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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 11:41 AM Thread Starter
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need some advice please

Every time I go to my mothers for any substantial period of time (Christmas, Easter etc) I end up feeling really depressed and unhappy about coming back to London. I guess I'll settle down again once I have gotten into the swing of things but I suppose it just highlights just how unhappy I am. Theres no point in saying I'm not unhappy because its rather obvious that I am and have been for some time.

It didnt help that I walked in the door today to face a bombsite. Flatmate has been home a week and has done nothing - other than make a huge mess. I ran around like a mad thing the day I left for Christmas, cleaning up etc. May as well not have bothered.

I would love to move back to my home town but the North East isnt exactly known for its high levels of employment, although right now I'd almost work in McDonalds than stay in London for any length of time (I said 'almost' ). The present economic climate doesnt help either of course. I'm rather grateful to have a job at all.

I'm feeling rather trapped in a situation I dont want to be in although, to be fair, I dont think its London as such that is making me unhappy, but the feeling lonely thing. Flatmate and I continue to have a good relationship (of sorts) but, thanks to my inability to really tell him how I feel about certain things, its all rather at a superficial level.

At some point, it may be possible for my mother to come down to London to live with me, but I suspect thats a little while in coming yet, if at all.

I know I should get out more (and indeed have began to do so) but Londoners are so unfriendly. Even the knitting club doesnt feel particularly welcoming. I am used to living in a tiny North East village where everyone knows everyone else and I've always found people not really wanting to know others in London difficult (ever try to strike up a conversation with a Londoner on public transport? Dont bother is my advice ....)

I'm determined that 2009 is the year that I stop being so darned miserable and find a way out of it but am feeling a little stuck as to where to begin. I'm still seriously considering the personal introduction thing but I dunno.

All comments/advice appreciated.

"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 12:18 PM
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Re: need some advice please

This year will be worse than the last few weeks in terms of the economy, so staying put would make financial sense. However it depends on what price you put on your happiness. Don't forget, also, that there are plenty of small villages in the soiuth of England, where there are jobs and it's not so bloody freezing

Sorry, not being much help, but you definitely have my sympathies.


Oh and kick your flatmate up the bum, he's not helping at all by the sounds of it.
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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 12:38 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huge
Oh and kick your flatmate up the bum, he's not helping at all by the sounds of it.
I wasnt particularly impressed by the mess, it has to be said.

"FIV != PTS"
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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 01:09 PM
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Re: need some advice please

But has it been said to him?


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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by doodlebug
But has it been said to him?
Not yet. Havent seen him yet. Certainly will be this evening

"FIV != PTS"
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 01:14 PM
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Re: need some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by melysion
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huge
Oh and kick your flatmate up the bum, he's not helping at all by the sounds of it.
I wasnt particularly impressed by the mess, it has to be said.
I hope you said it to him.

*see that two posts came in before I posted this*

I ripped my husband up one side and down the other (many years ago). His brother was driving several hundred miles down to us to return the truck he had borrowed, staying for the weekend and then flying home. I cleaned our entire 2 bedroom house and stocked the pantry and fridge with all sorts of food. The day before Joe was expected to arrive, my sister's boyfriend called and told me she was in the hospital having emergency surgery for a burst tubal pregnancy. He fell apart over the phone, he was so worried.

I called my parents who were vacationing with family in Maryland (we lived in California; me, 125mi south was my parents, another 125mi south from there was my sister, so sister was 250mi south of me). The parents were flying home that night, but called the airline and were able to get switched to an earlier flight. I called my husband and told him what was up and I was driving down to Fresno to be at the hospital. When the folks landed they rented a car and drove straight to the hospiatal from the airport.

My sister came through the surgery fine, losing the pregnancy and that ovary and fallopian tube. When she was on-the-mend, Mom and I did some shopping for new bedding/towels and went to freshen up my sister's house and do some cooking to put in the freezer so she wouldn't have to cook while she recuperated. When she came home and seemed like everything would be okay, I left to drive home. The next day was my 29th birthday.

I walked into a war-zone when I got home. It looked so bad, I just wanted to turn around and drive to my Mother's, but after driving 250mi I didn't have it in me to back-track another 125mi. Hubby was lightly "lit" and happy to see me, and all I could do was stare and cry.

EVERY dish, bowl, glass and piece of silverware we owned appeared to be dirty and scattered all over the house, in the kitchen, living room, bedrooms and even the bathroom. There were empty and/or half drank soda and beer cans sitting on all of the flat surfaces and the floor with cigarettes put out in them. Bedding was rumpled in huge, messy piles on both beds. Damp towels on the bathroom and bedroom floors. Guitars, amplifiers and their connecting cords snaking all over the living room.
They must have had a great time.

I let him have it.
I told him I had cleaned our home to welcome his brother and they had disrespectfully destroyed it. I had been gone to be supportive of my sister having emergency surgery, drove for 3 hours to come home to him and did he remember that the next day was my birthday? ...and that the next day, when I woke up on my birthday, he would be gone to work and I would get to wake up to this delightful mess and I spread my arms wide to encompass the mess. Happy *bleep* Birthday to me.

Of course, he felt lower than worm-poop, but I sent his tipsy butt to bed and I began collecting garbage and dishware to wash. I could NOT go to sleep with my house in such disorder. Now, had he not been innebriated, I would have demanded he stay up and do most of the work at my side until everything had been put to order, but I do not mess around with anyone if they've been drinking. Luckily, he doesn't drink to excess, but at that time of my life, I was still conditioned to give innebriated people a wide berth.

We had a talk the next day, about how one of my responsibilities was to make sure our budget was taken care of, bills paid and staples bought to sustain us. It was my duty to not spend that money unwisely and create a hardship upon him to where we would be worrying about money and needing to earn more. Then I pointed out that on the flip side of that record, his responsibility to me was to not make my job (keeping the house in order) any harder by being disrespectful of the efforts I took to keep it clean.
It helped. For a little while, at least. Anyhow, I guess my OCD is able to keep up with his slobby ways. ...and I figure I certainly earn the bit of money I spend on myself or the pets!



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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 05:40 PM Thread Starter
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Re: need some advice please

Well, turns out he has been terribly unwell (and indeed still looks rough). So, I guess I can forgive him, particularly as he made a lamb stew for dinner.

"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

Allie and Ridley

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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-05-2009, 08:23 PM
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Re: need some advice please

Yay! I'm glad there was a reason, no matter how lame. Mostly, I am impressed that he cooked when he didn't feel well!
Hey...didn't you say that while you were gone you saw a something or other on a myspace page or something which made you a bit concerned for him? Maybe this (feeling ill) was it? Hope he feels better soon.
h



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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-06-2009, 05:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: need some advice please

Yes, he posted something on his facebook page about being 'as sick as a dog' over the new year. Apparently he was laid up in bed for three days

In other news - I've decided against the personal introduction thing simply because its too expensive. So, am going to try an different 'online dating' thing instead and maybe explore speed dating or something. If nothing else, it will get me out there.

Apologies for the original post. I think if one portion of my life improved, I'd feel a lot better. However, I think I may have been expecting too much from my 'social activities' too quickly (making close friends for example) and London really isnt a very friendly city. Guess I'll just have to try harder. Or look into moving. Realistically however, moving back 'up north' is not financially all that viable at the moment.

"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

Allie and Ridley

Toby - waiting at the rainbow bridge (2002-2011)
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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 01-07-2009, 08:46 AM
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Re: need some advice please

I've had similar feelings about the DC area in my life. Actually, London and DC probably have a lot in common in terms of being a great place to visit but not necessarily a great place to live, between cost of living, ridiculous traffic, and unfriendly people.

When I was 25 I picked up and moved to Minneapolis without ever having been there. I stayed 7 years, and while there were good and bad points of living there, I still think it was the thing to do. Maybe it's worth keeping in mind as a possibility, to go up north. You could always do some investigating now, even though there might not be an actual move for a long time. Who knows, maybe you'll get inspired by something and want it even more.

And I think you're right about online dating. It's bound to produce more results than the personal introduction thing. Hey, just consider it a hobby. If something comes of it, great, but if not, you're just chatting up some people, hearing some life stories, and entertaining yourself.


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