Why are men clueless? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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Why are men clueless?

I'm trying to gauge if I am being a paranoid freak or not.

I don't trust my bf whatsoever(beeen together 2 3/4 yr), not really his fault, he's just insentitive to how I precieve things. Like constantly making comments on how hot other girls are and that he's 'do them' and what not, knowing that I am paranoid. Plus I just don't trust men to not cheat, period.

So his best friend finally got a girl friend, and it's been two months and I have yet to meet this girl, he does things with the two of them all the time, and I seem to not get invited(lots of the time I am do other things though). They are all potheads, so that could be part of why I'm not included they are usually doing that.

I find out today that this girls 'friend' has been with them too. He's going to a concert tonight, and I just find out, guess what?? it's NOT just him, his best friend, and his girl, the girls 'friend' is going with them too. And I overheard him say to his friend that he would have to call her to find out about something........having to do with the tickets I think. BUT if it's his friends girl's friend, then why is MY bf the one that has to call her??

I even became this girl, I looked through his phone calls. He called HER on the 30th of June. So at least he isn't speaking to this girl on a daily basis, but SHE called HIM yesterday at 4:15, I wa shome and with him from 4:30 on...........

I just don't know what to think?

I guess if he's cheating, he's cheating and it will come out eventually?

I've acussed him once already, when he stayed out til 5am at his friends girls house'partying', and did not call me to tell me where he was, and when I tried calling he said he 'didn't feel like talking', so didn't answer.

Looking back, now I am thinking, maybe he was there with this 'friend' of hers.

I guess I'm just trying to perpare myself, considering, a few months ago before this girl started dating his friend,things were pretty much peachy was thinking amrrige etc, now I am just feeling soooo low.
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post #2 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 04:51 PM
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First of all men don't suck. Imagine the outrage I would cause by starting a generalizing insulting thread like that about women. I know I would be asked to leave.

The last three of my mate's relationships I know ended because the chick started sleeping with other guys, and then claiming it was the bloke's fault (when it clearly wasn't). If you don't trust men to not cheat, then you won't EVER get another bloke. Ever (nor would you deserve one). Trust is one of the essentials of a relationship. Women cheat all the time as well.

Having said all that, you're boyfriend sounds like he needs a kick in the family jewels and a talking to. If I was in your shoes, I would dump him asap.

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post #3 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 04:52 PM
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Wow, how can you even handle being in a relationship with this guy?

Like constantly making comments on how hot other girls are and that he'd 'do them' and what not, knowing that I am paranoid.
That right there would be enough to call it quits. You don't deserve to be with some as insensitive as he is.

I don't have much advice for you...not sure what you are looking for or if you just needed to vent....but I think you'd be way better off without him...he just doesn't seem worth it.
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post #4 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 06:03 PM
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I would leave him. He's not worth it. My husband would never ever hang out with another girl without me around. Let alone talk to one on the phone. Sounds like they are seeing each other.
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post #5 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 06:23 PM
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Kick the guy in the butt, and go off and find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated- with respect and dignity.

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post #6 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 07:09 PM
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I'm sorry. I think you would be proactive, and NOT paranoid, if you were to decisively end this relationship at the first moment you can. Someone who loves you will NOT try to avoid being with you or be evasive when questioned. They would also respect you enough to not purposely try to make you 'jealous' with juvenile and insensitive comments of what they'd do or not do with other people within your hearing. I had a bf like that. Luckily, it didn't last long. Threats don't make a relationship strong, only love and trust.

I do not agree with Huge's idea of trusting/not-trusting and relationships. You DO deserve someone who respects and cares for you. Everyone does! It is okay to be mistrustful. It isn't okay to be paranoid and question every little thing like a relationship-nazi, but if questionable behaviors arise, ABSOLUTELY question them!
Trust is earned. Well, let me ammend that; trust is given, nurtured and grown. It only takes a moment to destroy all that work and many times the nature of that former trust can never be regained by the person who destroyed it, though sometimes it can be grown into a different kind of trust.

Do you think you could trust this bf?
He has:
...taken calls from other girls.
...avoided answering your lat night (worried) calls.
...hung out with his friend's, girlfriend's friend(s).
...plans to attend a special event with a different girl than you.

I'm sorry, it sounds to me like he has grown 'bored' and is finding excitement, either temporary or permanant, with this girl and is clearly not thinking about or caring how that makes you feel. You deserve better, and I'd let him go so he can make a fool of himself over whomever he wishes. Good things come to those who wait for the right guy to treat them right. Those men ARE out there.

You just gotta kiss alotta frogs to find the prince... throw this tadpole back in the gene pool and let some other bird have him!

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post #7 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 08:24 PM
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ok. one simple sentence. LEAVE HIM!!!! My husband would NEVER do any of those things!!!! He works around a lot of people and gets lots of phone calls for work but if he starts being friends with anyone of them he makes a point to set up lunch or dinner where we all meet. He never would be going out with 2 other females and 1 guy friend
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post #8 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 09:59 PM
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The situation you describe sounds like trouble. It's time to have a heart to heart with him and find out what truly is going on. If the answers don't add up, it's time to move on.

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post #9 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-13-2008, 10:16 PM
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RUN, DON'T WALK. Being hurt is a pain in the tush, but you need out of this in a HUGE way.

Drugs? Strike ONE. Partying until morning? Strike TWO. Hanging out with a single chick and its not YOU? Strike THREE.

Forget the phone calls. Forget HIM. Just get out of this. He sounds like a 13 year old that's just figured out he has a.... Well, you know. (sorry guys)

Look kiddo. I was married once before - in college. I worked 2 part time jobs and went to school - he just went to school. I came home one time from work and he was still in bed. Didn't think a whole lot about it until I was cleaning the apartment up that afternoon. I'll leave the gross details out, but needless to say - SOMETHING happened in my bedroom while I was out. The last time I "caught" him - I opened the front door, and I saw the reflection in a wall of pictures of someone leaving out the back door.

I'm thankful you're NOT married. I'm thankful you're not 21 and going through a divorce like I was. Be grateful that you're finding this out BEFORE you're expecting a baby or something.

Hon, all of us - male and female - we deserve someone that LOVES us and that wants to be with us. No one deserves to be an afterthought like this guy is treating you. Please get out of this situation SOON.
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post #10 of 51 (permalink) Old 07-14-2008, 12:26 AM
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Re: Why are men clueless?

Originally Posted by EqusArch
when I tried calling he said he 'didn't feel like talking', so didn't answer.
What the??

I agree with the others, I think you're better off without him...

Tallulah pretty much summed it up with the three strikes thing. It just doesn't sound like he's worth it.

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