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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-04-2004, 04:18 PM Thread Starter
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New! Miracle Cat Diet!

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!

Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food -- any flavor as long as it cost more than .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of
water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.




Jeanie

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-05-2004, 01:33 AM
 
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That one made me laugh ... and laugh ... So true!
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-05-2004, 02:36 AM
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Oh how I hate those dried hard wet food
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-12-2004, 08:02 AM
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Miracle diet

That's so true
Another great breakfast idea is to have some toast and marmite in bed - lick off all the butter and marmite and leave the toast on the plate.

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-12-2004, 01:53 PM Thread Starter
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I can picture that one too!




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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2004, 12:16 AM
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Hey seashell,

I have seen Marmite for sale in the UK import section at my grocery store. What does it taste like? Is it anything like the Aussie's Vegemite?

"Good Kitty, Samhainy."
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2004, 12:55 AM
 
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Here is the explanation coming from our own dear Sam - we had a late night talk (late for me ) about vegemite and marmite and she explained it in the following way:

page one :

https://www.catforum.com/viewtopic.php?t ... e&start=30

page two:

https://www.catforum.com/viewtopic.php?t ... e&start=45
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2004, 08:56 AM
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Diet ideas

Iona - thanks for answering the Marmite question for me..I haven't been on for a while.
Jimmy has another great diet idea- but that's to do with another UK product. Do you have Bounty deserts where you are? They are like chocolate mousse on the bottoma and creamy coconut flavour mousse on the top.
Well for Jimmy's diet what you do is hang around demanding a helping of the coconut mousse (yes, coconut ). Act like the person who is eating it is your best friend in the world. Then as soon as they get down to the chocolate bit, just stalk off and ignore them

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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 10-22-2004, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Sounds like something Checkers (Bridge kitty) would have done to me! She really disliked me, but couldn't resist the food. Then she looked as if she'd compromised her principles (which she had!) and, giving me a stare that only a cat can give, took off like a bat out of a cannon! She was one of my characters!




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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-30-2004, 05:44 AM
 
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Minority my little kitten is like that. He started eating by stealing a chip at 4 weeks old. Promptly took it off him, and started him on kitten food (the wet kind) and he starts eating the adult food. Also, cats seems to like lasagna (sp?) but hate pasta. Or at least ours do.
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