I've done things like initiate "friend" type activities with guys I've like (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't) but I've never asked a guy out. I feel really uncomfortable doing that. Despite what all of popular culture tries to instill in us, men and women are different. Generally speaking, most women aren't comfortable asking guys out and some of my guy friends (ones who are married or in established relationships) say that it made them feel uncomfortable and emasculated when a girl does he wooing.
I'm with Kobster on this one. I'm just going to trust that God will send me the right guy.
I'm also quite uncomfortable doing the asking, hence the having done it only twice. It's interesting that your male friends who say they don't like it are actually married or in serious relationships.
I think most men would say they'd love it if a woman asked them out, but the actual experience is that it never goes well.
Much as I hate to hear myself say this, I don't think it's a good idea. There's still some caveman/cavewoman stuff going on that we haven't eradicated, and one element of that is that men still like to think of themselves as the pursuers. I think as women we have to say to ourselves -- if that guy isn't asking me out, there's a reason for that. There are no accidents. They don't lose phone numbers. They're not too busy to call. If they call, they're interested, and if they don't, they're not. And the "why not" may be absolutely nothing you've done wrong. Maybe the guy just doesn't think you're his type. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but I think it's the truth.
That's a very "He's Just Not That Into You" philosophy. Have you read that book? I read it last year, and thought that it had many good points. Why I decided to go against it I'm not sure! I have to wonder - the men who say that they would love it if a woman asked them out, would they think, "Great, what a load off my shoulders because I really like her," or would they think, "Great, a woman who obviously likes me, let's see what I can get out of her?" Unfortunately I think the men in my age range (20's) will probably think the latter.
Interesting views. Like all stereotypes, there's a lot of truth in the one about women not wanting to ask guys out (something I've often heard). Can I ask what bad experiences people have had? Flat refusals? (cos I've had a lot of those!), or was it that the guy turned out to be a complete twit? I say don't just leave it up to us. If you like a guy in that way, and he's up to your particular standards, then why not?
I personally have no problem with it.
Nobody else has volunteered their specific experiences, so I can't speak for everybody. But I guess I should admit that neither of my "crash and burns" were flat refusals. The first time, I had asked the boy point blank if he wanted to go out on a date; he had been flirting with me for some time. He said yes, but was so uncomfortable during the actual date that a second date never happened.
This recent time, the guy had actually asked first. We went on one date, and had a good time. Afterwards was a game of "asking tag." During that first date, I had turned him down for a kiss (I tend not to do that on 1st dates) so I saw no harm in asking him for a 2nd date to make sure he knew I was interested. He said no, but asked me to go on a date a few days later. I was busy with my son and said no. Because he had asked a second time, I saw no harm in asking him a second time, as well. *cough* He said that he needed to clean his house.
In both situations the guys seemed to be uncomfortable in the position of the pursued, only showing interest when they were the ones doing the pursuing. I think I have to agree, based on my limited experiences, that there is some caveman/cavewoman feeling still lingering in us and it's best to leave the wooing up to the males.