still does stay in her quiet hole under a covered bench for much of the day, but i can't tell if that's more because she just wants to stay out of cold, drafty, loud areas or if it's because she doesn't feel good (i have put an electric blanket in there to keep her arthritic joints warm and the first time i did that, she came out a little while later and walked down the stairs all by herself. she snuck up behind me where i was lying on the floor petting my other cat. she appeared suddenly at my right shoulder, hissed at Olivia, then proceeded to drink from Olivia's water fountain as if to say, I'm back B---h! it made me so happy!)

some of the reasons for the rollercoaster have been all the additional meds and supplements i've been given by the vet to administer. they've caused so many different side effects that have made me think on and off that she was in her final days. for instance, the buprenex for pain was way too much for her and i think it made her so groggy that she couldn't even get up to go to the litterbox so she ended up peeing on blankets where she lay at least 4 times before i completely stopped the buprenex. then the inappropriate peeing stopped. i was told as well that the appetite stimulant COULD also cause a little grogginess since it is an anti-histamine so luckily i was able to stop that as well without her losing her appetite again. also, the increased phosphorus binder i was giving her caused constipation, so i feel that was making her appear more listless. i increased the miralax and squash and she has been going to the bathroom more regularly again. the electric blanket was another thing - not vet related, but important all the same. when i turned up the heat more and provided electric blankets for her, she seemed to limber up a little more and was more mobile again. i started her on B12 injections along with some oral B-complex, too, and that could be helping her aneamia, listlessness, and weak back legs.

so just some thoughts and observations from me in the hopes that it helps others in the future when the time comes for their own furkids.
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