Women asking men out? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 01:08 AM Thread Starter
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Women asking men out?

Yes, I know it's silly that I'm posting this in a cat forum.

Just curious. What are your opinions on this? Experiences? Anecdotal he-said she-said? I've been wondering if it's a good idea, generally speaking.

FTR, I have done this TWICE in my life. Once in high school. Once yesterday. Crashed and burned both times. So obviously I'm not too experienced at this, considering I only do it about once a decade. I just wanted to get some input before I try again in the next ten years.

Ladies, have you ever asked a guy out? Gentlemen, how do you react when a girl does the asking?


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post #2 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 03:23 AM
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I won't do the asking. Just because I've never had good experiences being the asker. I just pray that God will send me a man who isn't afraid to woo me, because I'm done doing the wooing.

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post #3 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 03:30 AM Thread Starter
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I don't know of any women who have had positive experiences doing the asking, oddly enough. Yet in modern times we're encouraged to do so, at least some of the time.


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post #4 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 08:05 AM
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I've done things like initiate "friend" type activities with guys I've like (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) but I've never asked a guy out. I feel really uncomfortable doing that. Despite what all of popular culture tries to instill in us, men and women are different. Generally speaking, most women aren't comfortable asking guys out and some of my guy friends (ones who are married or in established relationships) say that it made them feel uncomfortable and emasculated when a girl does he wooing.

I'm with Kobster on this one. I'm just going to trust that God will send me the right guy.
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post #5 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 08:50 AM
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Interesting views. Like all stereotypes, there's a lot of truth in the one about women not wanting to ask guys out (something I've often heard). Can I ask what bad experiences people have had? Flat refusals? (cos I've had a lot of those!), or was it that the guy turned out to be a complete twit? I say don't just leave it up to us. If you like a guy in that way, and he's up to your particular standards, then why not?

I personally have no problem with it.
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post #6 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 09:11 AM
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I think most men would say they'd love it if a woman asked them out, but the actual experience is that it never goes well.

Much as I hate to hear myself say this, I don't think it's a good idea. There's still some caveman/cavewoman stuff going on that we haven't eradicated, and one element of that is that men still like to think of themselves as the pursuers. I think as women we have to say to ourselves -- if that guy isn't asking me out, there's a reason for that. There are no accidents. They don't lose phone numbers. They're not too busy to call. If they call, they're interested, and if they don't, they're not. And the "why not" may be absolutely nothing you've done wrong. Maybe the guy just doesn't think you're his type. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but I think it's the truth.


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post #7 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 09:34 AM
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As much as I am a straight shooter kinda gal, I don't think I would ask a guy, flat out, for a date. It would probably be something very informal like hey would you like to go to ?? and watch the ballgame.

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post #8 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by raecarrow View Post
I've done things like initiate "friend" type activities with guys I've like (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) but I've never asked a guy out. I feel really uncomfortable doing that. Despite what all of popular culture tries to instill in us, men and women are different. Generally speaking, most women aren't comfortable asking guys out and some of my guy friends (ones who are married or in established relationships) say that it made them feel uncomfortable and emasculated when a girl does he wooing.

I'm with Kobster on this one. I'm just going to trust that God will send me the right guy.
I'm also quite uncomfortable doing the asking, hence the having done it only twice. It's interesting that your male friends who say they don't like it are actually married or in serious relationships.

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I think most men would say they'd love it if a woman asked them out, but the actual experience is that it never goes well.

Much as I hate to hear myself say this, I don't think it's a good idea. There's still some caveman/cavewoman stuff going on that we haven't eradicated, and one element of that is that men still like to think of themselves as the pursuers. I think as women we have to say to ourselves -- if that guy isn't asking me out, there's a reason for that. There are no accidents. They don't lose phone numbers. They're not too busy to call. If they call, they're interested, and if they don't, they're not. And the "why not" may be absolutely nothing you've done wrong. Maybe the guy just doesn't think you're his type. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but I think it's the truth.
That's a very "He's Just Not That Into You" philosophy. Have you read that book? I read it last year, and thought that it had many good points. Why I decided to go against it I'm not sure! I have to wonder - the men who say that they would love it if a woman asked them out, would they think, "Great, what a load off my shoulders because I really like her," or would they think, "Great, a woman who obviously likes me, let's see what I can get out of her?" Unfortunately I think the men in my age range (20's) will probably think the latter.

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Interesting views. Like all stereotypes, there's a lot of truth in the one about women not wanting to ask guys out (something I've often heard). Can I ask what bad experiences people have had? Flat refusals? (cos I've had a lot of those!), or was it that the guy turned out to be a complete twit? I say don't just leave it up to us. If you like a guy in that way, and he's up to your particular standards, then why not?

I personally have no problem with it.
Nobody else has volunteered their specific experiences, so I can't speak for everybody. But I guess I should admit that neither of my "crash and burns" were flat refusals. The first time, I had asked the boy point blank if he wanted to go out on a date; he had been flirting with me for some time. He said yes, but was so uncomfortable during the actual date that a second date never happened.

This recent time, the guy had actually asked first. We went on one date, and had a good time. Afterwards was a game of "asking tag." During that first date, I had turned him down for a kiss (I tend not to do that on 1st dates) so I saw no harm in asking him for a 2nd date to make sure he knew I was interested. He said no, but asked me to go on a date a few days later. I was busy with my son and said no. Because he had asked a second time, I saw no harm in asking him a second time, as well. *cough* He said that he needed to clean his house.

In both situations the guys seemed to be uncomfortable in the position of the pursued, only showing interest when they were the ones doing the pursuing. I think I have to agree, based on my limited experiences, that there is some caveman/cavewoman feeling still lingering in us and it's best to leave the wooing up to the males.


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post #9 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 01:32 PM
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,
In both situations the guys seemed to be uncomfortable in the position of the pursued, only showing interest when they were the ones doing the pursuing. I think I have to agree, based on my limited experiences, that there is some caveman/cavewoman feeling still lingering in us and it's best to leave the wooing up to the males.
Yeah, it was a "He's Just Not That Into You" mentality. I never read the book or saw the movie, but it sure resonated when I saw it talked about on Oprah and other shows. I just know from personal experience that if we women like someone, we'll make about 100 excuses for why they haven't called and believe the excuses they come up with themselves (cleaning the house????), rather than face the truth. Fortunately, the older I got as a single woman, the more comfortable I was with not forcing these things. But you're right, I think we're better off leaving it up to them to ask us out, and if they don't, just trust that it wouldn't have worked anyway and move on to the next one.


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post #10 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-08-2010, 01:50 PM
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It's interesting that your male friends who say they don't like it are actually married or in serious relationships.
Yup, cause they actually had the guts to ask their girl out

I've also had problems with guys in the past where they can only talk things out over email, text, IM, FB messages. So I've decided if they can't get up the guts to talk about issues in person, they aren't worth the time and energy because they are poor communicators and they can't make a relationship work. I had one guy ask me on second date and then he emails and says he is making a last minute visit with family in Texas so he has to cancel. Next thing I hear, he is emailing everyone in our bible study (I met him at church) saying that he has decided to move to Texas. He emails me a couple days later and basically said it isn't going to work out *facepalm* no duh.

Last edited by raecarrow; 12-08-2010 at 01:53 PM.
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