How do you meet that special someone? - Cat Forum : Cat Discussion Forums
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 06:48 AM Thread Starter
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How do you meet that special someone?

I don't even want to think about how long I've been a single person now, but I reckon it must be getting on for about ten years. Nearly everyone I know is in a couple and I see no real way to meet a partner.

I've tried internet dating for the last month, but not one person replied to any of my messages. Plus, its all a bit glum when you see most people have a strict 'shopping list' - have to be x tall, earn x amount of money, be no more than x age.

Just how do you meet someone? I know that the right person is supposed to come along when you least expect it, but I think I've gotten to the point now that I'm beginnnig to believe having a partner is just something that happens to other people and seems like a unattainable dream for me.

What do I do wrong? I know I'm not Kate Moss but I dont think I'm that unattractive

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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 06:52 AM
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If you figure it out, let me know. I'm starting to think my destiny is to end up alone.
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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 06:53 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Divine Miss M View Post
If you figure it out, let me know. I'm starting to think my destiny is to end up alone.
Yep, thats precisely how I feel

"FIV != PTS"
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 07:09 AM
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Do you have any hobbies or interests where you could join a group in your local area to meet people with the same likes/dislikes?

I personally feel that the key to meeting 'partners' is through friends, if all of your current friends are partnered up, eventually, weather intended or not, you end up 'third wheel'.

If you could join a local club or group that are about something that interests you, you would likely meet new friends and with new friends come new social situations which are where you have a higher probability of meeting a partner.
Who knows, the potential partner could also be going to the group

I also feel like the more you 'look' or 'wait' for the one, the less likely you are to find them.
If you get on with being you, doing what makes you happy and being happy by yourself, a partner has a way of just showing up.
Its such a cheesy line, but confidence in yourself is key. Nobody really wants to be with an underconfident, needy person that is going to NEED lots of attention.
They want someone who is happy being who they are and that they feel like they want to be with and pay attention to.

Sorry if im not helpful, these are obviously just my personal opinions.
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 07:19 AM Thread Starter
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I think i've probably got to the age now that no matter what hobbies I do, most people going to the same club etc are going to have partners at home. I took up roller derby to meet new people, but seeing as its a female dominant sport, I'm hardly likely to meet the man of my dreams there I guess.

Realistically, I gave up 'looking' a long time ago. I hear you about the confidence issue, but how are you supposed to be confident about yourself when it appears you are unattractive enough to still be single at the age of 40?

And it isnt just that. Because I'm still single, I dont have the resources to, for example, buy a flat/house or even rent on my own unless I want to live in effectively a single room with a bed in one corner and a cooker in the other. Who on earth still wants to flatshare at my age?


"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

Allie and Ridley

Toby - waiting at the rainbow bridge (2002-2011)
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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 07:37 AM Thread Starter
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I know - just feeling a bit glum.

"FIV != PTS"
"SENIOR KITTIZENS ROCK! (between naps)"

Allie and Ridley

Toby - waiting at the rainbow bridge (2002-2011)
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 08:37 AM
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I know you well enough to know that anyone who's turned you down is 1) an idiot, 2) already attached in some way and not willing to cheat, 3) not worth bothering with, or 4) some kind of weirdo with a frickin LIST (seriously, if Jessica Alba only earned 15k a year they'd turn her down?).

I know where you're coming from though, believe me. It's depressing, it makes you feel unworthy and unloved, it reduces your self-esteem, and when you've fallen for someone who doesn't feel the same way, it's absolute he11. I go through the same feelings occasionally, and despite the fact I have a lot of fabulous friends, I just know there's something missing.

Oh and I'm ****ing glad you're not Kate Moss. Can't think of anything worse than going round the Science Museum with a paper thin drug addict with no sense of humour and no septum.
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 09:04 AM
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At a female dominant sporting group you may meet the man of your dreams' sister, friend, cousin etc etc.

40 is not an unusual age to be single these days so dont give up hope!

You just need to find ways of getting yourself out there with like-minded people, even if they are all female, chances are they will have a like minded circle of friends also.

I see your from London...ive only been a few times but from what i have seen of it, there are alot of tourists or 'work-a-holics' so i cant imagine meeting people out and about would be particularly easy.

This might sound really cliche, but have you thought about joining a gym or running group or similar?
Would help you phisically feel better about yourself and build confidence, and is a great way of meeting people.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 09:15 AM
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Just to add, you should try to think of it this way...your not ugly, or unworthy of anyone, you just havent been lucky enough to cross paths with him yet.
He probably feels just as down about not getting to meet you yet.

Great song that helped me realise this:-

(hope it works)
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 10-27-2011, 10:47 AM
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I've never believed in the theory that the right one will come along when you stop trying, or when you least expect it. Did the perfect job ever fall in your lap without you applying for it? Nope. You have to spend a lot of time looking, sorting through, testing out, picking yourself up off the floor, and being persistent. I also don't think these "meet cutes" we see in movies ever really happen either.

I know it's not especially romantic, but I think online dating sites are ultimately the answer. There are pros and cons, of course. The pros are that it gives you a quick, ready group of people to talk to and/or date, so at least you feel like your toes are in the sand and you have some stuff going on. The cons are that with all this increased choice, people are probably less likely to settle on one person than if they had little choice. It's like having 200 channels on your TV -- you're less likely to settle in and watch an entire show if you think you're missing something on the other 199 channels, so you flip around.

So with its problems and all, I do think it's the way to get the job done. You just have to be patient, don't get disappointed when one of them goes wrong (like the idiots who say they're 5'10" and are really 5'6"), and just say "Next!"

Yes, I met my husband on Match.com. I had spent a year sorting through the masses and we finally found each other. So yes, it's possible and even likely that if you keep trying, it'll happen. You just can't stop trying.


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