Cat Got Your Tounge? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2004, 07:27 AM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Cat Got Your Tounge?

Got this in an e-mail this morning and had to share:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate
my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the
next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the
bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal
is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a
second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I
remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.

No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal
teeth.

It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects
she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner
and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment
when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly
rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with
a fight or flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the
"flight" option.

I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when
the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The
impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are
not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here, done-that"
paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work,
all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... and not
succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back
in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of
me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to
talk about. Which it was.

"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"

If they only knew...
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2004, 08:34 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: southern Maine
Posts: 2,604
Send a message via AIM to spacemonkey Send a message via Yahoo to spacemonkey
Ahahahahahahahahah!!!!! Oh, that's so awful! (I can laugh 'cause I'm not a guy). Ahahahahahahaha
spacemonkey is offline  
post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2004, 05:32 PM
Premier Cat
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Austin, Tx
Posts: 11,281
That was hilarious! I can imagine myself being the whiny wife hehe, I'm going to forward this to my bf. Thanks for the laugh
kitkat is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-14-2004, 08:21 PM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 364
LoL That was good!!
CatLover is offline  
post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-15-2004, 08:16 AM
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 207
That was funny, but OUCH! Thanks for sharing.
BlueAnimal is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome