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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-14-2003, 07:51 PM Thread Starter
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To Our Furry Friends:

Dear Dogs and Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the objective. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; feline presence is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go check out another cat's bottom.
I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs and cats are better than kids in some ways. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about
buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and
don't need a gazillion dollars for college!


__________________________________________________ __________




Jeanie

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A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem. ~Jean Burden
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-14-2003, 08:41 PM
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Ha ha ha!So funny and so true! I like this so much Jeanie. The guests coming and complainig really bother me. It is really the pets' house and not theirs to come and order them around; and besides they are not doing anything wrong - on the opposite they are only trying to be affectionate! Animals are making my heart melt!

explore, doubt and discover for yourself what is the truth.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-14-2003, 09:21 PM Thread Starter
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I would give credit to the author, but the truth is I received this as a forward in my email, and enjoyed it!




Jeanie

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A dog, I have always said, is prose; a cat is a poem. ~Jean Burden
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-14-2003, 10:56 PM
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And I did too ...therefore we thank you, Unknown Author!

explore, doubt and discover for yourself what is the truth.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-16-2003, 06:15 AM
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Very cute and true in all ways. Thank you for sharing....!!!!!

"My boyfriend is a darling but he can never take a place of my cats"

Anonymous?
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-16-2003, 06:42 AM
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Cute!
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-16-2003, 11:20 AM
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Awesome, Jeanie!!
One of my big pet peeves is anyone coming into my house and saying anything even remotely bad about Velvet or even cats in general. Maybe I should hang a copy of these rules for non-pet owners in a very prominent spot.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-16-2003, 08:08 PM
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Quote:
I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
This is my favorite, hahahahahha.

"Good Kitty, Samhainy."
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 09-29-2003, 02:15 AM
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That reminds me when I had a friends over several months back when Kali was still only about 3 months old (very playful and curious), she went and sat on my friends back end (we were laying on our stomachs playing cards) and after a few minutes my friend either got her off or kali walked off. Either way she came to me and sat on my butt and I laughed because it sort of tickled and my friends looked at me funny. They weren't too happy when Kali kept trying to play cards with us but I just laughed because I thought it was neat that she wanted to check out what we were so interested in. I agree, if they have problem with your animals, they shouldn't complain. I don't go over to someones house for dinner and complain about the cooking, even if it is bad. I love my animals more than I like a lot of people like it says in there, so you better suck up and be nice to my cats if you want to remain on my good side. LMFAO I thank Jeanie and the unknown author for the few minutes of entertainment that brought.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 10-23-2003, 06:52 PM
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That was hilarious! Can you imagine me giggling to myself as I read this and looking crazy to others right now! I definitely dont want to be licked after Twinkie or Sugar has cleaned their bottom, but I dont have to worry about Twinkie as much b/c he never cleans his or so I think! Thanks for posting this
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