A Cat's Prayer
Although I am too proud to beg, and may appear to be a very independent creature, I ask for your loving care and attention.
Translation: I'm the boss, serve me.
I rely on you for my well being much more than you may realise.
Translation: Go out and earn money to keep me in the style to which I intend to become accustomed.
This I promise you, my benefactor, that I will not be a burden on you nor will I demand more of you than you care to give.
Translation: The more attention I get, the more I want. You may have to hire another slave for me (by the way, I lie!).
I will be a quiet peaceful island of serenity for you to gaze upon; a soft soothing body to caress, and I shall purr with pleasure to rest your weary ears.
Translation: I will tear round the house smashing ornaments at 3 a.m., infest the house with fleas, and bite your mother when she comes to visit (did I mention that I lie?).
Since I am a gourmet who appreciates different taste sensations, I pray you will give me a variety of nutritious foods and fresh water daily.
Translation: I need Evian water, changed at least six times per day, chilled but not too cold. Any food offerings that you make, no matter how expensive, will be turned down if I think there is a chance that I can scrounge the three day old bread that next door put out for the birds.
You know dear friend, how I love to sleep. Allow me, I pray, a warm sheltered place where I can rest peacefully and feel secure.
Translation: Don't you dare wake me, I know where you sleep, and will get revenge - claw type bloody revenge!
If I am wounded in battle or suffering from disease, please tend me gently, and see that I am treated by loving and competent hands.
Translation: I reserve the right to mangle the most expensive hands you hire to treat me.
Please protect me from the inhuman humans who would hurt and torture me for their own amusement. I am accustomed to your gentle touch and am not always suspicious nor swift enough to avoid such malicious acts.
Translation: If you ever find out that it was me who bit your mother's thumb and gave her tetanus, I'll have to claim that she woke me up when I was having a bad dream.
In my later years when my senses fail me and my infirmities become to great to bear, allow me the comfort and dignity that I desire for my closing days and help me gently in my pain or passing.
Translation: When I've had enough of being pampered, please send me to my next reincarnation, where I look forward to being satisfactorily served once more.
Hear this prayer, my dear friend, my fate depends on you.
Translation: I might just accept you as slave, if you behave yourself.