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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-17-2008, 04:13 PM Thread Starter
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funny cat and dog diary, must read!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



Excerpts from a Cat's Diary…

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-17-2008, 04:16 PM
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I love it!
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-17-2008, 07:01 PM
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I've seen that several times but I love reading it every time.

Made me smile

"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

Allie and Ridley

Toby - waiting at the rainbow bridge (2002-2011)
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-18-2008, 03:01 AM
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Same here
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-18-2008, 10:23 AM
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I love that, "day 983 of my captivity." It's funny because it's so true!


Holly and Murphy
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-18-2008, 11:59 AM
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Too Funny!

judy
"Where am I going and what am I doing in this handbasket?"
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 07-19-2008, 08:53 PM
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That is too funny. I also love that "day 983 of my captivity".

*~*~*Megan*~*~
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