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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2004, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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Becoming un-anti-social??

I think I'm tired of being anti-social.

I"ve alwasy been really shy and I find it hard to make new friends. I only have one friend (we've been best friends since 3rd grade) left from high school. The others got married or have kids, and I didn't keep in touch with any of them.

Now my friend is at college making new friends and I feel kinda left out just sitting here at home being bored to death. I haven't even dated in three years.

I've also started working with some good looking guys and I guess it made me realize how lame my social life is.

Anyone else ever been in this boat?

I guess Im feeling a litte depressed ths weekend or something. Needed to vent a bit.
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2004, 02:22 PM
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I used to be the quietest thing in the world and never went out. My usual night was sitting in with a book or talking to my folks. It's hard to break this cycle but well worth it. Why not try to organise a works night out or something. Or even visit your friend in college

Claire x
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2004, 02:36 PM
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Misty has a good idea! Also, why not take a fun course, maybe a painting class at the high school in the evenings, or a dance class, gardening (there might be some guys there!) For the sake of your self esteem, treat yourself to a makeover at a salon and a new outfit--a bit on the sexy side! I wouldn't recommend a bar, because the motives of the men in the bar aren't the best. To overcome shyness, take a course in public speaking. Good luck! In the meantime, there are some great people here, including some great guys! And, better yet, they're gentlemen!




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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2004, 05:49 PM
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I wouldn't recommend a bar, because the motives of the men in the bar aren't the best.
That made me giggle. A couple nights ago Patricks brother asked him to come look at the computer system at his work, its a gay bar and Tony (patricks brother) is the manager. Tony insisted I come along (We get along great, i'm convinced he is the male version of me, hey and we both like guys!) So I did and it was packed with guys, who were all really really nice!!!

I agree its hard to get out of the whole 'anti-social' thing. At my last job we had a lot of people my age come in, even some regulars, unfortunately most of them were coming in to buy cigarette rolling papers...and we all know what those are REALLY used for Not my type of crowd at all. I think the problem for us (Patrick and I) is we are best friends, I mean REALLY close, so we don't feel the need to go out and do things with other people, we have each other to do things with.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2004, 06:21 PM
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I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have two friends. One is three or four hours away at college and the other I can't stand anymore. She's the only one I see now, and I've gotten to really not like her much at all. I know its sad that my only real friend here is someone I don't like.

I've only had one boyfriend and haven't dated anyone in almost five years

I've opened up quite a bit. I was really quiet when I started my last job but eventually started talking, and now I go back to visit and hang out when I've got nothing better to do. My current job, I've worked for about a month and a half and wouldn't talk at first but am really starting to chat up with some people a little more. I thought it'd be really bad because there are about 15-20 employees and only two are men. The lead vet and a receptionist (not completely sure he's straight, but anyway...) I normally don't get along well with girls. Its just how I am... I have really low self esteem and think they all hate me and I'm super jealous of them all. They've all been really nice to me and I'm sooooo glad I started working there now!

As far as HOW to make yourself open up, I can't help you. I mean, I can give you lots of ideas but I'd be a big hypocrite because I don't do any of them myself. I never talk to people in my classes at school and usually wait for others to approach me before I talk to them... I'm dreading my public speaking class next semester... BADLY!

Hopefully some advice people give you will motivate you enough to get out and do more things. Its so much more fun to have friends that you can have fun with, I just wish I could let myself relax around people!

Jessie

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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2004, 06:30 PM
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Jessie, if you have a good professor for your speech class, and I'm sure you will, she will start with some "trust" games, and other activities which wiil make the class a cohesive unit. You will know that the rest of the class is hoping you'll do well, and they will know that you are rooting for them.

Do the speakers a HUGE favor. Think of a question you can ask them-after their speech. The professor will raise the grade for both of you--you for being a good listenener and the speaker for raising interest in the subject about which she is speaking! Everyone wins!




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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-18-2004, 01:45 PM
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I'm kind of having that same problem too. I'm actually not anti-social....I just don't know how to meet new people.

I lived in the same area for 31 years. I wouldn't say I had alot of friends. I knew alot of people, but wasn't close with alot of them. Now I moved to Flordia. I'm lonely alot now! I'm not even sure how to meet people. I work as a loss prevention associate, so I can't meet friends at work.

I wish I had some good advice for you, but I'm pretty much in the same boat

~Shelly~

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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-18-2004, 02:07 PM
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I understand the feeling: I'm a "good girl" in the sense that it never appealed to me to go out to bars or clubs... I would prefer to just relax and hang out with a few people in the comfort of our homes or apartments, etc. In college, it was really hard for me to find friends who shared these tendancies, especially freshman year when everyone was experimenting with their new freedom.

I found the best thing for me was to immerse myself with people LIKE myself. I moved to a chem-free floor, for example, which was inhabitted by people who, like myself, did not feel the need to use alcohol to supplement a good time. Also activities that I enjoyed, if I got involved in a group, I tended to meet more people I meshed well with. For example, I joined the college orchestra and met some great people there (two of which are still close friends of mine today).

I hope it works out! good luck
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