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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 10:59 AM Thread Starter
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Why are there no answers?

I don’t know what’s going on with my family lately but good lord I wish it would stop. I need a breather.

First it was my uncle, doing things he should have never done and even forced the oldest kid into helping him do it behind my aunt’s back. That drama is still going on two years later and though she’s been separated from him since then she’s never filed for divorce. Then her oldest constantly cons her into things, steals just makes her life horrible and stressful, the middle child starts then following in his sister’s footsteps and causing unneeded grief to my aunt’s life. She’s now filing for divorce and living with my parents as she’ll be moving back east with her youngest to start her life over again and get away from her two other children.

Then the drama with my other aunt and uncle, trying to help out their kids, watching the grandkids while two of their sons have marriage problems, taking the one son back in even because of his wife’s constant cheating around their young daughter and then blaming him for it. The other son is having problems with his wife and she was finally committed for a few days. The whole time the two children of this son stayed with my aunt so that son and wife didn’t have to worry about them while they tried to figure things out. Well now wife is ripping apart aunt and uncle for spreading these vicious lies about her to the family, and is telling the two kids that grandma and grandpa are bad people and they won’t be seeing them anymore. There aren’t lies if they are true and she wasn’t spreading them she was informing the rest of the family what was going on like most families do. She’s taken their kids and cared for them like this on more then one occasion and this is how they thank them every time. So she’s now done with being nice.

My Pop then is diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He’s fainting and has a hard time even drinking from a glass now. He looses his license to drive but he hasn’t driven for a few weeks now since he was told about it to avoid putting my Nan’s and other people’s life in danger if he’s to suddenly faint again or something while driving. Now he’s an outdoorsy person, always in boat, out in the shed, walking around just enjoying what’s around him. I felt this would kill him and began to decline myself thinking all these awful things. I have a very close relationship with my grandparents and anything like this kills me, even if it’s something as a little as a cold, I know their getting older and their time here shorter. Now we find out the doctors don’t think its Parkinson’s disease but aren’t sure what it is that’s causing him such trouble moving around so suddenly, the fainting, his blackened and swollen feet etc. My folks flew out there to be with them for a week and to put rails and the like in the bathroom and bedroom, buy him some special cups (sippy cups only adult size), a walking stick and to help them out.

We felt we were done after all of this and were calming down now knowing Pop didn’t have PD. But no, this weekend what do I find out? My Nan is having some sort of mental instability. Apparently this has been going on for weeks but neither was saying anything, until they spoke to an aunt of my mom’s but told her not to tell the rest of the family. Well she did and my uncle, their son who is the only child of there’s that still lives down there drops everything at work and drives out to spend Friday and the weekend with them and to report back to the family up here exactly what’s going on. It’s bad. My uncle said they were sitting in the living room watching TV during the late evening when my Pop suddenly asks “What’s wrong? What are you seeing now?” My uncle has no clue what’s going on but listens and keeps quiet; he assumed Pop saw a weird look on her face that must appear when she sees something. “There’s a picture in the window” and then would go on telling Pop and my uncle who she was seeing in the window, usually a long dead relative. A picture to her is an image, like a face. She was seeing someone’s face looking at her through the window. But the weird thing was after she tells them who she’s seeing she goes back to watching TV like nothing’s wrong or weird.

This has been happening weeks, she’s seeing dead relatives/strange people in the windows, in the closet, sitting on the toilet in the bathroom etc. She says she’s not afraid of them but she can’t sleep because “how would you feel if people where staring at you when you were trying to sleep?” So in a way isn’t she a little afraid of it? It doesn’t make sense. She said she saw a bunch of people in the closet and the more stuff she ripped out of the closet the more people she found, says the hamper moves towards her when she’s taking a nap and then moves away, Pop’s truck is going back and forth on the street but no on is driving it, hears/sees the doorknobs moving and jiggling. Everyone finally talks her into getting to the doctor who says this is an affect to a medication she was on back in the winter for a cold. She’s been off it for weeks and we were told it only stays in the system for a week after the last pill is taken. So what does he do? He gives her more pills to take to stop this entire seeing dead people thing. Only this one causes nervousness among a few other things and is a medication for people with schizophrenia or psychotic! It’s so strong they can only give .5mgs or something of it and can only prescribe it for up to two weeks at a time if not less. Shouldn’t they place her in a hospital until they see how this medication affects her instead of sending her back home with this potent thing where they are isolated because neither of them can now drive?! She’s on 14+ different medications, most of them she doesn’t even need the doctor just hands them out like candy to her! My Pop is also on medications but she’s in charge of them and has been known to double up on certain ones because she’s not feeling well or something. It’s scary to think she’s having these episodes and is in charge of their medications. My grandfather now sleeps with his walking stick beside the bed because he’s afraid of her. The whole family thinks she needs to be placed in a hospital until this is under control, what if she sees one of these faces on my Pop and feels like she needs to defend herself from it and seriously hurts or kills him?! She says she’d never do it but then she never thought she’d be seeing dead people either. She also says she won’t go into a hospital because who would take care of Pop? My mom told my uncle when she starts seeing things put her in the car and drive her to the hospital let them witness what’s going on but my Nan says that’s no good, she won’t see anything once she leaves the house.

I don’t know what to do or think. I can’t help, can’t make this better and it’s killing me. I can’t get comfort from my family, they aren’t the type to. There’s where my grandparents have always stood, telling my mother off when I’ve been so ill that I’ve slept in the bathroom for days and she’d give me no sympathy. So when I’m around them I have to crack jokes about it like everyone else, or just nod and agree. Then once I’m away I break down and cry, the OH actually had to take the car keys from me last night he was afraid I’d get into the car while I was so upset and get in an accident. He’s not sure how to make me feel better or what to do and I have no one to turn to. My grandparents are everything to me; I keep trying to figure out why this is all happening. And knowing I can’t go see them this summer because of the new job only makes it all worse and harder to swallow. I don't know why I'm posting it, maybe just to read that everything's going to be alright, maybe just to get it off my chest. Maybe to get some answers...
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 12:00 PM
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Lisa, it sounds like an overwhelming time for your family.

Is there a different doctor that your Nan and Pop can go to? Just having someone different take a look at their pills and stuff might be useful. Also, can they get a Home Health Nurse to come in (that would probably take a doctor's order) to do their meds for them, check on them, etc?

I wish I could make this time better for all of you.

(((((HUGS)))))))


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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 12:45 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks NLR and Leazie.

This is the second one and though he's yards better then the last he's told us that when he refuses to give anymore to my Nan she says she'll get it from someone else then and doesn't want her to get if off someone on the street. But my mother said she was going to call him and have a few words about it.

My uncle has decided he's going to fly down there today for a week or so to be with them and commit her, he's going to get a list of all of her medications. The whole family firmly believes she needs to be in a hospital right now, under the watch of doctors and nurses 24/7, weaned off of all of her medication and then slowly given some of them back as well as to get a grasp on what is happening. My uncle will stay home with my Pop while she's there until my Nan's sister comes back from the states.

We believe they can't be left alone right now, not with her life this, we don't know what might happen. I really hope this is just some reaction to all the medications she's on and the stress of my Pop being sick right now as well.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 12:50 PM
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Lisa, I'm sorry you're having a such a rough time, and all these things happening at once. The reason you can't find the answers is that you're asking the wrong question. You're wondering why this is happening to you as if there should be some reason is should. Since they're all bad things, that presupposes some fault of your own that you're getting punished for. The is NOT the case. There is no reason why these things are happening. They're just random. In some people's lives, bad things are bunched together; in some they're spread out; in some there aren't any. It's just the nature of randomness that some should get more than others, and get them all at once.

Instead of asking "why", try asking "what?" In other words: "what can I do to react to these situations in ways that I can make the best of them, or better yet, what can I do to alleviate them?"

You don't have any control over events, but you do have control over your own thoughts and if you just look at things from a different point of view, you don't feel so powerless. And once your thoughts are reoriented, then your actions follow.

Best wishes and good luck.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 01:24 PM
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Bless your heart! I agree that Nan needs to be hospitalized until the right medication is found and she is emotionally stable.

I am praying that you will have the strength to bear these terrible times in your family's lives and for your family's health and well being. God bless you!




Jeanie

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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 06:01 PM
 
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Lilac, please know that my very own sister was also "seeing dead people" for awhile. Her doctor is an internist & also a pill pusher, although I must say that my sister is not without fault as she thinks pills can cure whatever ails her and frequently asks her doc to try new drugs on her. Anyway, after a few weeks of seeing these various dead people she started to ween herself off some of her meds and..........WahLa, no more dead people sightings!
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-12-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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I had a similar situation with my grandma, she was taking too many pills, which my mother and I agreed with, but since she was my father's mother, my mom had to suffer in silence. And I'm a chemist, so when they named off the meds, I'd google them and be like, why is she taking that? She had some complication randomly and the doctors thought it'd be a good idea to put a pacemaker in, even though her heart was fine. She sadly passed this last Septemer, and I still harbor some ill feelings towards my father and his sister. They should have been more active in helping, not letting the docs do whatever.

However, one thing I learned, is that you CANNOT take the stress on to yourself. You will go crazy. Sometimes, you have to accept that although they are related to you, they aren't you, and you and your wellbeing is more important. You can't bear their problems on your shoulders, else you may discover that you've lost your life to worrying about things you can't control.

Focus on YOU first, and try to help out as needed. I hope your situation works out as best as it can.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-14-2008, 02:51 PM Thread Starter
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I know I shouldn't be blaming myself but I think its almost a normal human reactive for allot of people to do. I've sent a bunch a flowers to the house yesterday with a card signed by everyone up here encourgaing her and giving their well wishes. She got them today I'm told and she loves them.

My uncle flew down there monday night, dropped work and told them this was something he had to do, he's lucky that he's been working there for so long and does allot of extra work as some companies I'm sure would say well don't bother coming back. So he's been down there giving nightly reports to us and says she's going into the hospital today and will call later this evening and update everyone. I'm hoping all goes wells, she can be such a headstrong woman with these things but my uncle takes after her so I have a strong feeling she'll be going like it or not.


Thanks for the words of comfort and encouragement guys. it's really helped.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 05-14-2008, 03:56 PM
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I so hope he's successful. That would be such a relief to you. Praying for a good result.




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