Parent - job decription - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
 
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-26-2009, 02:18 AM Thread Starter
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Parent - job decription

If it had been presented this way, I don't believe anybody
would have done it!

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long-term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
or until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph
in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability
for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this.....you pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies
limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

AND A FOOTNOTE...

'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!'

Cali, Cinderella, Cleo and Charlee

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Always in my heart, my lovely Cinderella, running free at the Bridge.
Always in my heart, my sweet Cali, running free at the Bridge.

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-26-2009, 02:21 AM
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Re: Parent - job decription

I've seen this so many times, but it's still funny, nonetheless. I just wish that there had been an instruction manual given to me at the hospital before I left with my little bundles of joy.

----------
Renée
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-26-2009, 05:40 AM
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Re: Parent - job decription

Too bad they can't add skills and knowledge base testing to the job description and make it mandatory before conception.


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Molly Brown December 2006- January 9, 2013
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 03-26-2009, 11:40 PM
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Re: Parent - job decription

My parents forgot to read that. Or maybe they signed a different contract!
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