Recurring dreams about my cat (who has passed).. Don't know where else to turn.
Hi everyone, I've no idea where to post this. It's still about my cat so it's not really off-topic but I don't think it's appropriate for the Over the Rainbow Bridge thread.
I lost my 18 year old cat William in November. We had to have him put to sleep because he was very old and sick and it was just his time.
I felt very guilty for a while afterwards though, even though I knew it was the best thing to do, because he didn't drift away peacefully... Up until the moment his heart stopped beating he was growling and fighting as hard as he could (which wasn't very hard as he was sedated, but he was still trying). I got the feeling he was trying to tell me he didn't want to go. Which is ridiculous, as he didn't know what was happening to him, all he knew was that he was being held against his will and the lady did something that hurt, so it was only natural to try and fight it. I knew it was his time, but it broke my heart. I wish I hadn't been with him at the time, I wish my Dad had just taken him himself.
I was devastated for a few weeks after we lost him. I was crying all the time and it felt so horrible to come home and he wasn't here. I have my two other cats whom I love to bits but they're just not the same. I was so depressed, it was the worst thing I've ever experienced.
Anyway, it was over four months ago now and I feel fine now. He's buried in the front garden and it comforts me to know he's still nearby. I have let go and I no longer get sad or cry when I look at his pictures but I smile and remember the lovely long life he had. I have accepted his passing and it's no longer affecting my daily life.
However, almost every night I dream about him. This has only been going on for the past two months oddly. At first, the dreams were frightening because in my dream I knew that he was dead, so I thought I was seeing his ghost or that I was experiencing a visual hallucination - nobody else could see him but me, and it was scary. However, the more dreams I had the more OK with it I became. The past four or five dreams have been different because my parents have been able to see him too in the recent ones, and I've been cuddling him in my dreams and interacting with him instead of just running away. However, the dreams are always sad rather than happy, because I ALWAYS know that I am dreaming. it's not like I'm dreaming that he's alive again and we're happy; I know that it's a dream and that really, he's dead. So whilst it's lovely to cuddle him it's also heartbreaking at the same time, and I'm upset when I wake up.
Basically I just want to learn how to get rid of these dreams. Has anyone else here experienced anything similar?