This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do. - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 03:39 PM Thread Starter
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This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

I noticed on flatmates facebook page yesterday that he said he wasnt well so I am a little concerned. He is currently in London on his own, after coming back from his parents just after Christmas.

Although I think we get on well, I'm not confident with my relationship with flatmate. I dont know whether he considers me a friend or 'just a flatmate'. Also, we had a bit of an issue just before Christmas which ended in me sending him an apologetic message by text and him completely ignoring it. He gave no indication, however, that we had a problem before he left and has since sent me a 'Merry Christmas' message. Anyway .. I don't know whether calling him to ask if he is ok would be crossing the boundaries or whether not phoning would give the impression I dont give a darn.

I've already sent two text messages and not heard back. But he is often really bad at not replying to them (a common complaint with all his friends apparently) so that might not be a indication of anything serious.

Last Christmas I made a boo boo when I decided to call just for a chat when he was ... err .... 'entertaining'. Hugely embarrassing. So, I would rather avoid that again too if at all possible.

I hate this sort of thing because it highlights just how socially hopeless I am. I dont know whats appropriate but I am concerned he may be feeling rather unwell and want to make sure he is ok

Any advice appreciated.

p.s. Yes, I know I'm weird.

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 04:08 PM
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

If “not well” means possibly just sick with a cold, and you are having reservations about calling, then I wouldn’t call…because something in your mind is giving you anxiety about this call. You aren’t weird, you just know more about why you wouldn’t call.

I would think if he’s a flatmate then he is a friend. Friends look out for each other so I see no harm in a friend calling a friend to make sure they are ok. As in “not well”, do you think he means not well “mentally” or something? If so, a phone call wouldn’t hurt.

Mely! You make me think! I never had a clear cut answer for you! LOL!
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 04:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

Thanks for your reply Heather. Much appreciated.

Flatmates message on facebook was 'sick as a dog' .. so I imagine its a physical ailment of some kind.

In my (limited) experience, not all flatmates are friends. My previous flatmate was most definately not a friend - she always held me at arms length so I knew precisely where I stood.

With my present flatmate, I dont always know where I stand - but I suspect thats much more to do with my lack of esteem than anything he does. I'm always amazed if someone says they actually like me and i tend to assume that most people dont. And I always worry that I've 'done something wrong' even if logically theres nothing I could have done.

It doesnt help of course that flatmate is a hopeless correspondent!

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 04:45 PM
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

Hello

Firstly if he's lived with you for over a year then he clearly must like you or surely he'd have moved out by now (guessing that the lease would have been 1 year min??). I think that most people would be happy that you cared enough to get in touch (tho I would send a text msg rather than calling as it is a bit less OTT) - that said boys can be weird when people are nice to them!! could send a msg along the lines of "hello - hope you had great xmas. saw on facebook that you're feeling under the weather - hope nothing too serious. Have a fab new year". That's just what I would say tho lol. If he can use the comp and wile the time away on Facebook then am sure it's nothing too serious (in my experience people use sick as a dog for various reasons but mainly colds and hangovers ). Is he due back soon? If he reacts funny to you being nice to him then really think it's his problem rather than yours - you're clearly a lovely person or you wouldn't have posted this message anyway!

Good luck!!

Lx


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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 04:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

I've already sent him two text messages, the second saying I was 'quite concerned' but no reply.

"FIV != PTS"
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 04:54 PM
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

That's very strange then - either he has some social issues or is properly ill (or has lost his phone!).

When's he due back? And has he had any other recent activity on facebook or has anyone else commented on status etc which might give you some indication of what's wrong?


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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

well, admittedly, he isnt very good at answering messages. . And he has not answered other peoples comments on facebook asking about his welfare as far as I am aware.

"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 05:03 PM
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

Is a toughy but I'd say you've done everything you can and anything more might make him feel like you're suffocating him. I would take the no news is good news approach and get on with enjoying your new year Really hope he's ok tho - know how easy it is to get worried about things like that - esp when he's not replying. Men


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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

Yeah, I guess so. But I know that I'll just start imagining I've done something 'to upset him' as a consequence. Still, thats my problem rather than his.

Men indeed! Or perhaps its just this particular one.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 12-30-2008, 05:37 PM
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Re: This sounds rather silly but I'm not sure what to do.

Just write on his wall, "sorry you're under the weather, hope you feel better soon".
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