Do you ever think about the "one that got away?" - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-21-2008, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
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Do you ever think about the "one that got away?"

I've been married to Ken for 7 years ago, and happily. However, there are times I think about my first high school crush and can't get him out of mind.

As I've mentioned before, I grew up in a small town and this "crush" I speak of grew up in another small town not so far from mine. We met when me and a friend went out "cruising Broadway" (that's what we did in high school on the weekends) one night. My friend and this guy dated for a few months and she told me he became too "needy" and she broke it off. I was very immature at the time and starving for attention so I asked her if she would mind if I went for him. She said "go ahead."

Well, I called him up and we went out a few times, talked on the phone A LOT but it never really got serious. I came to find out that what I was considering "minor dating" (if you could call it that) he just considered hanging out with a friend. I was crushed, especially because he told me this right after he laid a big kiss on me one night! I felt used.

Then, to make matters worse, I found out that he was seeing this other girl off and on the whole time and later came to find out he was seeing ever more girls back and forth, all concurrently.

I thought about him on and off for years after high school until I met and married my husband and then the fleeting thoughts stopped, UNTIL I saw him in a restaurant here in town while out with Ken. By this time he had been married, they had one child, and divorced.

Since that time I ran into him about 7 years ago I've seen him around town various times, each time with a different woman. I don't want to pass judgments but it makes me wonder, he is a womanizer or do all these women stay with him a short while and find out he's a loser?

I saw him yet again at the State Fair this past weekend, at both concerts I went to, so he probably has the concert pass that gets you into everything just like Ken and I do. Part of me looks at him and thinks "I wonder what I missed?," even after all my doubts. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? I'm happy where I'm at today so why do I have trouble getting this guy out of my head? Is it normal to question past relationships even though your happy with the one you're in?
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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-21-2008, 11:31 PM
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Oh, yes.....I'm still in love with my first love. But it's probably the memories at this point. It's been over 35 years, and I haven't seen her since. If we met on the street today, no doubt we'd never recognize each other (and probably be shocked if we knew.)

The point is.....I think it's pretty normal to idealize a romance never fulfilled. You tend to remember and embellish the good things and you tend to forget and diminish the bad things. It's just the way the mind works. If you had caught the one that got away, you'd still be picturing some other "what-if" in your mind. That's also just the way the mind works. Reality is never quite good enough.
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 08:21 AM
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Tim, I think you're absolutely right.

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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 08:48 AM
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In my case, it's more like "the one that I never caught", but yeah.. She still pops up in my brain on occasion.
She added me as a friend on Facebook fairly recently and I went a bit odd for a while....
Mind you it only started about 4 years ago, so it's still fairly painful lol.
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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 09:06 AM
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I actually live with "the one that got away", haha. We've always been really drawn to each other, so we just sort of ended up as best friends.

I'm still with my first love, Matt. We met when we were 14, and there have been some nasty break ups, and each one I've wound up in the same situation: Looking up into the eyes of my best friend, wondering if it should have been him.

We almost dated once, in high school, during a four month break with Matt. I did what I thought was right. I stopped talking both of them and started seeing someone else (that one really sucked). Eventually, Matt called me up and said he missed me and we ended up getting back together within a week. Now we own a little house, and my best friend (who strangely enough became Matt's best friend at that time) moved in with us.

We get each other into a lot of trouble these days, and sometimes I still wonder... thankfully, my friend is a good man who would never want to hurt either of us, and I'm really secure in my relationship with Matt.
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 09:13 AM
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I have dated three other guys before Blake. All of them were bums, users, jerks etc. They were the kind of guys that gave every guy a bad name. I was at the point after the third one I would keep telling my friends everytime they tried to set me up with someone they knew that

"I already had the best guy in the world, he never gets upset if I take a little longer to get ready, he never leaves the seat up on the toliet, doesn't have a problem with showing his affection in public, always lets me know how much he loves me and that I'm the greatest person alive, will never cheat on me, or hurt me. And the only guy who can put up with my moodswings. I have my dog, and he's been the most faithful guy in my life for the last 8 years."

They find it either crazy or corny but I meant it and every word of it is true. Blake often tells me he's jealous of Drifter and thats why they have such a hard time getting along.

But with Blake I don't find the need to look back at crushes or former boyfriends and wonder what could have been. I don't want to as I'm happy now and don't want to know any other life then the one I am living right now.
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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 10:14 AM
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I agree with Coaster. The "idea" of being in love with someone is oftentimes the issue rather than the REALITY of being in a relationship with that particular person.

The perfect storybook thing happened to hubby/me though. Our LIVES aren't perfect... just the way we "came to be" is perfect! LOL

Our first meeting was in 1971/THIRD GRADE - the very idea that we actually REMEMBER that day is a miracle since we're 45 now! We were buddies all through school.

We were pals all through elementary/junior high school. I remember him asking me if I wanted to join the HS band in 8th grade. It was ALL a wonderful experience. There was probably 6-7 of us that always ended up meeting at the fair, the movies, you name it - somehow ALL of us just always ended up being together. None of us thought anything about it. We were all just buddies.

I guess something CHANGED because he and another friend - OUT OF THE BLUE - asked if a friend and I wanted to go to a movie... TOGETHER. YIKES, this was a DATE. The four of us went out and it was completely weird. In fact, the other girl and I didn't really know which guy was our date!! LOL! Just kinda strange. We didn't figure it out until the OTHER one of them opened the car door for my friend. That was in 1979.

Very long story, sorry!!! We dated through high school, decided to call it quits our freshman year of college because we went to different universities on opposite sides of the state. Both of us did our own thing for a few years and on the night of my little brother's HS graduation we met up again. My family LEFT without me at the stadium! This was WAY before cell phones, so I was climbing the bleachers trying to get to the office so I could call someone to come get me! When I got to the top of the stadium, there he was.

Apparently, his mom "mentioned" to him a few days beforehand that she saw my brother's name in the paper... he was graduating... I bet ***** will be in town..... HINT HINT HINT.

And the rest is history.

Sorry for the long story, but as imperfect as LIFE is - I'm very blessed that we were brought back full circle to one another.

***OH.... one other happily married couple came out of our circle of friends!!
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 10:18 AM
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Do I ever think of "the one that got away"?
No. They didn't 'get away', I threw them back!
They were thrown back into the pool because they had qualities I couldn't accept, so there is no 'what if' when I reminisce(sp?) and think of them, only 'thank God I opened my eyes before I got hooked'.

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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 10:23 AM
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Theres only one I think about now and then and we were really serious our last year of high school, his mom even offered to pay ofr us to get married in Las Vegas after we graduated. He now lives in colorado. He was my first true love but we wouldnt have worked out for long because he expected me to be the "perfect" hostess and housewife if we ever got married. He was going to go into the Marines and make a career out of it so I would have been hosting parties all the time .... Im much happier with my husband and my life now
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 07-22-2008, 01:33 PM
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The radio just played "Letter to Elise" by The Cure and I burst into tears, at the office. So yeah, I guess I do think about the one that got away.
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