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post #1 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 12:00 AM Thread Starter
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The Rules of Grammer

I realize we don't have spell-check on this Forum, but these rules may help some of us with our writing skills.

The Rules of Grammer

1. Always avoid alliteration.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague--they're old hat.
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
8. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
9. Contractions aren't necessary.
10. Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
11. One should never generalize.
12. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
14. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
15. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
16. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
17. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
18. Understatement is always best.
19. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
20. One-word sentences? Eliminate. Always!
21. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
22. The passive voice should not be used.
23. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
24. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
25. Who needs rhetorical questions?
26. Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.
27. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
28. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
28. Subject and verb always has to agree.
29. Be more or less specific.
30. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
31. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
32. Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
33. Don't be redundant.
34. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
35. Don't never use no double negatives.
36. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
37. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
38. Eschew obfuscation.
39. No sentence fragments.
40. Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
41. A writer must not shift your point of view.
42. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!
43. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
44. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
45. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
46. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
47. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
48. Always pick on the correct idiom.
49. The adverb always follows the verb.
50. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
51. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
52. And always be sure to finish what

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post #2 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 04:10 AM
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You miss-spelled grammar. Irony.
Still, very good though
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post #3 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 05:21 AM
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That made my brain hurt, and I found that I do a majority of the errors .


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post #4 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 08:04 AM
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Re: The Rules of Grammer

Quote:
Originally Posted by marie73


18. Understatement is always best.
19. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

HA! I actually use these rules when I teach professional / neutral writing for work. It makes me so sad when we get all the way to the end of the list and NO ONE IS EVEN CHUCKLING.

*sigh*
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post #5 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 09:53 AM
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Ooooooooo.....brain freeze! I got a chuckle out of #52! Reminds me of Heidi's saying in her signature block.
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post #6 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 10:00 AM
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Hehe, that's good! I'm sure I make more than a few of those mistakes, though.

It reminds me of a high school english teacher that, in response to the overwhelming improper use of the work "like", would butt in and ask "is that 'like' as in similar to or 'like' as in fond of?" anytime the word was used out of its proper context.

Like, you know, when those 11th grade kids would be like "and I was all like no way, and she was like yeah way." He like totally got everyone to stop saying "like"
Thank you Mr Z for not allowing us to sound like [as in similar to] a bunch of idiots.
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post #7 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 10:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nell
Hehe, that's good! I'm sure I make more than a few of those mistakes, though.

It reminds me of a high school english teacher that, in response to the overwhelming improper use of the work "like", would butt in and ask "is that 'like' as in similar to or 'like' as in fond of?" anytime the word was used out of its proper context.

Like, you know, when those 11th grade kids would be like "and I was all like no way, and she was like yeah way." He like totally got everyone to stop saying "like"
Thank you Mr Z for not allowing us to sound like [as in similar to] a bunch of idiots.
Sadly, he seems to be a rarity, and therefore 99% of the teenage population in the US AND the UK sound like [as in similar to] idiots.
In fact many of my peers do it as well.

People who do it regularly ought to have their tongues removed (or at least stretched).

I'm a grammar nazi, and proud of it.
Dodgy spelling is only excused if the person has dyslexia (and proves it).

The whole "like" thing is worse than saying the f word IMHO.

EDIT: Just to make it clear, ALL my "rules" are exempt for people for whom English is not their 1st language. Actually in those cases (most of the time), they speak better English than most.
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post #8 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 12:39 PM
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I would happy if people would spell correctly, start a sentence with a capital letter, end it with a period and occasionally use a comma here and there.


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post #9 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 01:35 PM
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That list is hilarious, Marie! I normally try to be careful with grammar and punctuation but have to admit that when I'm on the forum I don't really pay that much attention to it.

Thanks for a good chuckle this afternoon!

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodlebug
I would happy if people would spell correctly, start a sentence with a capital letter, end it with a period and occasionally use a comma here and there.
When I first began medical transcription my supervisor told me I was "comma happy." I was putting them all over the place! Medical transcription is weird because it's one of those things that sort of sets its own rules for some things. Too many commas are frowned upon, probably because it costs the client more money to pay us for comma overusage.
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post #10 of 77 (permalink) Old 05-29-2008, 01:46 PM
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Hopefully, my grammar and spelling isn't that bad (not that I worry about it on here) despite the fact I have dyslexia (and no Hugh, I'm not going to prove it ). My dyslexia - if anyone is interested - is actually more verbal than written so I guess I'm rather unusual. It gets very annoying when I am simply unable to pronounce the words I see in my mind. Spelling I can manage for the most part - saying something, however, is a very different story!

I have to say though I'm rather shocked by the writing skills of even some PhD students these days - awful in some cases. When I was at school, we still have English Language lessons. Do they still exist? Going by what I see written by the average undergraduate now, it seems unlikely

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